A metaphor for the human brain is a man riding an elephant. Our brain consists of two parts, the neocortex and the limbic system. The neocortex is used for planning, reasoning, and deliberate decision making / responses. The limbic system is responsible for the automatic / unconscious / habitual responses. The neocortex is represented in the image by the rider and the limbic system by the elephant. The elephant can easily toss the rider in such a scenario. Likewise, our impulsive self (limbic system) can easily dominate our controlled self (neocortex). I have read a number of books about forming habits and self-control:

1. Willpower: Rediscovering Our Greatest Strength by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney - Summary: Willpower: Rediscovering Our Greatest Strength by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney - Chester Grant

2. The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal - Notes : The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal - Chester Grant

3. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg - Summary: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg - Chester Grant 

4. Mini Habits by Stephen Guise - 26 Highlights from Mini Habits by Stephen Guise - Chester Grant 

What follows is my synthesis of the ideas presented in these books, and what has worked for me through trial and error. The fundamental premise of my approach is that the limbic system like the elephant is trainable and should be in subjection to the neocortex, the rider.

Why listen to me?

Take a look around at this blog. It’s a testament to the power of habits. I developed a habit for reading and documenting my readings. To add to this, this isn’t even my first blog. My first blog had more content than this. 

My approach

1. Identify the habit you would like to form: reading or meditating or exercise etc.
   
   

2. Mini-fy the habit - You are going to make the action so small that you can do it effortlessly everyday. For instance, aiming to read 2 pages per day or meditating for 5 mins per day or exercising for 5 mins per day. The key thing with forming habits is that your brain doesn’t need intensity to form a habit, it needs consistency. If every day you keep doing the same activity, a habit will form.
   
   

3. Gradually Increase Effort - The mini-fied action is your baseline, your non-negotiable. You must at least do that much of the activity every day.  But this is not where you stop. Unless you want to only read 2 books per year, you need to gradually increase the intensity. Aim for 5-25% increase in effort each week. So, it is two things; one is you have a goal for effort each day, but some days you might not be able to accomplish that goal then you do the mini-fied action.
   
   

4. No more than two min-days in a row - Take me at my word for this one.
   
   

5. Habit Stacking - This concerns when you take action to implement the habit. Researchers have found it is easy to form a new habit if it is directly following an existing habit. So, let’s say you already have a habit of eating lunch at noon, you will simply place your reading habit directly after that or whatever habit that you are interested in forming. For me, I chained several habits together. First, I brush my teeth, then exercise, then read. Brushing my teeth was my initial habit then I just chained the rest to it.
   
   

6. Habit Streaking - Get a habit app or calendar that tracks how many days in a row you have been consistent with the habit. There is a psychological bias we have called loss aversion. Once you have established the streak, you don’t want to lose it, hence you will persist with the habit until you achieve automaticity. 

I thought this might be useful to someone, or at least can serve as a reminder to myself of how to get back on track if I ever become lost.

Veritas: Truth Across Cultures is a book I compiled. It identifies common sayings/proverbs that have been independently discovered across cultures that I call Truths. It is my proposition that, due to our human nature and environment that common patterns recur, and cultures document these through their sayings. For instance, this Truth below:

This is a pattern that independent cultures have identified and documented that we tend to become like our associates. This is a pattern I already knew. What follows are patterns/Truths that I didn’t identify or acknowledge previously.

1. People confuse kindness for weakness - I knew it was a thing, but I didn’t know it was this widespread. This is one of the Truths that has me updating my belief system. Boundaries are necessary because it’s human nature to take advantage of a situation. One can’t rely on others being considerate. But do like the Persians: “Do not be so sweet that you are swallowed up, nor so bitter that you are spit out.” It is something that requires balance.
   
   
   

2. Easy sell - As the former President of Antigua and Barbuda Chess Federation, I had identified that Chess was an easy sell for me. What I mean by an easy sell is that it was easy for me to invite people to join the federation, enlist help from others, and charge others for services. Fundamentally, I believe that it is a net positive for anyone engaging in the federation’s activities; I was making people’s lives better. It is similar with Veritas; knowledge of these Truths will lead to people conducting their lives more wisely. At a minimum, they will be saving time on compiling the sayings.
   
   

   

3. Change is Hard - All the preceding Truths are based on habits. They all point out that once a habit has been set, it is hard to change. It makes sense. It has been estimated that human behaviour is 40%-50% habitual. Without these habitual behaviours, we wouldn’t be able to document them in Veritas, and choose how to move intentionally. Maybe the relevant question emerging from Veritas is what habits do I need to build for my long-term prosperity?

4. Leadership Isolates - This is something I knew through experience, but I hadn’t realised that it wasn’t just me; it was universal. It is a point to note if I keep going down this path of being in situations of leadership, isolation is something I would need to address. It wasn’t a one-off thing; it is something that is structurally built in.

If you’re interested in reading Veritas, you can purchase it here. And, if you do decide to purchase it, please leave a review along with a Truth that resonated with you. 

Would you leave your infant in the care of a robot, assuming that the robot could perform every practical caregiving task that you could? I would venture that most of my readers would say no, although for varying reasons. In this post, I will outline why AI will not completely replace humans in education.

1. Biological responses

During human-to-human interaction, we are not merely conveying words. Touch and social contact can also trigger biological and hormonal responses. When a mother holds her infant, for example, skin-to-skin contact can stimulate oxytocin-related processes. Oxytocin is associated with bonding and attachment, while physical contact can help regulate an infant’s stress response.[1] Infants deprived of normal touch and sensory stimulation may experience developmental delays and difficulties with emotional and physiological regulation.[2]

You might say, “That applies to infants, but what about teenagers and adults?” Research suggests that loneliness and social isolation are associated with changes in gene expression and epigenetic markers.[3] These changes may be connected to accelerated biological ageing, increased inflammation, and altered immune function.  By replacing human interaction with machine interaction, we may be giving up something valuable. There is no free lunch: the more time devoted to interacting with machines, the less time may remain for interacting with other humans.

2. The expression of non-PC ideas

Your friendly neighbourhood AI tutor was developed by a company. That company does not want to be sued or become involved in activities that could tarnish its reputation. Consequently, the AI will be aligned, as the developers call it, with certain institutional values, limiting what it can say or discuss.

Learning could therefore be mediated by what a group of executives considers appropriate. What is said in a traditional classroom is also mediated, but students are not necessarily limited to the perspective of a single teacher.

Teachers also have skin in the game. On one side, they face the possibility of losing their jobs for expressing non-PC ideas. On the other, they may feel a responsibility to express truthful ideas that could make their students more capable and resilient in life.

Consider Richard Feynman’s idea of being “actively irresponsible.” Feynman explained that, as people become more successful, increasing demands are placed on their time. They are asked to sit on committees, accept administrative responsibilities, give interviews, and attend social events. These activities may appear to contribute to further success, but they can also prevent people from doing their most meaningful work. Can you imagine an AI recommending that you become actively irresponsible?

3. Building trust

If classroom education were strictly about acquiring subject knowledge, you could simply get a library card or, in modern times, watch YouTube videos. Classroom education, however, also includes mechanisms for establishing trust.

First, your grades provide a measure of how strongly a lecturer believes that you understand the material. Then there are recommendation letters, in which a teacher vouches, in their own words, for a student’s character and capabilities.

Teachers may also recommend students directly to employers and professional peers. Unlike a formal recommendation letter, this support may not be prompted by a request. It may arise because teachers genuinely want the best for their students. Students may similarly promote and recommend their classmates.

4. Status

We are already beginning to see a status distinction emerge. From the use of the term “AI slop” to the growing demand for proof that genuine care and effort went into something, AI-generated work is increasingly associated with lower effort and, in some contexts, lower status.

Just as people may choose between factory-manufactured furniture and handcrafted furniture, education could develop into a two-tier system. One tier would provide inexpensive and readily available AI tutoring. The other would provide expensive human instruction that signals class, care, and sophistication.

AI will not eliminate status competition. Although it may satisfy many basic needs, scarcity will continue to exist. For example, several people may be romantically interested in the same person. That person’s attention is scarce, and who ultimately attracts that person may be influenced partly by status.

AI has its place. Just as I would not place handcrafted furniture on a beach, there are circumstances in which traditional classroom education is unsuitable or impractical. Suppose, for instance, that I want to learn string theory. How many people in Antigua, where I am from, are qualified to teach it? This would be an ideal use of AI. My conclusion, however, is that AI will not fully replace classroom teachers. As outlined above, too much would be lost in the process.

[1] Scatliffe, N., Casavant, S., Vittner, D., and Cong, X. “Oxytocin and Early Parent-Infant Interactions: A Systematic Review.” International Journal of Nursing Sciences, 2019. 

[2] Ardiel, E. L., and Rankin, C. H. “The Importance of Touch in Development.” Paediatrics & Child Health, 2010. 

[3] Lynch, M., et al. “Associations Between Longitudinal Loneliness, DNA Methylation Age Acceleration, and Cognitive Functioning.” 2023. 

Let’s do a Gedanken experiment, i.e. a thought experiment. Let’s assume that AI has advanced sufficiently to satisfy our physiological and safety needs. What would we then need to worry about? Again, we are going to use invariants to determine what may happen in the future. I previously discussed invariants as a means of predicting the future here.

Now, what is the invariant in this scenario? The invariant is land. The amount of land on Earth is unlikely to increase from now until the distant future. It may even decrease. I think it is reasonable to assume that we are not getting any more land on Earth. There are three scenarios to consider. The demand for land, driven partly by population size, may increase, decrease, or remain the same. In scenarios where the demand for land decreases or remains the same, there is no serious problem.

However, if the demand for land increases, we may eventually need to make some tough decisions. It is possible that demand could increase to such an extent that we would no longer be able to sustain ourselves collectively. Before AI, population growth was partly restrained by the fact that children had to be supported financially. Looking ahead, parents may limit the number of children they have if they do not possess the resources needed to provide for them. However, anyone who lives in the real world knows that some people ignore their lack of resources and continue having children they cannot adequately support. Now imagine this situation being intensified by AI covering the cost of food, clothing, and shelter.

“Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.” I certainly hope we reach a future in which the demand for land is lower or remains the same, but we should still plan for the worst-case scenario. In that scenario, I do not see how reproduction could avoid being controlled in some form. Can you think of an ethical solution to overpopulation that does not involve some form of reproductive control?

I am not suggesting that we should immediately impose reproductive controls. In fact, I may be discussing a problem that never arises. The current trend among people with greater economic resources is not to have more children, but fewer. Before considering stronger forms of reproductive control, voluntary methods should be used to encourage people to limit the number of children they have.

If you are interested in this type of thinking (invariants for analysing the future), I have written a book called Veritas: Truths Across Cultures. It catalogues 94 recurring sayings, truths, and invariants found across diverse cultures.

You can find samples of the book here. You can get a copy here.

It is my belief that, as a society, we are climbing Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:

1. Physiological Needs - Food, clothing, shelter, and the other basic requirements for survival.

2. Safety Needs - Personal safety, a stable environment, and protection from danger.

3. Love and Belonging - Friendship, family, romantic relationships, community, and the feeling of being accepted.

4. Esteem Needs - Self-respect, confidence, achievement, recognition, status, and the respect of others.

5. Self-Actualization - Becoming the fullest version of yourself by developing your talents and creativity, finding purpose, and pursuing meaningful goals.

I have a saying: “To think a thousand moves deep, think in terms of invariants.” If we think about what is not going to change, whether it is move 1, move 50, or move 1,000, then we can reason far into the future without having to predict every individual move.

Jeff Bezos applied a similar reasoning to Amazon. He asked what would not change about amazon customers. His answer was that customers would continue to want low prices, and fast delivery. Amazon could therefore invest heavily in those areas, knowing that customers were unlikely to ask for higher prices or slower delivery.

In light of the rapid development of artificial intelligence, what is not going to change about human beings? I propose that one consistent framework is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. From now until the year one million, and beyond, these needs will still have to be satisfied.

Let us look at each level. I think AI can be used to satisfy our physiological and safety needs. At the higher levels of the hierarchy, however, this is where AI begins to tap out. I am speaking generally here, so do not come at me with edge cases. I do not see AI fully satisfying our need for love and belonging. I do not see it satisfying our need for esteem or self-actualization. In fact, I can see AI having a negative effect on some aspects of these needs. Imagine trying to gain the respect of your peers through artificially produced work, with little or no creative input from yourself. I do not see such a person being held in high regard, whether now or a thousand years from now.

Prediction: In the future, our physiological and safety needs will largely be met through AI and automation.  As a society, we will therefore largely pass levels one and two of Maslow’s hierarchy. However, our higher-order needs will still require significant investment from us. AI may help us communicate, create, and organize, but it cannot simply hand us genuine friendship, family, community, earned respect, purpose, or self-actualization.

Prescription: Find your tribe. If society is moving beyond levels one and two, then the next major challenge is level three: love and belonging. 

If you are interested in this type of thinking, I have written a book called Veritas: Truths Across Cultures. It catalogues 94 recurring sayings, truths, and invariants found across diverse cultures.

You can find samples of the book here. You can get a copy here.

I have always been interested in ideas that have stood the test of time, particularly proverbs. If you have read enough proverbs, you may have noticed that independent cultures often discover the same underlying “truths.”

This book is my attempt to catalogue those truths. In total, I have compiled 94 truths across five categories: Human Nature; Power and Leadership; Effort, Time, and Discipline; Relationships and Reciprocity; and Courage and Action.

Here is a sample of three of those truths:

What follows is 7 samples of recurring saying across different cultures on the topic of leadership. I have identified 94 such patterns in my book: Veritas.

I have always been interested in ideas that have stood the test of time, particularly proverbs. If you have read enough proverbs, you may have noticed that independent cultures often discover the same underlying “truths.”

This book is my attempt to catalogue those truths. In total, I have compiled 94 truths across five categories: Human Nature; Power and Leadership; Effort, Time, and Discipline; Relationships and Reciprocity; and Courage and Action.

Here is a sample of seven of those truths:

Read all 94 truths in Veritas: Truths Across Cultures.

1. This is a book about the nature of reality. It elaborates on the best hypothesis we have today, based on leading-edge science and analytic reasoning, about what reality is.

2. The scientific method can only definitively answer questions of behavior: what nature does, as opposed to what it is.

3. After all, science is based on controlled empirical experimentation: it poses a question to nature in the form of an experiment, which nature then answers by doing something in response.

4. This doing is a behavior of nature, not an unambiguous expression of what nature is, as different hypotheses about the essence of reality may be equally consistent with the observed behavior. Moreover, the litmus test of scientific theories is their ability to predict what nature will do next, which again is a question of behavior.

5. Indeed, in addition to science, this book also leverages the methods of philosophy, particularly metaphysics, the area of philosophy dedicated to questions of being.

6. More specifically, beyond the empirical adequacy of the hypothes is it puts forward, this book also leverages softer truth guidelines such as conceptual parsimony, internal logical consistency, overall coherence, and explanatory power. These guidelines cannot lead us to definitive answers to questions of being, but surely allow us to rank the hypotheses at hand and figure out the most likely one. This is the spirit of this book.

7. This way, Analytic Idealism embraces realism (i.e., there is an external world out there, independent of our individual minds; independent of our observation, volition, fantasies, preferences, rituals, etc.), naturalism (i.e., the phenomena of the external world unfold spontaneously, according to nature’s own inherent dispositions, and not according to external intervention by a divinity outside nature), rationalism (human reason can recognize and model the regularities of nature’s behavior), and reductionism (complex phenomena can be explained in terms of simpler ones).

8. However, Analytic Idealism then infers that the external world is of the same ontic kind or essence as our individual minds. In other words, it posits that the world out there is mental

9. For now, though, notice that technology necessitates no ultimately correct understanding of the nature of reality; it only needs empirically convenient fictions. 

10.To see how, consider that a 5-year-old kid can be world champion playing a computer game without having the slightest idea of what the game actually is—that is, of the computer hardware and software that constitute the game. To  be world champion, all the kid needs is a convenient fiction in terms of which to relate to the game. 

11. And it may go like this: there is a little man inside the screen; I am that little man; if I shoot those other little men in the screen, I score points; if I get shot or touch this or that wall, I die; and so on. Each and every element of this fiction is utterly false: there is no little man inside the screen; you are not inside the screen; you are not shooting, or getting shot by, anyone; there are no walls to touch; and you don’t die from playing the game. 

12. Yet, the fiction is convenient in that the game behaves, for all applicable purposes, as if the fiction were true; and that’s all the kid needs to play it well and be crowned world champion.

13. We believe that our perception is a kind of transparent window into the world, revealing to us the world as it is in itself.

14. Take an airplane, for instance: it has a number of sensors—such as air speed, pressure, and orientation sensors—which measure the states of the sky outside the airplane. The resulting measurements are then displayed to the pilot in an encoded manner, in the form of dial indications in the airplane’s dashboard. As such, the airplane’s dashboard conveys accurate and important information about the sky outside, albeit in an encoded form. The pilot must take this encoded information seriously, lest the airplane crashes.

15. Just like the airplane, we, too, are equipped with sensors to collect information about the world surrounding us: our retinas, eardrums, taste buds, mucous lining of the nose, and outer surface of the skin make measurements of the states of the environment surrounding us. The results of these measurements are then represented on the screen of perception: what we see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. As such, the screen of perception is entirely analogous to the airplane’s dashboard: both display information about our environment that was collected by our sensors. 

16. Yet, as we’ve just seen, the airplane’s dashboard does not need to look like the sky to convey accurate, relevant, and actionable information about the sky.

17. Instead, perception is like a dashboard of dials: it contains information about the world only in an encoded form, thereby limiting the entropy of our internal states, just as a dashboard of dials intrinsically limits the entropy of information pilots have to contend with (incidentally, this is why flight manuals, despite being thick, are finite in length and do not have to tell the pilot what to do for every possible configuration of the sky).

18. To avoid this dysfunctional scenario, the computer’s operating system represents the files not as they actually are, but in an encoded form that conveys what is salient about them in an actionable manner; i.e., as little rectangular icons. The same goes for perception: if evolution had built our perceptual system to cognize the world as it really is, it stands to reason that we would be driven to extinction because of non-actionable information overload.

19. We are airplane pilots who were born in the cockpit of an airplane without windows; an airplane that can only be flown by instruments.

20. There surely is a real world out there, independent of perception; a world that would still be there even if we were not here to perceive it; a world that doesn’t care whether we like it or not, believe it or not, wish it to be different or not; a world that doesn’t change merely because we fantasize about its being different. 

21. But that real world is not the ‘physical’ world that appears on the screen of perception.

22. For the physicalist, the real world is physical not merely in the sense of being describable by physical quantities, but of being constituted by physical quantities.

23. The thing that is ultimately described through its physical representation—i.e., that which is represented—is out there, while the descriptions themselves are ‘in here,’ so to speak. But the physicalist flips this upside down or, rather, inside out: it is only the descriptions that are out there—i.e., the kilograms, the meters, the liters, the seconds, etc.—while the things described somehow arise from, and are given substance by, the descriptions. This is literally equivalent to stating that the map precedes the territory and somehow generates the territory.

24. Let us take memory, for instance: a core premise of Physicalism is that memory is information physically stored somewhere in the brain, just as your files are physically stored in your computer’s main storage drive. This premise has a scientific implication: we should be able to find memory information in physical brain states.

25. Science has been trying to find this secret information storage for well over a century, with results that often contradict the physicalist premise. For instance, in 2013 researchers reported on an amazing study: little aquatic flatworms called ‘planaria’—which have the remarkable ability to regrow amputated body parts, including their head—were trained to navigate an irregular surface to find food. The researchers then decapitated the planaria—thereby removing their neurons, which are in their head—and waited for two weeks until a new head grew. 

26. With a brand-new head in place, the planaria maintained their originally trained ability to navigate the rough surfaces to find their food, without additional training. Somehow the planaria remembered their training even after their head was severed, contradicting the premise that memories are physically stored in (networks of) neurons.

27. If a person becomes unable to recall short-term memories because of damage to certain areas of the brain, maybe ‘physical’ structures correlated with memory access have been compromised, not memory storage itself (otherwise, the well-known phenomenon of ‘terminal lucidity’—look it up—wouldn’t be possible).

28. Indeed, we’ve known at least since the late 1940s (arguably even as early as the late 1920s), with the advent of Quantum Electrodynamics, that what we call ‘particles’ aren’t particles at all: they are merely local patterns of excitation of a spatially unbound quantum field. Think of particles as ripples on a river: each ripple has a certain height, thickness, speed, and direction of movement, which are the ripple’s ‘physical’ properties.

29. “There’s a ripple!” Yet, there is nothing to the ripple but the river itself. The ripple is not a standalone entity, but a behavior of the river; it’s not a thing but a doing. This is why you cannot grab a ripple and lift it off the river.

30. At first sight, however, mind-space seems devoid of boundaries: I can seamlessly access my memories, thoughts, emotions, fantasies, ideas, etc., as if all these mental contents were part of a unitary database. I don’t need to open cognitive doors or pass through cognitive walls to access them. Yet, appearances are deceiving.

31. This ‘parking’ of a part of your mental inner life is the creation of a cognitive wall inside your mind. Psychiatrists call it ‘dissociation.’

32. People with DID present with multiple so-called ‘alters,’ or ‘alternate personalities.’ Each alter tends to think of itself as a distinct conscious agent, with its own volition and inner life, separate from the other alters and the host personality. Alters can alternate in taking executive control of the body. Often, they go by unique names and can also claim to have an age and gender different from those of the host personality. They sometimes are aware of the existence of other alters, but sometimes also not.

33. Technically, each alter is a segment of the host personality’s mind so severely dissociated from the rest that it acquires its own unique vantage point and sense of identity. As such, each alter becomes a distinct center of awareness within what is, otherwise, one single mind-space. The dissociative boundaries that separate alters from one another are thus cognitive boundaries, not physical or extended ones; alters are defined by cognitive isolation, not physical separation in spacetime.

34. In other words, according to Analytic Idealism, we are all dissociative processes—‘alters’—in the one mind of nature. The idea is that nature-at-large—which is a mind—undergoes a process analogous to human DID. Just as DID patients present with seemingly disjoint centers of awareness called ‘alters,’ nature-at-large also presents with multiple disjoint centers of awareness that we call us. Analogically speaking, we—and all other living beings—are alters of nature-at-large.

35. Under Analytic Idealism, nature is one spatially unbound field of subjectivity.

36. be. Particular experiential states are merely particular patterns of excitation, or ‘ripples,’ of this one natural subject. Each different pattern of excitation is thus a discernible, countable experiential state. That’s how the unfathomable variety and complexity of natural states is accounted for in terms of the simplicity of one field of subjectivity: just as a single guitar string can oscillate differently so to produce many different notes, the one subject of nature can ‘oscillate’ differently so to produce what is represented on our cognitive dashboard as blackholes, quasars, pulsars, nebulae, galaxies, stars, planets, moons, mountains, volcanoes, oceans, etc.

37. This is how we can visualize dissociation over a field: a particular alter in the mind of nature is akin to a ‘whirlpool’ in the ‘river’ of natural mentation.

38. In precisely the same way, there is nothing to an alter of the mind of nature but, well, the mind of nature. The alter is not a thing, but a doing of nature; and this particular kind of doing is what we call a dissociative process. Yet, we can point at an alter of nature and say, “There’s a person!” We can precisely determine its location and delineate its boundaries, just like a whirlpool in a river.

39. When a DID patient is cured, all alters are reintegrated into the host personality. At that point, the host remembers the memories of the alters, and realizes that each and every alter was the host all along. 

40. The patient doesn’t mourn the death of the alters, even though the alters indeed come to an end at the moment of reintegration. The reason why the host doesn’t mourn the death of the alters is that the illusion of dissociation is seen through, and the reality of each alter’s identity becomes evident: the dead alters weren’t actual entities, but mere doings of the host.

41. Here’s another example. When you dream while asleep, you experience a form of dissociation: you identify only with your dream avatar, but not with the rest of the dream. You don’t think that you are the buildings, trees, and people you see around you during the dream. Nonetheless, the buildings, trees, and people you see are being done by you, the dreamer—who else? When you wake up, the dissociation comes to an end and your dream avatar is toast. Yet, you don’t start crying and mourning the death of your dream avatar upon awakening. Why not? Because the end of the dissociation is structurally paired with a seeing through the illusion: immediately upon waking up, you know that your dream avatar wasn’t an entity, but just something you were doing; it was you all along, and you didn’t stop existing because you stopped doing your dream avatar.

42. It is thus reasonable to infer that, when the dissociative alter that goes by your name comes to its end at death, and the true you wakes up, you won’t mourn the death of your waking-life avatar. And you will still have its memories and insights, along with its core subjectivity.

• SUGARY FOODS 

• ALCOHOL AND DRUGS (INCLUDING VAPES) 

• PORNOGRAPHY 

• SOCIAL MEDIA 

• GAMBLING

• ONLINE SHOPPING

2. When you are listening to someone speak, play the game of repeating in your head what the other person is saying as they are saying it, word for word (you can do this out loud, but you might come across as slightly insane).

3. Doing this forced me to stay focused on what exactly was being said and would stop my mind, at least for a little while, from wandering to other topics.

4. Another technique is to make and hold eye contact with the speaker. Eye contact is probably one of the most, if not the most, powerful ways that humans can communicate with each other.

5. By focusing on other people when they speak and actively listening to what it is they're saying, our minds are freed from thinking, which allows us the ability to respond. “Thinking fast” is more a function of being able to respond to what you hear than of thinking of something to say. This in turn allows us to understand and process more information, which invariably leads us to make often‐unexpected connections. And making unexpected connections is just another way of saying “making shit up.”

6.  An improv actor knows that the other actors are going to do the same thing, so each has the confidence to add on and build off of the initial concept. The goal is to take the thinking out of it and focus on listening, making a connection, and responding.

7. In the initial ideation phase, as long as you're responding to what was said by the other actor, it doesn't really matter what you say. As long as your response is inspired in some way by what your scene partner just said, then there is no wrong answer. 

8. Let's take a look at a basic Word Association exercise. I'll start with a word, any word; for example:

Pineapple 

Chunk 

Goonies 

Movies

Popcorn 

Butter 

Ball 

Masquerade 

Intrigue 

Assassination 

9. All I did in this exercise is to associate directly from one idea to get to another. The initial concept is “pineapple.” By associating from one word to the next, I quickly build to the end concept, which is “assassination.” While this is a very basic ideation exercise, it essentially illustrates the fundamentals of improv: listening and building off of other ideas.

10. For one thing, we are generally not raised to make other people's ideas better. Pretty much our entire lives we are taught that there is great value in being an original thinker.

11. Curiosity has been one of the main reasons that I have been fortunate enough to live such an interesting and creative life.

12. I have always found that by doing the things that I am curious about, I have been able to get a deeper understanding of whatever subject I am exploring.

13.  The ability to jump on the spark is the single most important thing for making shit up, in my not‐so‐humble opinion. Look, every asshole has ideas, it's the assholes who do anything with the ideas who can make a difference in their lives.

14. For me the key to identifying a spark is when I get unabashedly excited about something. When I have a positive emotional reaction to an idea, that usually means there is something there to take a look at.

15. One hundred sparks will die out for every one that flickers to life. That is perfectly okay and acceptable. I'm sure there are more talented people than I who have a higher spark‐into‐flame rate. For me it is all about volume. I firmly believe that if I allow enough sparks to start, eventually one will catch.

16. The fear of looking stupid is often one of the biggest reasons we don't go after the things we really want.

17. Maybe you don't immediately hit the open mic stage, but rather you sign up for an improv class. That's all, just sign up. You don't even have to commit in your mind to go, just execute the simplest first step, which is signing up. You don't even need to tell anyone! Then once you do that, force yourself to go to the first class, no commitments after that.

18. What is even stupider than the fear of looking stupid is not pursuing those things in life that you want to try just because you are worried about what other people might think.

19. If we accept that each person thinks mostly about his or her own self then we can infer that everyone else is thinking very little about us. And that is a liberating thing. 

20. The reason that public speaking is consistently in the top three of the list of fears of human beings is because the fear of being humiliated in front of groups is a deep‐seated primal emotion.

21. What I have found helpful is to be declarative in anything that I'm doing. In improv we are trained to make declarative statements wherever possible. This helps drive the action in the scene and also to make very clear to our scene partner as well as the audience what we are trying to achieve.

22. Strong declarative statements help narrow and control the narrative.

23. This is what a declarative statement would look like: “Let's grab a coffee at Dunk's.” This is a strong statement that gives the other actor and the audience clear understanding of the first actor's intent.

24. I have often found that making a strong declarative statement along the lines of “So, I'm doing X now,” tends to stop other people from offering overly negative judgments about what it is I'm doing.

25. It is easy for people to point out why you shouldn't begin something, but it is much more difficult for people to tell you why you should stop doing something, especially if you follow up with the reason why you like doing it. Even the biggest blowhard tends to not want to crush someone else's good vibes. 

26. The declarative statement takes the power of judgment away from the responder.

27. From a functional standpoint, declarative statements shut down negative statements and send the message that you are not overly interested about how the other person feels about what you are doing. By practicing this technique you start to develop somewhere in your brain the ability to care less and less about what people think. This in turn removes one of the biggest obstacles to creating or being original thinker. 

28. Another fun little technique that you can practice is responding to negative thoughts or opinions with two simple words, “Thank you.”

29. “Heightening” is a technique where a concept is built upon in such a way that it grows from a seemingly normal, practical idea into a crazy, outlandish end product that makes people lose their minds.

30. In an improv scene heightening is what builds the stakes and tension and generally leads to humor.

31. The same original premise was still there – customer walks into a coffee shop to buy a cup of coffee – but by making exaggerated choices at different parts in the scene, it became far more compelling to watch.

32. Here is an example of a general idea, heightened: I'm interested in rescue dogs.

What if I rescue stray dogs? 

What if I create a home for them? 

What if that home was a farm? 

How about a ranch? 

10 acres. 

50 acres. 

100 acres. 

1,000 acres. 

A ranch where hundreds of dogs could live. 

Thousands of dogs. 

And I call it Dogland Ranch.

33. I am of the belief that it takes just about the same amount of effort to think big as it does to think small. If I am going to exert my admittedly limited mental energy, I might as well have fun and think big.

34. All communication can be broken down into three avenues of approach; yes, no, or maybe. Do you love me? Yes, no, maybe. You want to grab a beer? Yes, no, maybe. 

35. No. Say it out loud. No! You can feel the power in this simplest of words. No is authority. No is discipline, the parent, the teacher. No by its nature is negative. No is often fearful, afraid of change. No is risk‐averse, happy to maintain the status quo. No is safe.

36. Used correctly, no can help shape the creative process. Wielded in a haphazard way, no can stop the creative process before it ever gets a chance to begin.

37. The idea of “No” has great influence on the creative process, especially at the beginning. In improv we are taught to avoid saying “No,” especially at the very beginning of the scene. If an improv actor offers an idea and their scene partner immediately says “No” to it, then that scene is effectively over.

38. Here is an example of a “No” scene: Gabby: Hey, you want to grab a cup of coffee? Lucy: No, I don't like coffee.

39. Saying “No” at the very beginning of the scene also tends to leads directly to an argument or one‐on‐one conflict. While this can get laughs at first, they will quickly die out as the audience becomes frustrated that no new information is being added and that the story isn't going anywhere.

40. Here is another way this scene typically goes: 

Gabby: Want to grab a cup of coffee? 

Lucy: No, I don't drink coffee. Let's go get some tea.

Gabby: Tea is gross. I hate tea.

41. Saying “No” leads to uninteresting and uncomfortable scenes.

42. When we say “No” to one idea we are typically saying no to three, four, or five ideas.

43. If, though, you are going to have repeated interactions with a person, constantly saying “no” tends to push people away.

44. From a team creation standpoint what can be at least as bad as “No,” and is oftentimes even more problematic, is the “Maybe.”

45. YES, AND. So if “No” stops ideas from moving ahead and “Maybe” slows them down, how exactly do we move ideas along to bigger and better concepts? In modern improvisational theater the actors are trained to use the concept of “Yes, and” to quickly move ideas forward and build to completely new and unexpected concepts that each member of the scene can feel ownership of.

46. If all we ever do is say “Yes,” then we are ceding any control completely to other people. By only saying “Yes” while not offering any of our own ideas, we are taking a very passive approach to the creative process.

47. It is the “and” that kicks the idea in the ass and moves it forward. The “and” leads us to the next action or possibility.

48. Does that mean that we go around on stage constantly saying “Yes, and, Yes, and”? Of course not. That would be terrible and artificial and unbearable to watch. Hell, I will even say something that is practically blasphemous in the improv world: “Yes, and” can sometimes be overblown as a concept. If we never explore conflict or disagreement onstage, then we will miss the opportunity to explore opposing points of view or authentic representations of human interaction.

49. Do we actually say “Yes, and” onstage? Rarely. What we do is try to find ways to agree with our scene partners, and then introduce our own perspective on what is happening. “Yes, and” can be said a hundred different ways: Cool, let's… Awesome, we should… Great, now we can… Sweet, let's go… Nice, now I'm going to…

50. “Yes, and” concept is far more collaborative and leads to a multitude of different possibilities, whereas the “Yes, but” conversation will be far more antagonistic and argumentative and lead to fewer new ideas.

51. Oddly enough, the concept of “No, but” is an effective way of saying no while still keeping somebody on your side and exploring other opportunities.

52. Improv actors are trained to limit their questions onstage and instead make declarative statements.

53. Am I saying we should never ask questions? Of course not. Open‐ended questions, questions of possibility, the “What if” or “How might we” or “Why does” type of question helps us discover new information. Open‐ended questions are excellent tools in the ideation phase of the creative process.

54. Once you get to the “making shit happen” phase, though, they can slow the decision‐making process down to a crawl.

55. The actors are never worried about what the final outcome of the scene would be because they are focused on being in the moment, listening to what is being said, and then continuing to make a series of small decisions.

56. And that is a key component of making shit up. Make a decision and get on with it.

57. In general, people follow passion and energy, not ideas.

58. Humans are drawn to other humans who create energy and stimulate emotions.

59. A simple way of increasing this energy is by consciously moving just a bit faster than we normally do.

60. The first and easiest exercise is to speak louder. I know this must seem like an incredibly trite insight, but I can assure you this, if you consider yourself quiet or shy or an introvert, just increasing your volume a small amount will return great dividends in terms of the energy you exude.

61. If I could give one piece of advice that will immediately make any speech better, it is to inflect different words when you talk. I don't care which ones you pick to INFLECT. They can be NOUNS or they can BE verbs or any other DAMN word you choose. But by simply inflecting different words when you talk you will automatically be better than 90 percent of the speakers who drone on and on, never once altering how they emphasize words. 

62. I decided it was a good opportunity to demonstrate this technique, not only for him but the rest of the group.

63. It read something like this: 

In case of an emergency please exit through the fire doors that can be found at either end of the room. Fire extinguishers are placed in the front and back of the auditorium. Please exit in an orderly fashion and assembled in the designated team area.

64. First I read the instructions in your typical corporate/10th‐grade oral report monotone. Then I read it again like this (caps indicate inflection):

In case of an EMERGENCY please exit through the FIRE Doors that can be FOUND at EITHER end of the room. Fire EXTINGUISHERS are placed in the front AND back of the auditorium. PLEASE exit in an ORDERLY fashion and ASSEMBLE in the DESIGNATED team area. 

65. Through the simple act of inflecting, adding emphasis to various words to break up the monotonous pattern, I took a simple instructional sign and gave it some life and passion.

66. I have found that being impatient in regards to taking action is extremely powerful. Relentlessly push along the things that you tangibly can.

67. Not even near perfection, but tangible results that I can evaluate and then build on. The imperfect results are always better then the near‐perfect idea that never gets implemented.

68. I've always found that when I do something immediately, it begins to create momentum that helps propel me toward my goal. Being impatient helps create the motivation I need to do shit.

69. Patience is about showing up and being there in the moment again and again without any major expectations of results.

70. The single most important thing we ever did at Improv Asylum was to decide to open the doors, turn on the lights, and do shows. Night after night.**

71. I believe that pain tolerance or lack thereof directly correlates to success or failure in the long run in any endeavor we decide to embark upon.

72. You need to go out and put yourself in a position to be lucky. To the best of my knowledge, no one has ever been hit by a train without being in front of it. It is the same thing with the luck. You need to get out and put yourself in situations or environments where experiences and opportunities can happen.

73. If you manage any kind of team, group, reading circle, whatever, my recommendation to you is to “fire the assholes.” They may be high‐performing, they may generate sales, they may be extremely talented, but over the long haul the assholes will always bring a team's performance down. Assholes are demotivational to those around them.

74. Whenever I am facilitating a meeting or directing a group, a technique I use to disarm “the devil's advocate” or anyone else being overly critical during the ideation or initial creation phase is to make sure that no one can offer negative comments without having some intellectual skin in the game. What I mean by “intellectual skin in the game” is that if someone offers a negative comment or observation, I as the person in charge of the group immediately ask that person to offer an idea or potential solution on his or her own.

75. I will not allow someone to sit back and sharp shoot ideas without offering some of their own.

76. When I want to know how our culture is doing, I just take a look the performance of the ushers. If they are happy and having fun and not quitting in droves, then I know that the culture is strong and that managers above them are setting the right tone and leading by example.

77. If you want your team to reach new heights, take a good look at your culture. Because it is your culture that will propel you to the next level, no matter what level you are currently at.

78. As soon as you identify that there are more important tasks or ideas that you need to/want to work on in your business, hire somebody to do the things that are keeping you from doing them.

79. And the best way to learn about anything is by doing it. You can study comedy all you want but until you actually get on stage and do it, it is nothing but high theory.

80. So here is a list of some positive words and phrases that you can start to use in your everyday dialogue: 

Yes and 

We should 

Cool, let's 

What if 

We can

Agreed, 

You are right 

Fantastic idea 

I love that 

So awesome 

Pretty damn good 

Outstanding

81. In a completely contradictory statement, making shit up has also meant not listening to other people when I felt that their views and opinions were not being offered to help me find a way forward, but rather to stop me from pursuing something far greater for myself.

82. Celebrate your wins. Get ice cream and laugh and rehash the awesome plays that everybody made to help win the game. It makes life more enjoyable.

1. While the rest of us are chasing victory, the best in the world know they must avoid losing before they can win. It turns out this is a surprisingly effective strategy.

2. If there is a tagline to my life, it is “Mastering the best of what other people have already figured out,” and this book is a tribute to that belief.

3. Time is the friend of someone who is properly positioned and the enemy of someone poorly positioned. When you are well positioned, there are many paths to victory. If you are poorly positioned, there may be only one. You can think of this a bit like playing Tetris. When you play well, you have many options for where to put the next piece. When you play poorly, you need just the right piece.

4. It doesn’t matter what position you find yourself in right now. What matters is whether you improve your position today. Every ordinary moment is an opportunity to make the future easier or harder. It all depends on whether you’re thinking clearly.

5. Never forget that your unconscious is smarter than you, faster than you, and more powerful than you. It may even control you. You will never know all of its secrets.

6. In the space between stimulus and response, one of two things can happen. You can consciously pause and apply reason to the situation. Or you can cede control and execute a default behavior.

7. So our first step in improving our outcomes is to train ourselves to identify the moments when judgment is called for in the first place, and pause to create space to think clearly.

8. There’s nothing stronger than biological instincts. They control us often without us even knowing. Failing to come to terms with them only makes you more susceptible to their influence.

9. Here’s how each essentially functions: The emotion default: we tend to respond to feelings rather than reasons and facts. The ego default: we tend to react to anything that threatens our sense of self- worth or our position in a group hierarchy. The social default: we tend to conform to the norms of our larger social group. The inertia default: we’re habit forming and comfort seeking. We tend to resist change, and to prefer ideas, processes, and environments that are familiar.

10. The social rewards for going with the crowd are felt long before the benefits of going against it are gained. One measure of a person is the degree to which they’ll do the right thing when it goes against the popular belief. However, it is easy to overestimate our willingness to diverge from the crowd, and underestimate our biological instinct to fit in.

11. Princeton professor Robert George wrote, “I sometimes ask students what their position on slavery would have been had they been white and living in the South before abolition. Guess what? They all would have been abolitionists! They all would have bravely spoken out against slavery, and worked tirelessly against it.” 1 No, they wouldn’t have. They may understandably want to send that signal now when it’s safe to do so, but back then they would have likely behaved the same most everyone else did at the time. 

12. The only way to outperform if you’re doing undifferentiated work is to work harder than everyone else. 

13. Imagine a team of ditchdiggers working with their hands. A slight variation in the amount of soil moved per hour is barely perceptible. Your work is indistinguishable from that of the person next to you. The only way to move more dirt is to dig for longer. 

14. Within this paradigm, the ditchdigger who takes a week off to experiment and invent the shovel seems crazy. Not only do they look like a fool for taking a risk, but their cumulative production falls behind for every day they are not digging. Only when the shovel comes along do others see its advantage. Success requires shamelessness. So too does failure.

15. Doing something different means you might underperform, but it also means you might change the game entirely. If you do what everyone else does, you’ll get the same results that everyone else gets. Best practices aren’t always the best. By definition, they’re average.

16. Lou Brock might have put it best when he said, “Show me a guy who’s afraid to look bad, and I’ll show you a guy you can beat every time.” In other words, someone who’s possessed by the social default is easy to defeat.

17. The inertia default pushes us to maintain the status quo. Starting something is hard but so too is stopping something. We resist change even when change is for the best.

18. “Once our minds are set in a direction, they tend to continue in that direction unless acted upon by some outside force.”

19. The good news is that the same biological tendencies that make us react without reasoning can be reprogrammed into forces for good.

20. The more time you spend with people, the more likely you start to think and act as they do.

21. The way to improve your defaults isn’t by willpower but by creating an intentional environment where your desired behavior becomes the default behavior.

22. Joining groups whose default behaviors are your desired behavior is an effective way to create an intentional environment. 

23. Our defaults work off deeply ingrained biological tendencies— our tendencies for self- preservation, for recognizing and maintaining social hierarchies, and for defending ourselves and our territory. We can’t simply know these tendencies exist and then will them out of existence. On the contrary, the feeling that willpower is all it takes to remove these forces is one of the tricks they use to keep us under their control.

24. To stop our defaults from impeding good judgment, we need to harness equally powerful biological forces. We need to take the same forces that the defaults would use to ruin us and turn them to our advantage. Chief among them is the force of inertia.

25. Establishing rituals is the key to creating positive inertia. Rituals focus the mind on something other than the moment. They can be as simple as taking a quick pause before responding to someone’s point of contention at work. One of my old mentors used to tell me, “When someone slights you in a meeting, take a deep breath before you speak and watch how often you change what you’re about to say.”

26. One effective question to ask yourself before you act is, “Will this action make the future easier or harder?”

27. My grandfather (and many others) used to say, “If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing you need to do is stop digging.”

29. No successful person wants to work with a chronic victim. The only people who want to work with victims are other victims.

30. Know thyself.—INSCRIPTION ON THE TEMPLE OF APOLLO AT DELPHI

31. Emotional intensity is far less important in the long run than disciplined consistency. Inspiration and excitement might get you going, but persistence and routine are what keep you going until you reach your goals.

32. Confidence also Comes from How You Talk to Yourself More dreams die from a lack of confidence than a lack of competence. But while confidence is often a byproduct of our accomplishments, it also comes from how you talk to yourself.

33. Self- confidence is also the strength to accept hard truths. We all have to deal with the world as it is, not as we want it to be. The quicker you stop denying inconvenient truths and start responding to difficult realities, the better.

34. SELF- ACCOUNTABILITY, SELF- KNOWLEDGE, SELF- CONTROL, and self- confidence are essential to exercising good judgment. Here are a couple examples of how they work together.

35. Suppose you know from experience that you’re susceptible to social pressure. To protect yourself from the influence of the social default, you decide to implement a safeguard. You form a rule for yourself: never say yes to something important without thinking it over for a day.

36. Practicing this safeguard isn’t very enjoyable. Putting someone on hold for a day might be uncomfortable.

37. As simple as they seem, automatic rules for common situations get results. We’ll explore automatic rules in the next chapter.

38. It is inevitable if you enter into relations with people on a regular basis… that you will grow to be like them…. Place an extinguished piece of coal next to a live one, and either it will cause the other one to die out, or the live one will make the other reignite…. Remember that if you consort with someone covered in dirt you can hardly avoid getting a little grimy yourself.—EPICTETUS, Discourses

39. Few things are more important in life than avoiding the wrong people. It’s tempting to think that we are strong enough to avoid adopting the worst of others, but that’s not how it typically works.

40. We unconsciously become what we’re near. If you work for a jerk, sooner or later you’ll become one yourself. If your colleagues are selfish, sooner or later you become selfish. If you hang around someone who’s unkind, you’ll slowly become unkind. Little by little, you adopt the thoughts and feelings, the attitudes and standards of the people around you.

41. Few people realize that exceptional outcomes are almost always achieved by people with higher- than- average standards.

42. Champions don’t create the standards of excellence. The standards of excellence create champions. 

43. The best teachers expect more from their students and from themselves. And more often than not, the students rise to meet those expectations. The best leaders expect more from people; they hold them to the same standards they hold themselves— a higher standard than most would otherwise know is possible.

44. When we accept substandard work from others, it’s for the same reason: we’re not all in. When you’re committed to excellence, you don’t let anyone on your team half- ass it. You set the bar, you set it high, and you expect anyone working with you to work just as hard and level up to what you expect or above. Anything less is unacceptable.

45. Masters of their craft don’t merely want to check off a box and move on. They’re dedicated to what they do, and they keep at it. Master- level work requires near fanatical standards, so masters show us what our standards should be.

46. Working with a master firsthand is the best education; it’s the surest way of raising the bar. Their excellence demands your excellence. But most of us aren’t lucky enough to have that opportunity.

47. THERE ARE TWO COMPONENTS TO BUILDING STRENGTH by raising the bar: (a) Choose the right exemplars— ones that raise your standards. Exemplars can be people you work with, people you admire, or even people who lived long ago. It doesn’t matter. What matters is they make you better in a certain area, like a skill, trait, or value.

48. In the previous section, we discussed something most people never think about: if you don’t curate the people in your life, the people who end up surrounding you will be there by chance and not by choice. That group includes your parents, your friends, your family, your coworkers. Sure, your high school friends might be great examples of character and acumen, but odds are they’re average. Sure, your parents might be some of the smartest businesspeople in the world, but odds are they’re not. It’s not that you should remove these people from your life, though; controlling your environment just means intentionally adding exemplars into the mix.

49. As Peter Kaufman once told me, “No technique has been more responsible for my success in life than studying and adopting the good models of others.”

50. One of the biggest mistakes that I see people make is they don’t want to learn from someone who has a character blemish or a worldview that doesn’t align with theirs.

51.  “I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good.” Or, as Cato the Elder put it, “Be careful not to rashly refuse to learn from others.” Don’t throw away the apple because of a bruise on the skin.

52. The only person you’re competing with is the person you were yesterday. Victory is being a little better today. **

53. Bad habits are easy to acquire when there is a delay between action and consequence. If you eat a chocolate bar or skip a workout today, you’re not going to suddenly go from healthy to unhealthy. Work late and miss dinner with your family a couple nights, and it won’t damage your relationship. If you spend today on social media instead of doing work, you’re not going to get fired. However, these choices can end up becoming habits through repetition and accumulate into disaster.

54. The formula for failure is a few small errors consistently repeated.

55. There are two ways to manage your weaknesses. The first is to build your strengths, which will help you overcome the weaknesses you’ve acquired. The second is to implement safeguards, which will help you manage any weaknesses you’re having trouble overcoming with strength alone.

56. THERE ARE MANY INBUILT BIOLOGICAL VULNERABILITIES that can impede good judgment: sleep deprivation, hunger, fatigue, emotion, distraction, stress from feeling rushed, and being in an unfamiliar environment are just some examples. We can’t avoid finding ourselves in these conditions from time to time. But we can implement safeguards to protect us from our defaults when we are. 

57. Safeguards are tools for protecting ourselves from ourselves— from weaknesses that we don’t have the strength to overcome.

58. Purging your home of all junk food is an example of one safeguarding strategy: increasing the amount of “friction” required to do something that’s contrary to your long- term goals.

59. My favorites include prevention, creating rules for yourself, making checklists, shifting your frame of reference, and making the invisible visible. Let’s talk about each strategy.

60. The first kind of safeguard aims at preventing problems before they happen. One way to do this is to avoid decision- making in unfavorable conditions. Stress, for instance, is a big contributor to bad decisions. Some studies have shown that stress short- circuits the deliberation process— it undermines the systematic evaluation of alternatives that’s needed for effective decision- making.

61. Alcoholics Anonymous has a helpful safeguard for its members. They call it HALT— an acronym that stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. When you feel like having a drink, they say, ask yourself whether any of these conditions apply. If so, deal with the real problem— hunger, anger, loneliness, or fatigue— instead of reaching for a drink.

62. Daniel Kahneman, the godfather of cognitive biases and thinking errors, he revealed an unexpected way we can improve our judgment: replacing decisions with rules.

63. When it comes to your health, just like many other elements of your life, environment determines behavior. Your environment makes one path easier than another. 

64. It’s easier to make healthy food choices if the only foods available to you are good for you. It’s also easier to stick to a consistent pattern of choices if you’re in your familiar operating environment. When you’re in an unfamiliar environment, it’s harder to maintain your familiar patterns of behavior, which is why a lot of people stop exercising or eating healthy when they travel.

65. Your environment isn’t just your physical surroundings. It also includes people. Sometimes it’s hard saying no to someone. 

66. We’re wired in a way that makes us want to be liked by others, and we’re afraid that saying no to someone will make them like us less. Saying no to someone repeatedly can be even more difficult. We might say no when our friend offers us a sugary beverage after a workout one day, but if he does it three days in a row, we cave. That’s only human.

67. In a quirk of psychology, people typically don’t argue with your personal rules. They just accept them as features of who you are. People question decisions, but they respect rules.

68. Kahneman told me his favorite rule was never to say yes to a request on the phone. He knows that he wants people to like him, so he wants to say yes in the moment, but after filling up his schedule with things that didn’t make him happy, he decided to be more vigilant about what he agrees to do and why. When people ask him for things over the phone now, he says something along the lines of, “I’ll have to get back to you after I think about it.” Not only does this give him time to think without the immediate social pressure, but it also allows a lot of these requests to just drop away because people choose not to follow up. He rarely gets back to any of these people and says yes.

69. Another safeguarding strategy is to increase the amount of effort it takes to do things that are contrary to your goals. I used to find myself checking my email whenever I have a second. I’d check it before I got out of bed, on the walk home from work, in line at the grocery store.**

70. If there were a recipe for accumulated disaster, it would be giving the best of ourselves to the least important things and the worst of ourselves to the most important things. 

71. Checklists, for instance, offer a simple way to override your defaults. Pilots go through a preflight checklist every time they fly. Surgeons go through preoperative checklists every time they operate. You might have a packing checklist every time you travel. In each of these cases, the checklist acts as a safeguard, forcing us to slow down whatever we’re doing and go back to basics. 

72. ONCE YOU HAVE reprogrammed your defaults to create space for clear thinking, you must master the skill of decision- making.

73. Decisions are different from choices. If you casually select an option from a range of alternatives, you’ve made a choice. If you react without thinking, you’ve made an unconscious choice. But neither of these is the same as a decision. A decision is a choice that involves conscious thought.

74. That process is about weighing your options with the aim of selecting the best one, and it’s composed of four stages: defining the problem, exploring possible solutions, evaluating the options, and finally making the judgment and executing the best option. We will discuss each of these components in detail throughout this chapter.

75. When the stakes are low, inaction hurts you more than speed. Sometimes it’s better just to make a quick choice and not spend time deliberating

76. Why waste time when action is inconsequential and its effects are easily reversed? For example, if there are two identical squat racks in the gym and both are momentarily open, it makes no difference which one you take. If you wait and decide, they’ll both be taken by someone else. Just choose either one.

77. When the stakes are higher, though, speed can hurt you. If an action could have a major impact on your life or your business and its effects can’t be reversed, you must decide and not merely choose.

78. In these cases, the magnitude of the potential losses makes careful decision- making a worthwhile investment of your time. In these cases, evaluate the options and decide. Don’t just choose. 

79. The next few sections describe some tools for reasoning better when making decisions. They won’t solve every decision- making problem, because no tool is right for every job; each has its uses and limitations. You need multiple tools in your toolbox. Otherwise, you end up solving the wrong problems. As the old adage says, “If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.”

80. “What would have to be true for this problem not to exist in the first place?” The way you define a problem changes what you see.

81. A mentor of mine once taught me that the best way to avoid finding the perfect solution to the wrong problem at work, when time allows, is to hold two separate meetings: one to define the problem, and one to come up with the solution.

82. One way to keep meetings short and avoid the signaling that comes from repeating information that everyone knows is simply asking everyone, “What do you know about this problem that other people in the room don’t know?”

83. Remember that writing out the problem makes the invisible visible. Write down what you think the problem is, and then look at it the next day. If you find yourself using jargon in your description, it’s a sign that you don’t fully understand the problem. And if you don’t understand it, you shouldn’t be making a decision about it.

84. SAFEGUARD: Use the test of time. Test whether you’re addressing the root cause of a problem, rather than merely treating a symptom, by asking yourself whether it will stand the test of time. Will this solution fix the problem permanently, or will the problem return in the future? If it seems like the latter, then chances are you’re only treating a symptom.

85. You can put your energy into short- term solutions or long- term solutions but not both. Any energy that’s channeled toward short- term solutions depletes energy that could be put into finding a long- term fix.

86. ONCE YOU’RE CLEAR ON THE PROBLEM, IT’S TIME TO THINK of possible solutions— ways of overcoming the obstacles to get what you want. The way to come up with possible solutions is by imagining different possible futures— different ways the world could turn out.

87. Luckily, there’s a way to convert the hindsight of tomorrow into the foresight of today. It’s a thought experiment that psychologists call premortem. The concept isn’t new, it originates in Stoic philosophy. Seneca used premeditatio malorum (“ the premeditation of evils”) to prepare for the inevitable ups and downs of life. The point isn’t to worry about problems; it’s to fortify and prepare for them.

88. Imagining what could go wrong doesn’t make you pessimistic.

89. “Failure comes from a failure to imagine failure.” 

90. THE 3 + PRINCIPLE: Force yourself to explore at least three possible solutions to a problem. If you find yourself considering only two options, force yourself to find at least one more.

91. SAFEGUARD: Imagine that one of the options is off the table. Take each of the options you’re considering, and one at a time, ask yourself, “What would I do if that were not possible?”

92. SAFEGUARD: Come up with Both- And options. Try to find ways of combining the binary. Think not in terms of choosing either X or Y, but rather having both X and Y.

93. This is an important aspect of leadership and problem-solving in general: you have to pick one criterion above all.

94. Most information is irrelevant. irrelevant. Knowing what to ignore—separating the signal from the noise—is the key to not wasting valuable time. Think, for example, of investment decisions. The best investors know which variables probabilistically govern the outcomes, and they pay attention to those. They don’t ignore everything else, but focusing primarily on those variables allows them to filter massive amounts of information very quickly.

100. The quality of your decisions is directly related to the quality of your thoughts. The quality of your thoughts is directly related to the quality of your information. Many people treat all sources of information as if they’re equally valid. They’re not. While you might value getting everyone’s opinion, that doesn’t mean each opinion should be equally weighted or considered.**

101. SAFEGUARD: Run an experiment. Try something out to see what kinds of results it yields.

102. An experiment is a low-risk way of gathering important information. For example, if you want to know whether people will pay for something, try to sell it before you even create it. 

103. That’s what my friends at Tuft & Needle did. They were one of the first companies to ship foam mattresses directly to consumers’ homes. They shared an incredible story with me over coffee one day, about their early days. In order to validate their idea, they set up a landing page, bought some Facebook ads, and started taking orders. 

104. They didn’t even have a product or a company yet; they just wanted to see if people would buy foam mattresses from them. After a few days of receiving orders, they had all the proof they needed that people would buy their product. They refunded all the orders and officially started their company. While this example may be a bit unorthodox, there are many ways in which experimenting can help determine whether there’s sufficient demand for a product or service.

105. Experts can increase the accuracy of your information and decrease the time it takes to get it. Getting even one expert’s advice can cut through a lot of confusion and help you quickly formulate and/or eliminate options.

106. Experts don’t treat all requests for help equally, though. Some requests really don’t feel good to receive. Usually these are requests of the tell-me-what-I-should-do type. Often these people haven’t done the work ahead of time, they just want you to decide for them.

107. Remember: the goal isn’t to have someone tell you what to do; rather, it’s to learn how an expert thinks about the problem, which variables they consider relevant, and how those variables interact over time.**

108. THE STOP, FLOP, KNOW PRINCIPLE: Stop gathering more information and execute your decision when either you Stop gathering useful information, you First Lose an OPportunity (FLOP), or you come to Know something that makes it evident what option you should choose.

109. When failure is expensive, it’s worth investing in large margins of safety. A margin of safety is a buffer between what you expect to happen and what could happen. It’s designed to save you when surprises are expensive.

110. A margin of safety is like having insurance. If you know in advance you won’t need to make a claim this year, it’s a waste of money to buy insurance. The problem is that you don’t know in what year you’ll need to make a claim, so you buy it every year. It might seem like a waste of money in years when nothing happens, but it shows its real value in years when something does.

111. Building a margin of safety means giving yourself as much cushioning and coverage in the future as possible. It’s a way of preparing yourself for the widest range of possible future outcomes—and protecting yourself against the worst ones.

112. TIP: The margin of safety is often sufficient when it can absorb double the worst-case scenario. So the baseline for a margin of safety is one that could withstand twice the amount of problems that would cause a crisis, or maintain twice the amount of resources needed to rebuild after a crisis.

113. For example, if you want to feel financially secure even if you lose your job, you can estimate how long it will take you to gain employment again, and then save enough to live off savings for double that amount of time.

114. However, if you have a lot of expertise and data, you can reduce your margin of safety yet further. Here’s an example: Warren Buffett aims to buy stocks that are 30–50 percent less than their true value. So he has a 30–50 percent margin of safety on stocks. But he’ll pay close to a dollar on the dollar for stocks that he understands well. So there’s only maybe a 20 percent margin of safety on the stocks he’s the most confident in.

115. One of Warren Buffett’s core tenets for buying a business is that if he doesn’t understand it, he doesn’t buy it. In other words, if he doesn’t have enough information to calculate a margin of safety, he doesn’t invest at all.

116. Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking that you have something to lose.

117. At some point my kids figured out that it was easier to solve a maze backward than forward, especially if the maze is harder or more complicated than usual. Something about starting with the end in mind, they realized, makes it easier to decide which path to take. Life in general works similarly.

2.  Three characteristics— one, contagiousness; two, the fact that little causes can have big effects; and three, that change happens not gradually but at one dramatic moment

3. The name given to that one dramatic moment in an epidemic when everything can change all at once is the Tipping Point.

4. And when an epidemic tips, when it is jolted out of equilibrium, it tips because something has happened, some change has occurred in one (or two or three) of those areas. These three agents of change I call the Law of the Few, the Stickiness Factor, and the Power of Context.

5. When it comes to epidemics, though, this disproportionality becomes even more extreme: a tiny percentage of people do the majority of the work.

6.  In all of the city of Colorado Springs— a town of well in excess of 100,000 people— the epidemic of gonorrhea tipped because of the activities of 168 people living in four small neighborhoods and basically frequenting the same six bars. Who were those 168 people? They aren’t like you or me. They are people who go out every night, people who have vastly more sexual partners than the norm, people whose lives and behavior are well outside of the ordinary.

7. This idea of the importance of stickiness in tipping has enormous implications for the way we regard social epidemics as well. We tend to spend a lot of time thinking about how to make messages more contagious— how to reach as many people as possible with our products or ideas. But the hard part of communication is often figuring out how to make sure a message doesn’t go in one ear and out the other. Stickiness means that a message makes an impact. You can’t get it out of your head. It sticks in your memory.

8. The Stickiness Factor says that there are specific ways of making a contagious message memorable; there are relatively simple changes in the presentation and structuring of information that can make a big difference in how much of an impact it makes.

9. The Power of Context says that human beings are a lot more sensitive to their environment than they may seem.

10. The answer is that the success of any kind of social epidemic is heavily dependent on the involvement of people with a particular and rare set of social gifts: Connectors, Mavens, and Salesmen.

11. Most of us don’t have particularly broad and diverse groups of friends. In one well- known study, a group of psychologists asked people living in the Dyckman public housing project in northern Manhattan to name their closest friend in the project; 88 percent of the friends lived in the same building, and half lived on the same floor. In general, people chose friends of similar age and race.

12. But if the friend lived down the hall, then age and race became a lot less important. Proximity overpowered similarity.

13. We’re friends with the people we do things with, as much as we are with the people we resemble. We don’t seek out friends, in other words. We associate with the people who occupy the same small, physical spaces that we do. 

14. The answer is that in the six degrees of separation, not all degrees are equal. When Milgram analyzed his experiment, for example, he found that many of the chains from Omaha to Sharon followed the same asymmetrical pattern. Twenty- four letters reached the stockbroker at his home in Sharon, and of those, sixteen were given to him by the same person, a clothing merchant Milgram calls Mr. Jacobs.

15. The balance of letters came to the stockbroker at his office, and of those the majority came through two other men, whom Milgram calls Mr. Brown and Mr. Jones. In all, half of the responses that came back to the stockbroker were delivered to him by these same three people.

16. Six degrees of separation doesn’t mean that everyone is linked to everyone else in just six steps. It means that a very small number of people are linked to everyone else in a few steps, and the rest of us are linked to the world through those special few.

17. These people who link us up with the world, who bridge Omaha and Sharon, who introduce us to our social circles— these people on whom we rely more heavily than we realize— are Connectors, people with a special gift for bringing the world together.

18. He found that 56 percent of those he talked to found their job through a personal connection. Another 18.8 percent used formal means— advertisements, headhunters— and roughly 20 percent applied directly. This much is not surprising; the best way to get in the door is through a personal contact. But, curiously, Granovetter found that of those personal connections, the majority were “weak ties.” Of those who used a contact to find a job, only 16.7 percent saw that contact “often”— as they would if the contact were a good friend— and 55.6 percent saw their contact only “occasionally.” Twenty- eight percent saw the contact “rarely.” People weren’t getting their jobs through their friends. They were getting them through their acquaintances.

19. Word- of- mouth epidemics are the work of Connectors.

20. Paul Revere was a Connector. But he was also— and this is the second of the three kinds of people who control word- of- mouth epidemics— a Maven. The word Maven comes from the Yiddish, and it means one who accumulates knowledge.

21. The critical thing about Mavens, though, is that they aren’t passive collectors of information. It isn’t just that they are obsessed with how to get the best deal on a can of coffee. What sets them apart is that once they figure out how to get that deal, they want to tell you about it too.

22. Mavens have the knowledge and the social skills to start word- of- mouth epidemics. What sets Mavens apart, though, is not so much what they know but how they pass it along. The fact that Mavens want to help, for no other reason than because they like to help

23. A Connector might tell ten friends where to stay in Los Angeles, and half of them might take his advice. A Maven might tell five people where to stay in Los Angeles but make the case for the hotel so emphatically that all of them would take his advice. These are different personalities at work, acting for different reasons. But they both have the power to spark word- of- mouth epidemics.

24. In a social epidemic, Mavens are data banks. They provide the message. Connectors are social glue: they spread it. But there is also a select group of people— Salesmen— with the skills to persuade us when we are unconvinced of what we are hearing, and they are as critical to the tipping of word- of- mouth epidemics as the other two groups. Who are these Salesmen? And what makes them so good at what they do?

25. If we think about emotion this way— as outside- in, not inside- out— it is possible to understand how some people can have an enormous amount of influence over others. Some of us, after all, are very good at expressing emotions and feelings, which means that we are far more emotionally contagious than the rest of us. Psychologists call these people “senders.” Senders have special personalities.

26. They are also physiologically different. Scientists who have studied faces, for example, report that there are huge differences among people in the location of facial muscles, in their form, and also— surprisingly— even in their prevalence. “It is a situation not unlike in medicine,” says Cacioppo. “There are carriers, people who are very expressive, and there are people who are especially susceptible. It’s not that emotional contagion is a disease. But the mechanism is the same.”

27. Only the charismatic person could infect the other people in the room with his or her emotions.

28. The Law of the Few says that there are exceptional people out there who are capable of starting epidemics. All you have to do is find them.

29. The lesson of stickiness is the same. There is a simple way to package information that, under the right circumstances, can make it irresistible. All you have to do is find it.

30. Wilson and Kelling argued that crime is the inevitable result of disorder. If a window is broken and left unrepaired, people walking by will conclude that no one cares and no one is in charge. Soon, more windows will be broken, and the sense of anarchy will spread from the building to the street on which it faces, sending a signal that anything goes. In a city, relatively minor problems like graffiti, public disorder, and aggressive panhandling, they write, are all the equivalent of broken windows, invitations to more serious crimes: Muggers and robbers, whether opportunistic or professional, believe they reduce their chances of being caught or even identified if they operate on streets where potential victims are already intimidated by prevailing conditions. If the neighborhood cannot keep a bothersome panhandler from annoying passersby, the thief may reason, it is even less likely to call the police to identify a potential mugger or to interfere if the mugging actually takes place.

31. This is an epidemic theory of crime. It says that crime is contagious— just as a fashion trend is contagious— that it can start with a broken window and spread to an entire community.

32. Broken Windows theory and the Power of Context are one and the same. They are both based on the premise that an epidemic can be reversed, can be tipped, by tinkering with the smallest details of the immediate environment.

33. Psychologists call this tendency the Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE), which is a fancy way of saying that when it comes to interpreting other people’s behavior, human beings invariably make the mistake of overestimating the importance of fundamental character traits and underestimating the importance of the situation and context.

34. There is something in all of us that makes us instinctively want to explain the world around us in terms of people’s essential attributes: he’s a better basketball player, that person is smarter than I am.

35. Judith Harris has convincingly argued that peer influence and community influence are more important than family influence in determining how children turn out. Studies of juvenile delinquency and high school drop- out rates, for example, demonstrate that a child is better off in a good neighborhood and a troubled family than he or she is in a troubled neighborhood and a good family.

36. Wesley realized that if you wanted to bring about a fundamental change in people’s belief and behavior, a change that would persist and serve as an example to others, you needed to create a community around them, where those new beliefs could be practiced and expressed and nurtured.

37. Dunbar has actually developed an equation, which works for most primates, in which he plugs in what he calls the neocortex ratio of a particular species— the size of the neocortex relative to the size of the brain— and the equation spits out the expected maximum group size of the animal. If you plug in the neocortex ratio for Homo sapiens, you get a group estimate of 147.8— or roughly 150. “The figure of 150 seems to represent the maximum number of individuals with whom we can have a genuinely social relationship, the kind of relationship that goes with knowing who they are and how they relate to us.

38. Dunbar has combed through the anthropological literature and found that the number 150 pops up again and again. For example, he looks at 21 different hunter- gatherer societies for which we have solid historical evidence, from the Walbiri of Australia to the Tauade of New Guinea to the Ammassalik of Greenland to the Ona of Tierra del Fuego and found that the average number of people in their villages was 148.4.

39. Over the years military planners have arrived at a rule of thumb which dictates that functional fighting units cannot be substantially larger than 200 men,” Dunbar writes. “This, I suspect, is not simply a matter of how the generals in the rear exercise control and coordination, because companies have remained obdurately stuck at this size despite all the advances in communications technology since the first world war.

40. Then there is the example of the religious group known as the Hutterites, who for hundreds of years have lived in self- sufficient agricultural colonies in Europe and, since the early twentieth century, in North America. The Hutterites (who came out of the same tradition as the Amish and the Mennonites) have a strict policy that every time colony approaches 150, they split it in two and start a new one. “Keeping things under 150 just seems to be the best and most efficient way to manage a group of people,” Bill Gross, one of the leaders of a Hutterite colony outside Spokane told me. “When things get larger than that, people become strangers to one another.”

41. The Rule of 150 suggests that the size of a group is another one of those subtle contextual factors that can make a big difference.

42. Heavy smokers have been shown to have a much greater sex drive than nonsmokers. They are more sexually precocious; they have a greater “need” for sex, and greater attraction to the opposite sex.

43. At age nineteen, for example, 15 percent of nonsmoking white women attending college have had sex. The same number for white female college students who do smoke is 55 percent.

44. Contagiousness is in larger part a function of the messenger. Stickiness is primarily a property of the message.

45. In a series of large and well-designed studies of twins — particularly twins separated at birth and reared apart — geneticists have shown that most of the character traits that make us who we are — friendliness, extroversion, nervousness, openness, and so on — are about half determined by our genes and half determined by our environment, and the assumption has always been that this environment that makes such a big difference in our lives is the environment of the home. The problem is, however, that whenever psychologists have set out to look for this nurture effect, they can’t find it.

46. On things like measures of intellectual ability and certain aspects of personality, the biological children are fairly similar to their parents. For the adopted kids, however, the results are downright strange. Their scores have nothing whatsoever in common with their adoptive parents: these children are no more similar in their personality or intellectual skills to the people who raised them, fed them, clothed them, read to them, taught them, and loved them for sixteen years than they are to any two adults taken at random off the street.

47. Two years later, Columbia University psychologist Alexander Glassman discovered that 60 percent of the heavy smokers he was studying as part of an entirely different research project had a history of major depression. About 80 percent of alcoholics smoke. Close to 90 percent of schizophrenics smoke.

2. ‘The salesperson never decides when the sale is over; the customer does.’ Then he looked me in the eye and said, ‘Eric, your fear of hearing the word ‘no’ is the only thing standing between you and greatness.’

3. “After the conversation with Harold I started really looking at what set successful people apart from the masses, and their willingness to fail was at the top of the list.

4. Successful people fail eagerly while failures avoid failing. The whole point of becoming willing to fail more is to become a success, so that one day you won’t be forced to look back on your life and say to yourself, ‘I’m a failure.’

5. A willingness to fail means a person will tolerate just enough failure to get what they need from life, and no more. A wantingness, on the other hand, means you’re not just tolerating the no’s in your life, you’re actually beginning to seek them.

6. What if we decided to make each no we received and every rejection we encountered something that empowers us? Instead of avoiding rejection, what if we made the decision to seek rejection? Instead of avoiding no or perhaps simply tolerating it, what if we went out of our way to actually go for no!”

7. “Simple. Rather than setting goals for the number of yes’s you are planning to get each week, you set goals for the number of no’s you’re going to collect.”

8. “Let’s use my friend Paul who is in network marketing, for example. If his goal is to get ten people per week to come to a meeting, and typically about five percent of the people he approaches are willing to attend, then his goal would be to get one hundred and ninety people to say ‘no thanks.’”

9. Believe it or not, research shows that eighty-five percent of all interactions between retail salespeople and shoppers end without the salesperson ever asking for a buying decision.

10. “Absolutely! Studies show that as many as 80% of all salespeople don’t make it through their first year for the simple reason that they failed to make enough calls. That’s it. Nothing else.”

11. “That reminds me of this telemarketing guru I heard about,” I interjected. “He recommends that phone solicitors ask customers in the first ten seconds if they have interest in hearing about the product they’re selling. If the customer says no, then they politely say thank you and move on rather than going through their entire pitch. As a result, they make ten times as many calls, but only invest their time making their complete sales pitch to prospects who have just qualified themselves.” “It’s the same basic premise,” Cheryl replied. “You know, when you mine for gold, you don’t really look for the gold, you remove the dirt. Selling and gold mining are very much alike. It’s the people who remove the most dirt, who work their way through the greatest number of no’s, who ultimately discover the greatest number of golden yes’s!”

12. “the best piece of advice I can offer is to learn that no doesn’t mean never, it means not yet. Statistically, research shows that forty-four percent of salespeople give up after one no. Twenty-two more give up after the second no. Fourteen percent more give up after the third no. Twelve more give up after the fourth no. What does that come to?”

13. “Correct. Ninety-two percent of all salespeople give up without asking for the sale a fifth time, but research also shows that sixty percent of all customers say no four times before they finally say yes. That means the quickest way to separate yourself from the rest of the pack is to get at least five no’s from everyone you try to sell to!” “And you track that?” I asked.

14. “Because when I get someone to say no, I can immediately move to the next step which is to ask, ‘why?’ Let me think about it teaches me absolutely nothing, but if they say no and I follow up with why, now I’m on the verge of discovering what I need to do next to make the sale.”

15. “Well, I’d have to say my advice would be this… If you’re going to fail, fail big!” Kurt stated. “Elaborate on that,” Eric encouraged. “What I mean is simply this,” Kurt continued. “Common sense says that if you’re going to get a no from somebody, get it from the client who needs twenty copiers, not just two. Get rejected by the purchasing agent from the company that buys forty thousand gallons of cleaning solution every month, not just forty.

16. “Think about the numbers for a moment. If I call on one hundred accounts that each have the potential to lease two copiers from me, and my closing ratio is ten percent, then I end up with twenty units out the door, right? But by focusing on accounts with the potential to lease twenty copiers, I only needed to close one sale to get the same twenty units!”

17. “For starters, I’d say that a primary key to creating outrageous success is to understand the need to fail exponentially. After all, one person can only fail so fast. Great leaders help everyone in the organization understand the need to fail faster.

18. “Exponential failure requires someone in the organization to be an exponent, in other words an advocate or spokesman, of the failure concept and to champion it. But I can’t begin to tell you how many executives I’ve seen who reach the top and suddenly forget what got them there. They start trying to avoid failure, and when a leader is afraid to fail, everyone in the organization knows it. Not only do people sense it but they figure that if you’re afraid of something, there’s a good chance it’s something they should be afraid of, too.”

19. “The second is to reward people for their failures, not just their successes,” he responded. “Everyone runs over to congratulate people for their sales successes, but how often do we go out of our way to congratulate people for their failures?” “Virtually never,” I said.

20. Don’t get me wrong; I’m all in favor of rewarding people for their successes, but not to the exclusion of recognizing the people who’ve displayed a true willingness and wantingness to fail.

21. “At CopyQuest, we recognize the top ten salespeople with a ‘Producers Pin’ award,” Eric continued, “but we also recognize the ten salespeople in the organization with the greatest number of failed attempts with what we call the ‘Go for No!’ award. And, if I recall correctly, Cheryl and Kurt made both lists.”

22. “That’s because we’ve caught on to the concept that winning a ‘Go for No!’ award almost assures that you’ll end up with a Producers Pin. Or, put another way,” Kurt concluded, “Yes is the destination, No is how you get there!”

1.If an unlucky man sold umbrellas, it would stop raining; if he sold candles, the sun would never set; and if he made coffins, people would stop dying. - Yiddish saying

2. Throw a lucky man in the sea and he will come up with a fish in his mouth. - Arab proverb

3.People are not born lucky. Instead, lucky people are, without realising it, using four basic principles to create good fortune in their lives.

4. People who were lucky in their financial lives also reported being lucky in their home lives, and people who were unlucky in their careers were also unlucky in their relationships. 

5. Luck could not simply be the outcome of chance events. There were too many people consistently experiencing good and bad luck for it all to be chance. Instead, there must be something causing things to work out consistently well for some people and consistently badly for others.

6. There are four main differences between the lives of lucky and unlucky people:

• Lucky people constantly encounter chance opportunities. They accidentally meet people who have a very beneficial effect on their lives and come across interesting opportunities in newspapers and magazines.

• Lucky people also make good decisions without knowing why

• Lucky people’s dreams, ambitions and goals have an uncanny knack of coming true.

• Lucky people also have an ability to turn their bad luck into good fortune.

7. The results indicated that luck wasn’t due to psychic ability.

8. Lucky people are far more satisfied with all areas of their life than unlucky and neutral people. The unlucky people were consistently the most dissatisfied.

9. The results of the experiment were clear – being lucky and unlucky is not related to intelligence. 

10. Lucky people’s expectations of winning were more than twice that of unlucky people.

11. When it comes to random events like the lottery, such expectations count for little. Someone with a high expectation of winning will do as well as someone with a low expectation.

12. However, life is not like a lottery. Often, our expectations make a difference. They make a difference to whether we try something, how hard we persist in the face of failure, how we interact with others and how others interact with us.

13. Principle: Lucky people create, notice and act upon the chance opportunities in their life

14. . I discovered that being in the right place at the right time is actually all about being in the right state of mind.

15. What is behind Lynne, Wendy and Joe’s winning ways? Their secret is surprisingly simple. They all enter a very large number of competitions. Each week, Wendy enters about sixty postal competitions, and about seventy Internet-based competitions.

16. Likewise, both Lynne and Joe enter about fifty competitions a week, and their chances of winning are increased with each and every entry. All three of them were well aware that their lucky winning ways are, in reality, due to the large number of competitions they enter. As Wendy explained, ‘I am a lucky person, but luck is what you make it. I win a lot of competitions

17. After years of research, most psychologists agree that there are only five underlying dimensions to our personalities: five dimensions on which we all vary. These dimensions have been found in both the young and old, in men and women and across many

18. These dimensions are often referred to as Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Neuroticism and Openness.

19. Interestingly, lucky people scored no higher on Agreeableness than unlucky people.

20. But once again, there was very little difference in the Conscientiousness scores of lucky and unlucky people.

21. The groups did, however, obtain very different scores on the remaining three personality dimensions – Extroversion, Neuroticism and Openness.

22. There are  three ways in which lucky people’s extroversion significantly increases the likelihood of them having a lucky chance encounter – meeting a large number of people, being a ‘social magnet’, and keeping in contact with people.

23. First, in the same way that Lynne, Joe and Wendy increase their chances of winning prizes by entering lots of competitions, so lucky people dramatically increase the possibility of a lucky chance encounter by meeting a large number of people in their daily lives. The concept is simple. The more people they meet, the greater opportunity they have of running into someone who has a positive effect on their lives.

24. ‘Social magnets’ exhibit the types of body language and facial expressions that other people find attractive and inviting.

25. The lucky people smiled twice as much as unlucky people and engaged in far more eye contact.

26. However, perhaps the biggest differences emerged when we examined the degree to which they engaged in ‘open’ or ‘closed’ body language. People exhibit ‘closed’ body language when they cross their arms and legs, and orient themselves away from the person they are speaking to. ‘Open’ body language is exactly the opposite. People point their bodies towards the person that they are speaking to, uncross their arms and legs and often make gestures that involve them displaying open palms.

27. Lucky people tended to engage in three times as much ‘open’ body language as unlucky people.

28. Lucky people are effective at building secure, and long lasting, attachments with the people that they meet. They are easy to get to know and most people like them. They tend to be trusting and form close friendships with others. As a result, they often keep in touch with a much larger number of friends and colleagues than unlucky people, and time and time again, this network of friends helps promote opportunity in their lives.

29. Neuroticism. People who obtain a low score on this dimension are generally calm and relaxed, whilst people who obtain a high score are more tense and anxious.

30. Because lucky people tend to be more relaxed than most, they are more likely to notice chance opportunities.

31. Exactly the same principle applies when they meet and chat with other people. They do not go to parties and meetings trying hard to find their dream partners or someone who will offer them their perfect job. Instead, they are simply relaxed and therefore more attuned to the opportunities around them. They go to parties and listen to people. Lucky people see what is there, rather than trying to find what they want to see.

32. These centre around another important dimension of their personalities referred to as ‘Openness’. People who obtain a high score on this dimension like to have a great deal of variety and novelty in their lives. They love trying new experiences, new kinds of food and new ways of doing things. They tend not to be bound by convention and they like the notion of unpredictability.

33. People who obtain a low score on openness tend to be much more conventional. They tend to like to do things the way that they have been done in the past.

34. Lucky people have much higher openness scores on the personality test than unlucky people.

35. To help disrupt this routine, and make life more fun, he thinks of a colour before he arrives at the party and then chooses to speak only to people wearing that colour of clothing!

36. It is exactly the same with luck. It is easy to exhaust the opportunities in your life: keep on talking to the same people in the same way; keep taking the same route to and from work; keep going to the same places on holiday. But new or even random experiences introduce the potential for new opportunities.

37. Smile when you see someone you know or someone that you would like to make contact with. Don’t try to fake it by putting on a false smile. Instead, think about how you genuinely feel. Also, force yourself to adopt an ‘open’ posture. Uncross your arms and legs, and keep your hands away from your face.

38. Suggested Exercise: Each week for the next month, I would like you to strike up a conversation with at least one person who you don’t know very well, or don’t know at all.

39. Do not try to chat to people who make you feel uncomfortable – instead, only try to initiate a conversation with people who look friendly and approachable.

40. Try to avoid making your opening gambit look artificial and contrived. Instead, capitalise on a naturally occurring situation, such as when you find yourself standing next to someone in a line, or happen to be in the same section of a bookshop as them, or you sit next to them on a train or aeroplane.

41. To break the ice, ask the person for information or help. In a store you might ask them if they know when the store closes, in the street you might ask them for directions or whether they know a good place to eat. Alternatively, find something about the person that you like, or find interesting, and comment on it.

42. Most important of all – don’t be afraid of rejection. Your first few attempts may simply involve a brief interaction and nothing more. Don’t take it personally – perhaps the person was busy or just didn’t feel like chatting – instead, keep on going.

43. Suggested Exercise: Play the contact game Each week, I would like you to make contact with one person who you haven’t been in touch with for a while. Many people find this difficult. Here are some ideas about how to do it: Look through your address book and make a list of the names and telephone numbers of everyone that you haven’t spoken to for a while. Go back over your past school, work and community connections. Make the list as long as possible. Then, each week play the ‘ten-minute contact game’. Give yourself ten minutes to talk to someone that you haven’t spoken to for a while.

44. Be open to new experiences in your life. Many lucky people maximise the likelihood of encountering chance opportunities by being open to new experiences. Many people regularly try different routes to and from work, and sometimes even have fun by making random decisions using dice.

45. Principle: Lucky people make successful decisions by using their intuition

46. The results were fascinating. As you can see in the graph on page 75, a very large percentage of lucky people used their intuition when making decisions in two of the four areas mentioned on the questionnaire. Almost 90% of lucky people said that they trusted their intuition when it came to their personal relationships, and almost 80% said that it played a vital role in their career choices.

47.

1. The pair is the primary creative unit. In his study of creative circles ranging from the French impressionists to the founders of psychoanalysis, the sociologist Michael Farrell discovered that groups created a sense of community, purpose, and audience but that the truly important work ended up happening in pairs, as with Claude Monet and Pierre Auguste Renoir, and Sigmund Freud and Wilhelm Fliess.

2. Why is this? For one thing, it’s probably true that we’re set up to interact with a single person more openly and deeply than with any group, given that our psyches take shape through one-on-one exchanges with caregivers.

3. The dyad is also the most fluid and flexible of relationships. Two people can basically make their own society on the go. When even one more person is added to the mix, the situation becomes more stable, but this stability may stifle creativity, as roles and power positions harden.

4. Three legs make a table stand in place. Two legs are made for walking or running (or jumping or falling).

5. Pairs naturally arouse engagement, even intensity. In a larger group, an individual may lie low, phone it in. But nobody can hide in a pair. “The decisive characteristic of the dyad is that each of the two must actually accomplish something,” wrote Georg Simmel, “and that in the case of failure only the other remains—not a supra-individual force, as prevails in a group even of three.”

6. By comparing hundreds of creative pairs, I found that they moved through six stages:

• Meeting. Looking at the earliest encounter of individuals who will form a pair, the conditions and characteristics that engender chemistry or electricity—unusual similarities coinciding with unusual differences—become clear. 
• Confluence. Over time, two individuals move beyond mere interest and excitement in each other—they truly become a pair by surrendering elements of their singular selves to form what psychologists call a “joint identity.” 
• Dialectics. In the heart of their creative work, pairs thrive on distinct and enmeshed roles, taking up positions in archetypal combinations that point to the essential place of dichotomy in the creative process. 
• Distance. To thrive for the long term, pairs need more than closeness. They must also find an optimal distance from each other, carving out sufficient space in which to cultivate distinct ideas and experiences in order to give a partnership an ongoing frisson. 
• The Infinite Game. At the height of their work, pairs operate at the nexus of competition and cooperation, a dialectic that reveals the stark nature of power and the potential for conflict. 
• Interruption. Looking at how pairs end, we see them driven apart by the same energies that pushed them forward. They lose, not their spark, but their balance, often due to some critical change in the context around them. And yet, considering how they remain bound up in each other practically and psychologically, we can also say that creative pairs never truly end.

7. Before we start, you may want to know just what I mean by creativity. I have borrowed a broad definition from the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: “to bring into existence something genuinely new that is valued enough to be added to the culture.”

8. Put another way: The individuals in great dyads will be very different from each other and very much alike.

9. Similarity is a good place for us to start, because common interests and sensibilities usually bring future partners together in the first place.

10. Consider a study by the sociologists Duncan J. Watts and Gueorgi Kossinets on how friendships form on a university campus. Roughly 45 percent of new pairs met through mutual friends, and another 41 percent of new pairs met through mutual friends and shared contexts (like classes).

11. The formation of new ties varied with network distance, meaning that individuals who were separated by two intermediaries (that is, they shared neither friends nor classes) were thirty times less likely to become friends than individuals who were separated by just one intermediary.

12. A 2011 study of Facebook found that, of its 721 million users at the time, the average number of links from one arbitrarily selected person to another was 4.74—less, even, than the “six degrees of separation” made famous in John Guare’s play of that name.

13. But making those links isn’t necessarily easy. In fact, some clusters of society can be devilishly hard to penetrate.

14. A study by the sociologist Mark Granovetter, well over half of a sample of professionals in Newton, Massachusetts, got their jobs through personal connections. And more than 83 percent of the personal connections that led to jobs involved only occasional or rare contact.

15. The second major way people meet vital partners—and enact the loop between personal interest and social connection—is by going to what the sociologist Michael Farrell calls a “magnet place,” or a locus for people with shared interests or yearnings.

16. Schools are obvious magnet places. Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the co-creators of South Park, met in an undergraduate film class at the University of Colorado. The psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, who would go on to create behavioral economics, first connected when Kahneman invited Tversky to talk to his class at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem.

17. Larry Page and Sergey Brin, the cofounders of Google, met on a tour Brin led in the spring of 1995 for students (including Page) who had been admitted to Stanford’s grad school.

18. Magnet places exude a power even for people who come without any concrete ambition.

19. Indeed, a magnet place needn’t even be an institution; it could be an event that lasts only a matter of hours, like the Atlanta church service in the fall of 1950 where two young preachers, Ralph David Abernathy and Martin Luther King Jr., met, the first contact of a partnership that led to the American civil rights movement.

20. According to a 2010 study of thirty-five thousand papers in biomedicine that had at least one author from Harvard, the work of physically close collaborators resulted in many more citations (an indication of the importance of the research) than the work of collaborators who were farther from one another.

21. And the advantages of personal contact include experiences we can’t consciously register. In a shared space, people plug into what the psychologist Daniel Goleman has called “neural WiFi,” “a feedback loop,” he writes in Social Intelligence, “that crosses the skin-and-skull barrier between bodies.”

22. Of course, many pairs don’t have a first-meeting story that we know about—or even that they know about. Most siblings—Orville and Wilbur Wright, William and Dorothy Wordsworth, Joel and Ethan Coen—won’t remember a time they didn’t know each other.

23. The other common feature of early-intimacy pairs like siblings is that, as much as they share a world together from the start, their creative work begins only after a critical separation.

24. The point is that pairs with deeply entwined early lives must also develop disparate experiences, attitudes, or emotional styles. This is the next layer to unpeel in meeting stories. The catalyst is not similarity alone but the joining of profound similarities with profound differences.

25. For primates, familiarities signal safety—and in higher-order brains, this comfort forms the foundation for connection. People report feeling more at ease when there is similarity in factors like income, education, physical appearance, ethnicity, and race.

26. Yet the comfort of similarity is only one ingredient for creative progress. Think about an outstanding dinner party. As guests arrive to the smell of good food and the sight of drinks laid out, there’s instantly a feeling of ease. Some people know one another already—none are farther apart than two degrees.

27. Many have similar interests or backgrounds. The early part of the evening should be weighted toward familiarity, but when the dinner begins, the priority shifts from comfort to stimulation. Disparate experiences are shared; disagreements erupt.

28. We need similarities to give us ballast, and differences to make us move.

29. One study for the National Bureau of Economic Research looked at the two reasons venture capitalists choose partners: for their ability or for their affinity, such as a shared ethnic background or having worked at the same firm. Similarities of ability enhanced performance, but similarities of affinity “dramatically reduces the probability of investment success,” the study found. The problem isn’t the similarity itself. That’s fine as a foundation. The problem is when members of a group look at situations the same way, and fail to appreciate difficulties coming down the pike, loyalty and devotion can outstrip independent thinking.

30. “Bisociation”—“the sudden interlocking of two previously unrelated skills, or matrices, of thought.” This is the stuff of creative breakthroughs, which helps explain why, in the history of innovation, the outsider with critical knowledge and a fresh perspective so often plays a crucial role—why mavericks, for example, and not the pedigreed employees of Western Union or IBM, invented the telephone and the personal computer.

31. The authors of a new paradigm can’t be total strangers to the field or they won’t have the knowledge to do their work, let alone the influence to effect change. But they can’t be vested insiders either, or they’ll be constrained by convention.

32. The best climate for progress is a mix of deference and defiance. Corporate teams do well with a clear mission and a deviant who asks uncomfortable questions.

33. “The two people who have the most creative potential,” the psychologist and management consultant Diana McLain Smith told me, “are the people who are most different. The question is how do they harness that difference in the service of creativity instead of canceling each other out.”

34. Many great pairs do not much like each other at first. When C. S. Lewis initially noticed J.R.R. Tolkien, at an Oxford faculty meeting, he came home and wrote: “No harm in him: only needs a smack or so.”

35. One trope of first meetings is the endless conversation. “Steve and I just sat on the sidewalk in front of Bill [Fernandez]’s house for the longest time, just sharing stories,”

36. According to Carl Jung, when he met Sigmund Freud, they “talked uninterruptedly for thirteen hours.”

37. Both animating conflict and absorbing conversation draw on the same two elements: a shared framework to provide common ground, and sufficient difference to keep things novel and surprising.

38. The movement to true partnership is often slow and meandering.

39. Buffett slowly came around to Munger’s view that bargain hunting (which he had learned as gospel from his mentor Ben Graham) often made less sense than paying a reasonable price for a good company.

40. It’s common to find some sizable gap in time between meeting and pairing. J.R.R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis knew each other for three years before they shared their work.

41. For pairs, the most basic thing is a regular meeting time.

42. Many pairs have what we could fairly call a private language.

43. Private language emerges organically from constant exchange. Intimate pairs talk fluidly and naturally, having let go of what psychologists call “self-monitoring”—the process of watching impulses and protean thoughts, censoring some, allowing others to pass one’s lips.

44. “You just get so high-bandwidth,” Bill Gates said about talking to Steve Ballmer, his longtime deputy at Microsoft (and eventual successor). “Steve and I would just be going from talking to meeting to talking to meeting, and then I’d stay up late at night, and write him five e-mails.

45. Asymmetrical. In some pairs, one partner absorbs the other, as when a clear leader works with a deputy or a disciple takes up with a guru. This asymmetry is often signified by the nature of credit.

46. Distinct. In a second type of bond, each partner maintains a separate public identity. There may indeed be no public marker of their confluence, no unambiguous sign of union. C. S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien didn’t jointly credit any of their published work.

47. Overt. In the third type of bond, partners join together in rough equality to produce work with which both are publicly associated.

48. I’ve noticed that three archetypes recur most often—the star and the director; the liquid and the container; the dreamer and the doer—and each speaks to a significant dialectic in the creative life. 

49. Dialectic is a fancy word, but really it just describes the process by which something singular emerges out of an interaction or duality.

50. The star and the director - Many partnerships have one member in the spotlight and another offstage.

51. “But there’s a saying, ‘When two men ride the same horse, one has to be in the back.’”

52. The relationship between order and disorder has been an object of fascination from the time of the ancient Greeks, who extolled the sharp departure from clarity and coherence followed by the pleasing restoration of same. The gods Dionysus and Apollo framed this dialectic. Two sons of Zeus, they embodied the sensual, spontaneous, and emotional aspects of man (the Dionysian) and the rational, ordered, and self-disciplined aspects (the Apollonian).

53. Modern creativity research hits on the same key relation of making and breaking, challenging and refining—the “essential tension,” noted the psychologist Frank Barron, “between two seemingly opposed dispositional tendencies: the tendency toward structuring and integration and the tendency toward disruption of structure and diffusion of energy and attention.” 

54. Though I considered organizer and disrupter and maker and breaker, I settled on liquid and container as the primary way to describe this archetypal pair. In its natural state, liquid tends to disperse. Liquid-type creatives are drawn to make lateral associations rather than linear progressions. They’re often exciting, excitable characters; boundless. They embody the promise and peril of risk and are simultaneously repelled by and drawn to people who impose constraints, who can offer them shape. Without those constraints, they will spill out onto the sidewalk, evaporate in the sun.

55. Creativity is what happens when the dreamer meets the doer.

56. Many dreamer-type creators have enormous strength of character. They generate ideas, start new projects, inspire others to join them. They may also start things they can’t finish and break promises. Doer-type creators are the inverse. Productive, efficient, and dependable, they excel at finishing, have a realistic sense of what’s possible, and can set priorities and make decisions. Yet doers may struggle to be original, to initiate, to see the long view, and to identify a sense of purpose.

57. In a study of 121 major historic events—paradigm shifts in science, reform movements, and political revolutions—Frank Sulloway found that later-born children were roughly twice as likely as earlier-borns to take the radical position, while earlier-borns were more likely to defend the status quo.

58. In a meta-analysis of 8,340 participants in 24 different studies of athletic participation, later-borns were found to be 1.5 times more likely than firstborns to engage in dangerous sports such as rugby, football, and soccer, whereas firstborns and only children preferred safer sports such as swimming, tennis, and track.”

59. My friend Adam Goodheart, while writing 1861, his celebrated study of the origins of the Civil War, had the good fortune to live near the legendary nonfiction writer Richard Ben Cramer. Adam told me that, more than once, Richard gave him this advice: “Don’t be afraid to be a son of a bitch.” Meaning: Say no, ignore phone calls, hole up and do what you need to do.

60. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, “they tend to report the highest levels of creativity when walking, driving, or swimming; in other words, when involved in a semiautomatic activity that takes up a certain amount of attention, while leaving some of it free to make connections among ideas below the threshold of conscious intentionality.”

61. Certainly, direct face-offs improve performance in all manner of conditions, an effect that has been validated empirically: One study found weightlifters able to bench-press an average of two kilograms (about four and a half pounds) more when competing with another person than when facing a crowd alone. Another found that people could squeeze a handgrip twenty-one seconds longer.

62. Great work emerges from rivalry.

63. Playing with the best brings out your best, and if the other guy is gunning to beat you, that may be bad for your stress level but it’s ideal for your performance.

64. From my research, I’ve come to see three key benefits rivals offer. First, they push us to work harder. This is motivation, as basic a drive in performance as hunger is in physiology. Rivals quicken the blood, animate the spirit. Second, they model what we need to do. This is inspiration, and whether it comes from an example we want to follow, one we want to reject, or one we want to improve on, the impact is much the same. Third, they keep us in the game. This is dedication—perseverance, persistence, tenacity, the power to not just approach a task with zeal but stick with it even when we want to quit.

65. When researchers studied U.S. presidential debates, they found that in every election between 1960 and 2000, the candidate that adjusted to the other’s timbre lost the popular vote.

66. The chief advantage of power clarity is absence of strife. “Although positions within a hierarchy are born from contest,” wrote the primatologist Frans de Waal, “the hierarchical structure itself, once established, eliminates the need for further conflict. Obviously, those lower on the scale would have preferred to be higher, but they settle for the next best thing, which is to be left in peace.

67. So this is the tension: power clarity can negate conflict but stifle creativity. Along with sufficient clarity, pairs need some fluidity. Thus conflict is an organic part of the process. That’s the bad news.

68. The death knell to real collaboration, he said, is “politeness.”

69. According to the research of psychologist James W. Pennebaker at the University of Texas on the word content of correspondence, high indices of conflict are positively associated with an experience of intimacy. Think about the people you can really argue with. They’re often your dearest friends.

70. The marriage researcher John Gottman said couples likely to remain married exchange five positive remarks for every one that’s negative.

71. John Gottman found in a study that peaceful couples early in their relationships reported more marital happiness than couples who bicker. But in follow-ups three years later, the peaceful couples were far more likely to be divorced or headed for divorce, while the bickering couples tended to have worked out their troubles and stuck together.

72. Surprisingly, rigid divisions of power can actually lead to the most fluid exchanges.

73. One of my favorite end-of-relationship studies is by the sociologist Diane Felmlee. She asked people what had initially attracted them to an ex and what repelled them at the end. For about 30 percent of people, both answers were really the same, just cast in a very different light. 

74. One partner was wonderfully “strong-willed” and later obnoxiously “domineering.” A partner with a great “sense of humor” later “played too many jokes.”

75. My therapist gave me the same instruction: “Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your child.”

76. Wagner and Born concluded, “facilitates extraction of explicit knowledge and insightful behavior.” another study, by Deirdre Barrett, a professor at Harvard Medical school, asked seventy-six college students to pick a problem from their lives and focus on it each night before bed. “After one week,” Mcnerney wrote, “Barrett found that about half of the students dreamt about their problem and about a quarter dreamt a solution.”

1. Money by itself is likely to produce self-serving behavior and skin-deep organizational commitment rather than the type of institution-building

2. But pride is more than simply an emotional reward for high achievement; it also motivates us toward such achievement. Because justifiable feelings of pride are so extremely rewarding, the anticipation of those feelings is also very motivating.

3. Like the best mothers, they realize that the anticipation of feeling proud is a more powerful motivator than the anticipation of being punished.

4. As with most people, “making Mom proud of me” was behind my early efforts to perform well. She always made it clear what would make her proud of me—and what would not.

5. I came away with renewed insights about how to instill pride in myself and those I work with:

• Set aspirations that touch the emotions: Impossible dreams are a source of pride even though they remain unachievable.

• Pursue a meaningful purpose: Great organizations whose aspirations are not necessarily “noble” still pursue clear missions that provide a meaningful purpose for their people as well as to their customers and shareholders.

• Cultivate personal relationships of respect: Probably the most lasting benefits to be gained from a lifetime of work in different occupations come from the personal relationships of mutual trust and respect that one develops along the way.

• Become a person of high character: Integrity, common courtesy, emotional commitment, and unassuming pride in group performance are the hallmarks of great human beings—not intellect, charisma, power, or personal gain.

• Look for the humor along the way: As Mary Poppins said, “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

6. Richard Cavanagh, an old friend and current CEO of the prestigious Conference Board, makes a point of not hiring people who lack a sense of humor; so do I.

7. Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs cannot be ignored. There is a baseline of monetary need and “fairness” beneath which motivation and pride will sink. When people are not paid enough to meet their fundamental human-safety and comfort needs, neither pride nor loyalty prevails.

8. Similarly, institution-building pride can motivate people behaviors that are bad for the enterprise.

9. Good results accrue to the enterprise only when the emphasis is on individual and group efforts that fit with organizational priorities and enhance long-term business success. The best leaders and managers will influence people to take pride in achieving personal goals that align with company goals, building skills that match company needs, and creating teams that achieve important business results.

10. SELF-SERVING PRIDE - This kind of pride encompasses both power and materialism, and the latter is primarily a game of “show me the money”—and the more you can earn, accumulate, and visibly deploy, the better. People who play this game well focus their attention on whatever will reward them the most monetarily, and whatever will position them to control the most resources (human and economic).

11. Institution-building pride is based upon largely intangible values and basic human emotions, rather than tangible compensation and crystal-clear logic.

12. It almost goes without saying that the prospect of earning more money motivates higher performance. In fact, most well-intended managers believe that the best way to reward as well as motivate their employees is by dangling more “coin of the realm” in front of them. Yet this conventional wisdom of “pay for performance” is both incomplete and misleading.

13. Moreover, relying on money as the primary source of motivation can get expensive for the company, particularly if it doesn’t really produce commensurate results.

14. People who are emotionally committed to something—be it a person, a group, an enterprise, a cause, or an aspiration—behave in ways that defy logic and often produce results that are well beyond expectations. They pursue impossible dreams, work ridiculous hours, and resolve unsolvable problems.

15. Monetary compensation is simply not a motivational factor within a true performing team because the extra performance the group achieves results from collective or joint efforts that are rarely recognized by monetary rewards.

16. Self-serving pride is unavoidable because it stems from basic human needs. We must have money to buy the food, clothing, and shelter that

17.Nonetheless, when it comes to generating higher levels of performance over the long term, self-serving pride has many shortfalls, including the following:

• Money attracts and retains people better than it motivates them to excel.

• Money works only as long as you can pay more than the competition.

• A monetary focus can obscure the fundamentals because you cannot easily convert short-term earnings into lasting value.

• Self-serving employees can take advantage of monetary incentive plans.

• Money and title differentials work better at the top than at the bottom because the value-added differences are more evident.

• Money and ego motivate individuals better than they do teams or groups. 

• Materialism easily turns into greed and self-serving behaviors.

18.  From an enterprise point of view, money only works as long as some other enterprise does not offer your top performers a higher amount. 

19. And as implied before, whenever the company faces tough times, the positive aspects of monetary incentives turn negative. The best people leave just when you need them the most. And the mediocre performers hang on as long as possible, because they fear they cannot find good-paying jobs elsewhere.

20. In the Corps, however, we expect Marine leaders at all levels to worry only about two things. First and foremost is mission accomplishment: you must accomplish your mission—no matter what—unless the person who gave you that mission changes it. 

21. The second thing we want you to worry about is taking care of your troops—each and every one of them. We expect you to bring them home dead or alive under any and all conditions.

22. The following comments excerpted from the focus groups we conducted reflect the different kinds of pride that motivate Microsoft people:

• The products: “We work on products that everyone is likely to use—and I mean everyone. More than one hundred million people use Office, my product. People will stop me in the middle of a conversation and say, ‘You worked on that [feature]?’ It’s instant respect and a great ego rush.”

• The project teams: Project teams often came up as a source of pride. “People on my former project were so superexcited to be working on this application technology. They didn’t really care where they were in the organization or what title they had—they just wanted to work with this technology. We still get together whenever a customer has a problem that needs to be solved.”

• The people: “I really think that it’s all about the talent. We have the best technical talent in the world, and what’s even better is that anyone here can have access to all of it!

• The impossible dream: One focus group member put it in a much more personal way: “I make products that even my grandmother uses!

23. PRIDE IN HOW YOU WORK The “how” refers to the set of values, standards, work ethics, and commitment you apply to your job.

24. There is a right way to do almost any job, and the best workers take pride in mastering it.

25. While such leaders are in short supply at every level of the company, they do exist. However, it takes much more than lip service to increase the supply and capitalize on its performance potential. You start by encouraging leaders at all levels to pay close attention to, and diligently cultivate, what employees already take pride in.

26. It is important to make heroes and role models out of such people. It is even more important to find ways to transfer their skills and techniques and tools to others.

27. But what motivates upper-level executives and professional leaders is considerably different from what motivates frontline employees and supervisors. This difference is even more pronounced when a company is not doing particularly well.

28. Rich works to reinforce a sense of ownership and pride in his employees by 

(1) communicating constantly to be sure his people understand the broader “why” behind their work, 

(2) tying their day-to-day activities to the larger goals of the unit and the company, and 

(3) showing them how their everyday efforts are progressing toward these larger goals.

29. So whenever someone’s good work receives praise or thanks from a customer, Rich publicizes it among all of his employees. Thus, he gets employees to take pride and ownership in their work along the way as well as when major “pride-inducing” milestones occur.

30. For employees on the front line, however, Brian spends the majority of his efforts on creative recognition and celebration. 

31. Here, Brian is far more a cheerleader than a “numbers guy.” His enthusiasm is as infectious as it is evident as he speaks in detail about the many different programs and the small, mostly nonmonetary incentives that engage frontline employees and make them proud to be part of the Tampa office.

32. He has established numerous trophies, pizza parties, and monthly newsletter features to recognize specific employees for such things as exceptional performance on quality measures, attention to detail, and pride in serving the customer.

33. Some of these originate as managerial, but others are peer-induced. For example, one program encourages employees to send notes of congratulations or “Gotcha’s” to their peers (with a copy to managers), recognizing a job well done or positive feedback from customers. Recognition from peers, of course, is an excellent complement to Brian’s managerial regimen of reinforcement. It enables employees to get actively involved in the celebration, as well as to interpret and better understand the office’s strategic priorities.

34. When Morton was describing some of the leadership teams that I was planning to research, he would often point out that the primary criteria in selecting each member of the group were complementary skills rather than personal characteristics. Others would worry that such groups “wouldn’t get along,” but Morton was confident that their mutual respect for one another’s skills and experience would more than offset any personality differences.

35. In short, money attracts and retains, whereas pride motivates!

36. That pride is instilled and cultivated by a set of processes and metrics that were essentially designed and monitored by the employees themselves.

37. Enterprises such as Hills Pet Nutrition that excel along the P&M path take the process and metrics doctrine one important step further: They insist that the technicians who will be measured against and guided by a particular set of processes and metrics are an active and integral part of designing those elements for the organization. Sounds simple enough, but it is pretty rare to find that principle in practice.

38. His father, a full-blooded Cherokee, taught him about how people listen best to behavior: “Your behavior is so loud I can’t concentrate on what you are saying.”

39. We also found that the best “manager motivators” concentrate their efforts along three fundamental themes: 

(1) always have your compass set on pride (don’t mistake pride in the destination for pride along the journey), 

(2) localize as much as possible (don’t wait for the company or its senior leaders to instill it), and 

(3) integrate multiple sources of pride around a few simple messages (don’t confuse your people with needless complexity).

40. Pride-builders are always in hot pursuit of emotional commitment rather than rational compliance; that is why their compass always points to pride. Four specific techniques are worth mentioning:

• Clarify exactly what matters and why it matters.

• Stimulate people’s memories, both real and vicarious. Since people can seldom feel the pride of completion at the beginning of a difficult journey, it is critical for them to remember what it will feel like. Recalling their own experience along earlier successful journeys,

• Celebrate the “steps” as much as the “landings.”

41. Peter Senge once reminded me that if you have ever been a member of a true high-performance team, you will probably spend the rest of your life searching for another one. And most of us can vicariously recall team feelings of pride when we watch a movie like The Dirty Dozen. Pride-builders use both real and vicarious techniques of recall to great advantage.

42. Localize as Much as Possible Despite the impressive leadership systems in the peak-performance organizations, we have discovered that the best efforts are localized.

43. These local sources of pride provide the kind of flexibility to adapt that is so critical over time.

44. Draw primarily on local analogies and role models. If you have ever watched the Special Olympics on television (or been fortunate enough to attend in person),

45. Tap into family, community, and union events. Pride-builders invariably go outside the workplace to find sources of pride that will be relevant to the workplace.

46. Trigger the “anticipation” of feeling proud locally.

47. When you are trying to instill pride in future performance, it is much easier to get your people to anticipate those motivation feelings by drawing upon stories and heroes that are local and well-known to your people. Triggering feelings of pride that must anticipate future performance is easier to do when the trigger mechanisms are familiar and credible.

48. Develop and repeat your most compelling stories. People seldom tire of good stories that stir up feelings of pride.

49. Perhaps the worst pitfall is the one to conclude on: complexity. Don’t overload the system! Because institution-building pride comes from many sources and utilizes many mechanisms, it is all too easy to try to do it all at once.

1. Thinking in bets starts with recognizing that there are exactly two things that determine how our lives turn out: the quality of our decisions and luck. Learning to recognize the difference between the two is what thinking in bets is all about.

2. Pete Carroll was a victim of our tendency to equate the quality of a decision with the quality of its outcome. Poker players have a word for this: “resulting.” When I started playing poker, more experienced players warned me about the dangers of resulting, cautioning me to resist the temptation to change my strategy just because a few hands didn’t turn out well in the short run.

3. Hindsight bias is the tendency, after an outcome is known, to see the outcome as having been inevitable.

4. “Our thinking can be divided into two streams, one that is fast, automatic, and largely unconscious, and another that is slow, deliberate, and judicious.”

5. The first system, “the reflexive system, seems to do its thing rapidly and automatically, with or without our conscious awareness.” The second system, “the deliberative system . . . deliberates, it considers, it chews over the facts.”

6. The differences between the systems are more than just labels. Automatic processing originates in the evolutionarily older parts of the brain, including the cerebellum, cerebellum, basal ganglia, and amygdala. Our deliberative mind operates out of the prefrontal cortex.

7. The prefrontal cortex doesn’t control most of the decisions we make every day. We can’t fundamentally get more out of that unique, thin layer of prefrontal cortex. “It’s already overtaxed,”

8. Our goal is to get our reflexive minds to execute on our deliberative minds’ best intentions.

9. The quality of our lives is the sum of decision quality plus luck. In chess, luck is limited in its influence, so it’s easier to read the results as a signal of decision quality. That more tightly tethers chess players to rationality.

10. That’s chess, but life doesn’t look like that. It looks more like poker, where all that uncertainty gives us the room to deceive ourselves and misinterpret the data.

11. But getting comfortable with “I’m not sure” is a vital step to being a better decision-maker. We have to make peace with not knowing.

12. What makes a decision great is not that it has a great outcome. A great decision is the result of a good process, and that process must include an attempt to accurately represent our own state of knowledge. That state of knowledge, in turn, is some variation of “I’m not sure.”

13. If we misrepresent the world at the extremes of right and wrong, with no shades of grey in between, our ability to make good choices—choices about how we are supposed to be allocating our resources, what kind of decisions we are supposed to be making, and what kind of actions we are supposed to be taking—will suffer.

14. Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky’s work on loss aversion, part of prospect theory (which won Kahneman the Nobel Prize in Economics in 2002), that losses in general feel about two times as bad as wins feel good.

15. No matter how far we get from the familiarity of betting at a poker table or in a casino, our decisions are always bets.

16. In most of our decisions, we are not betting against another person. Rather, we are betting against all the future versions of ourselves that we are not choosing.

17. In fact, believing is so easy, and perhaps so inevitable, that it may be more like involuntary comprehension than it is like rational assessment.”

18. Two years later, Gilbert and colleagues demonstrated through a series of experiments that our default is to believe that what we hear and read is true. Even when that information is clearly presented as being false, we are still likely to process it as true.

19. We form beliefs without vetting most of them, and maintain them even after receiving clear, corrective information.

20. Truthseeking, the desire to know the truth regardless of whether the truth aligns with the beliefs we currently hold, is not naturally supported by the way we process information. We might think of ourselves as open-minded and capable of updating our beliefs based on new information, but the research conclusively shows otherwise. Instead of altering our beliefs to fit new information, we do the opposite, altering our interpretation of that information to fit our beliefs.

21. Flaws in forming and updating beliefs have the potential to snowball. Once a belief is lodged, it becomes difficult to dislodge.

22. This irrational, circular information-processing pattern is called motivated reasoning. The way we process new information is driven by the beliefs we hold, strengthening them. Those strengthened beliefs then drive how we process further information, and so on.

23. “Wanna bet?” triggers us to engage in that third step that we only sometimes get to. Being asked if we are willing to bet money on it makes it much more likely that we will examine our information in a less biased way, be more honest with ourselves about how sure we are of our beliefs, and be more open to updating and calibrating our beliefs.

24. The more we recognize that we are betting on our beliefs (with our happiness, attention, health, money, time, or some other limited resource), the more we are likely to temper our statements, getting closer to the truth as we acknowledge the risk inherent in what we believe.

25. Admitting we are not sure is an invitation for help in refining our beliefs, and that will make our beliefs much more accurate over time as we are more likely to gather relevant information.

26. By communicating our own uncertainty when sharing beliefs with others, we are inviting the people in our lives to act like scientists with us. This advances our beliefs at a faster clip because we miss out on fewer opportunities to get new information, information that would help us to calibrate the beliefs we have.

27. How we figure out what—if anything—we should learn from an outcome becomes another bet. As outcomes come our way, figuring out whether those outcomes were caused mainly by luck or whether they were the predictable result of particular decisions we made is a bet of great consequence.

28. We have the opportunity to learn from the way the future unfolds to improve our beliefs and decisions going forward. The more evidence we get from experience, the less uncertainty uncertainty we have about our beliefs and choices. Actively using outcomes to examine our beliefs and bets closes the feedback loop, reducing uncertainty. This is the heavy lifting of how we learn.

29. If making the same decision again would predictably result in the same outcome, or if changing the decision would predictably result in a different outcome, then the outcome following that decision was due to skill.

30. If, however, an outcome occurs because of things that we can’t control (like the actions of others, the weather, or our genes), the result would be due to luck.

31. Stanford law professor and social psychologist Robert MacCoun studied accounts of auto accidents and found that in 75% of accounts, the victims blamed someone else for their injuries. In multiple-vehicle accidents, 91% of drivers blamed someone else. Most remarkably, MacCoun found that in single-vehicle accidents, 37% of drivers still found a way to pin the blame on someone else.

32. Blaming the bulk of our bad outcomes on luck means we miss opportunities to examine our decisions to see where we can do better. 

33. Taking credit for the good stuff means we will often reinforce decisions that shouldn’t be reinforced and miss opportunities to see where we could have done better.

34. Human tendency: we take credit for good things and deflect blame for bad things.

35. Black-and-white thinking, uncolored by the reality of uncertainty, is a driver of both motivated reasoning and self-serving bias. If our only options are being 100% right or 100% wrong, with nothing in between, then information that potentially contradicts a belief requires a total downgrade, from right all the way to wrong.

36. Watching is an established learning method. There is an entire industry devoted to collecting other people’s outcomes.

37. When any of us makes decisions in life away from the poker table, we always have something at risk: money, time, health, happiness, etc. When it’s someone else’s decision, we don’t have to pay to learn. They do.

38. When it comes to watching the bad outcomes of other people, we load the blame on them, quickly and heavily. We see this pattern of blaming others for bad outcomes and failing to give them credit for good ones all over the place.

39. When we treat outcome fielding as a bet, it pushes us to field outcomes more objectively into the appropriate buckets because that is how bets are won. Winning feels good. Winning is a positive update to our personal narrative. Winning is a reward. With enough practice, reinforced by the reward of feeling good about ourselves, thinking of fielding outcomes as bets will become a habit of mind.

40. Once we start actively training ourselves in testing alternative hypotheses and perspective taking, it becomes clear that outcomes are rarely 100% luck or 100% skill.

41. If the ship’s navigator introduces a one-degree navigation error, it would start off as barely noticeable. Unchecked, however, the ship would veer farther and farther off course and would miss London by miles, as that one-degree miscalculation compounds mile over mile. Thinking in bets corrects your course. And even a small correction will get you more safely to your destination.

42. Recruiting help is key to creating faster and more robust change, strengthening and training our new truthseeking routines.

43. In fact, as long as there are three people in the group (two to disagree and one to referee*), the truthseeking group can be stable and productive.

44. In combination, the advice of these experts in group interaction adds up to a pretty good blueprint for a truthseeking charter: 

• A focus on accuracy (over confirmation), which includes rewarding truthseeking, objectivity, and open-mindedness within the group; 

• Accountability, for which members have advance notice; and 

• Openness to a diversity of ideas.

45. Win bets by relentlessly striving to calibrate our beliefs and predictions about the future to more accurately represent the world. In the long run, the more objective person will win against the more biased person. In that way, betting is a form of accountability to accuracy.

46. A productive decision group can harness this desire by rewarding accuracy and intellectual honesty with social approval.

47. It is one thing to commit to rewarding ourselves for thinking in bets, but it is a lot easier if we get others to do the work of rewarding us.

48. I experienced firsthand the power of a group’s approval to reshape individual thinking habits. I got my fix by trying to be the best credit-giver, the best mistake-admitter, and the best finder-of-mistakes-in-good-outcomes.

49. “The only way in which a human being can make some approach to knowing the whole of a subject, is by hearing what can be said about it by persons of every variety of opinion, and studying all modes in which it can be looked at by every character of mind. No wise man ever acquired his wisdom in any mode but this; nor is it in the nature of human intellect to become wise in any other manner.”

50. We should guard against gravitating toward clones of ourselves. We should also recognize that it’s really hard: the norm is toward homogeneity; we’re all guilty of it; and we don’t even notice that we’re doing it.

51. In other words, the opinions of group members aren’t much help if it is a group of clones.

52. When presenting a decision for discussion, we should be mindful of details we might be omitting and be extra-safe by adding anything that could possibly be relevant. On the evaluation side, we must query each other to extract those details when necessary.

53. Just as we can recruit other people to be our decision buddies, we can recruit other versions of ourselves to act as our own decision buddies.

54. When we make in-the-moment decisions (and don’t ponder the past or future), we are more likely to be irrational and impulsive. This tendency we all have to favor our present-self at the expense of our future-self is called temporal discounting.

55. We are built for temporal discounting, for using the resources that are available to us now as opposed to saving them for a future version of us that we aren’t particularly in touch with in the moment of the decision.

56. We’re not perfectly rational when we ponder the past or the future and engage deliberative mind, but we are more likely to make choices consistent with our long-term goals when we can get out of the moment and engage our past- and future-selves.

57. Reconnaissance has been part of advance military planning for as long as horses have been used in battle.

58. To start, we imagine the range of potential futures. This is also known as scenario planning.

59. The idea is to consider a broad range of possibilities for how the future might unfold to help guide long-term planning and preparation.”

60. After identifying as many of the possible outcomes as we can, we want to make our best guess at the probability of each of those futures occurring.

61. By at least trying to assign probabilities, we will naturally move away from the default of 0% or 100%, away from being sure it will turn out one way and not another. Anything that moves us off those extremes is going to be a more reasonable assessment than not trying at all.

62. When it comes to advance thinking, standing at the end and looking backward is much more effective than looking forward from the beginning.

63. The most common form of working backward from our goal to map out the future is known as backcasting.

64. Backcasting makes it possible to identify when there are low-probability events that must occur to reach the goal. That could lead to developing strategies to increase the chances those events occur or to recognizing the goal is too ambitious.

65. Working backward helps even more when we give ourselves the freedom to imagine an unfavorable future.

66. A premortem is an investigation into something awful, but before it happens

67. Backcasting and premortems complement each other. Backcasting imagines a positive future; a premortem imagines a negative

68. Despite the popular wisdom that we achieve success through positive visualization, it turns out that incorporating negative visualization makes us more likely to achieve our goals.

69. We start a premortem by imagining why we failed to reach our goal: our company hasn’t increased its market share; we didn’t lose weight; the jury verdict came back for the other side; we didn’t hit our sales target.

1. When success is the only acceptable outcome, Little Bets advocates a bold and radical approach in which failure is good,

2. I had worked before then as a venture capital investor, and in that work, I had learned that most successful entrepreneurs don’t begin with brilliant ideas—they discover them.

3. These creators use experimental, iterative, trial-and-error approaches to gradually build up to breakthroughs. Experimental innovators must be persistent and willing to accept failure and setbacks as they work toward their goals.

4. Little Bets is based on the proposition that we can use a lot of little bets and certain creative methods to identify possibilities and build up to great outcomes. At the core of this experimental approach, little bets are concrete actions taken to discover, test, and develop ideas that are achievable and affordable.

5. They begin as creative possibilities that get iterated and refined over time, and they are particularly valuable when trying to navigate amid uncertainty, create something new, or attend to open-ended problems.

6. When we can’t know what’s going to happen, little bets help us learn about the factors that can’t be understood beforehand. The important thing to remember is that while prodigies are exceptionally rare, anyone can use little bets to unlock creative ideas.

7. Fundamental to the little bets approach is that we: 

• Experiment: Learn by doing. Fail quickly to learn fast. Develop experiments and prototypes to gather insights, identify problems, and build up to creative ideas, like Beethoven did in order to discover new musical styles and forms. 

• Play: A playful, improvisational, and humorous atmosphere quiets our inhibitions when ideas are incubating or newly hatched, and prevents creative ideas from being snuffed out or prematurely judged. 

• Immerse: Take time to get out into the world to gather fresh ideas and insights, in order to understand deeper human motivations and desires, and absorb how things work from the ground up. 

• Define: Use insights gathered throughout the process to define specific problems and needs before solving them, just as the Google founders did when they realized that their library search algorithm could address a much larger problem. 

• Reorient: Be flexible in pursuit of larger goals and aspirations, making making good use of small wins to make necessary pivots and chart the course to completion. 

• Iterate: Repeat, refine, and test frequently armed with better insights, information, and assumptions as time goes on, as Chris Rock does to perfect his act.

8. Two fundamental advantages of the little bets approach are highlighted in the research of Professor Saras Sarasvathy: that it enables us to focus on what we can afford to lose rather than make assumptions about how much we can expect to gain, and that it facilitates the development of means as we progress with an idea.

9. Seasoned entrepreneurs, she emphasizes, will tend to determine in advance what they are willing to lose, rather than calculating expected gains.

10. Of course the subject of affordable losses highlights a key issue with the little bets approach—it inevitably involves failure.

11. In almost any attempt to create, failure, and often a good deal of it, is to be expected.

12. Hewlett’s approach to identifying new opportunities using small bets did not come without numerous failures. In 1971, HP featured over 1,600 products in its catalog, none of which averaged sales of more than ten units per day, according to Chuck House. In fact, Hewlett estimated that roughly only six out of every 100 new HP products would become breakout successes.

13. By advocating the little bets approach, I am in no way arguing against bold ambition. Ambitious (dare I employ the overused word audacious) goals are essential.

14. A big vision provides the direction and inspiration through which to channel aspirations and ideas. But one of the most important lessons of the study of experimental innovators is that they are not rigid in pursuit of that vision, and that they persevere through failures, often many of them.

15. Central to Pixar’s success in fostering this growth mind-set through the ranks is the company’s attitude about failure. Pixar’s managers see a host of failures, false starts, and problems as the modus operandi for developing their films. In fact, when Ed Catmull sums up Pixar’s creative process, he describes it as going from suck to nonsuck.

16. Pixar film ideas begin on rough storyboards that suck until they work through thousands of problems throughout the process in order to take films from suck to nonsuck.

17. Of course, just failing is not the key; the key is to be systematically learning from failures.

18. One of the methods that can be most helpful in achieving this balance, in order to embrace the learning potential of failure, is prototyping. What the creation of low cost, rough prototypes makes possible is failing quickly in order to learn fast.

19. Failing quickly to learn fast is also a central operating principle for seasoned entrepreneurs who routinely describe their approach as failing forward. That is, entrepreneurs push ideas into the market as quickly as possible in order to learn from mistakes and failures that will point the way forward.

20. Novelist Anne Lamott believes that every good writer writes what she calls shitty first drafts.

21. The only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really shitty first drafts,” Lamott writes in Bird by Bird. Just get it down on paper, she recommends. Write like a child, whatever comes to your mind. “All good writers write them. This is how they end up with good second drafts and terrific third drafts.”

22. Ed Catmull’s belief that it’s better to fix problems than prevent errors.

23. The level of feedback you get is so much more valuable and impactful…. The problem with showing something to consumers when it’s almost totally done, people don’t necessarily want to give negative feedback at that point because it looks like, “This company has spent a lot of money already getting it to this stage and now I’m going to tell them, ‘It sucks.’” On the other hand, if something hangs together with tape, and it’s clear that it’s an early prototype, the mindset of consumers often is, “These people still need some help, so let me tell you what I really think about it.”

24. Analogous to Limb’s findings, Ansari and Berkowitz found that during improvisation, the right-temporoparietal junctions of the pianists’ brains were deactivated. Neuroscientists associate this area of the brain with the ability to make judgments, particularly about differences differences between self and others. The experienced pianists seemed to be able to turn off a judging part of their mind, freeing them up to create novel melodies. According to Berkowitz, brain scans of nonartists do not exhibit a similar pattern, which suggests that experiencing creative processes could help to build certain creative muscles.

25. There are several major improvisation principles. One is that you should “accept every offer.”

26. So, for example, if two people were performing an improvised skit, Bob might say to Sherry, “I was thinking we could watch Silence of the Lambs tonight.” To which Sherry would accept that offer by saying something like, “Yes, and we can still have time to watch the Late Show afterward.” To which Bob might reply, “Yes, and then we can check email!” It’s a simplified and somewhat silly example, but the point of accepting every offer is that nothing is too silly.

27. After all, if Sherry had spurned Bob’s initial offer by replying, “That’s a stupid movie,” Bob would start thinking and censoring himself, shutting down the possibilities that might come. The effect is deadening.

28. That Bob and Sherry lift one another up relates to another foundation of improvisation: Make your partner look good. Because Bob and Sherry aren’t criticizing one another, it creates a positive atmosphere to generate possibilities. Positive energy drives improvisation, and reduces inhibitions and doubts. By making each other look good, it’s easier for Bob and Sherry to get in a zone.

29. Throughout the Pixar creative process, they rely heavily on what they call plussing; it is likely the most-used concept around the company. The point of plussing is to build upon and improve ideas without using judgmental language. Creating an atmosphere where ideas are constantly being plussed, while maintaining a sense of humor and playfulness, is a central element of Pixar’s magic.

30. Rather than criticize an idea in its entirety (even if they don’t think it’s good), people accept the starting point before suggesting improvements.

31. Instead of criticizing the sketch or saying “no,” the director will build on the starting point by saying something like, “I like Woody’s eyes, and what if we …” Again, notice the use of the word and rather than a word that implies a judgment, such as but.

32. A host of studies indicates that humor creates positive group effects. Many focus on how humor can increase cohesiveness and act as a lubricant to facilitate more efficient communications.

33. One reason for that is that humor has also been demonstrated to increase trust. In order to produce positive mental effects, however, researchers Eric Romero and Anthony Pescosolido found that humor first must be considered funny to the people involved, not seen as demeaning, derogatory, or put-downs.

34. Romero and Pescosolido argued, based on a broad assessment of humor research, should affirm group identities in terms of: who we are, what we are doing, and how we do things.

35. Research evidence suggests a strong link between inquisitiveness and creative productivity.

36. Innovators routinely networked with people who came from different backgrounds.

37. Learning a little bit from a lot of people was one of the main ways Tim identified so many unique ideas and insights.

38. Wiseman’s research is that lucky people pay more attention attention to what’s going on around them than unlucky people.

39. For example, Wiseman found that the lucky people had three times greater open body language in social situations than unlucky people. Lucky people also smiled twice as much as unlucky people, thus drawing other people and chance encounters to them.

40. von Hippel found that one group, which he called active users or lead users, were responsible for developing over 75 percent of the innovations.

41. These people not only serve as cutting-edge taste makers, they actively tinker to push and create new ideas on their own.

42. Since the needs of these active users precede and, according to the research, often anticipate, what the masses will like, they become incredibly valuable as idea development partners.

43. The ideas they help generate can then be tested with broader audiences and commercialized. The same is true for good comedy.

44. For example, singer and songwriter John Legend does so as he develops a new song. The first part of Legend’s songwriting process is to develop a good back-beat working closely with music producers like Kanye West, will.i.am, or Raphael Saadiq. Once he’s found a beat he likes, Legend will then develop melodies on top of it, often working at a piano, and finally write the lyrics. Kanye West, in particular, is a classic innovator and active user, constantly consuming and tinkering with music. Legend and others consider West to be a creative genius in many respects, with a well-tuned ear for what broader audiences will like. His early involvement in a song routinely drives later success. So, Legend will bounce ideas around with West at all stages of the process, especially at the beginning. It’s strategic trial and error.

45. A small win is “a concrete, complete, implemented outcome of moderate importance.” They are small successes that emerge out of our ongoing development process, and it’s important to be watching closely for them.

46. Small wins are like footholds or building blocks amid the inevitable uncertainty of moving forward.

47. They serve as what Saras Sarasvathy calls landmarks, and they can either confirm that we’re heading in the right direction or they can act as pivot points, telling us how to change course.

48. It is helpful for alcoholics to focus on remaining sober one day at a time, or even one hour at a time. Stringing together successive days of sobriety helps them to see the rewards of abstinence and makes it more achievable.

49. “Once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion that favor another small win.”

50. Another benefit of small wins is less immediately obvious: They enable the development of the means to attain goals. Recall from Saras Saravathy’s research how important the development of means is to seasoned entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurs use their available means, such as their expertise, networks, or financial resources, to develop their ideas and access additional resources and means. One way that Ed Catmull (and later Steve Jobs) developed Pixar’s means was by steadily bringing in new talent with complementary skills.

51. Additional resources also flow toward winners.

52. One last, yet important, point about small wins is that often, rather than validating a direction we’ve been pursuing, they will provide a signal to proceed in a different way.

53. It is much easier to decide to make a change of approach when we are doing so not because things aren’t working but because something has started to work.

1. To describe the Mastermind concept, let me give you a quick analogy. Let’s say that you have an apple and I have an apple. If we trade apples, you still only have one apple and I still only have one apple. But, let’s say that you and I both have an idea. If we exchange ideas, then you have two ideas and I have two ideas. That is, you have your original idea plus my idea, and I will have your idea plus my original idea.

2. Hill stumbled upon this particular principle while researching the life of Henry Ford. He found that Ford met formally with a group of men who did not work at Ford Motor Company at least once per month with the intent of sharing ideas, solving problems, and identifying opportunities.

3. In this eclectic group, Ford found solace, like minds, and inspiration. When asked about the secret of his success, he said on several occasions that his monthly group meetings with these four men were pivotal in helping him reach the heights to which he arose.

4. Why You Should Join or Start a Mastermind Group:

• The Ability to Work “on” Your Business Instead of Just “in” Your Business

• Camaraderie and Understanding - I have long said entrepreneurs are some of the loneliest people on the planet.

• Unique Perspectives

• Motivation - When you surround yourself with business people who are excited, passionate, and energetic about the challenges they’re presented with, you can’t help but feel the same way.

• Accumulated Experience - No two people will ever see the same events the same way.

• Ability to Serve - I know it sounds cliché and it probably is, but it is still true: the more you give, the more you receive.

• Accountability

5. It is much easier to recruit potential members when limiting group membership to only one company per industry. Think about your own industry. If you were in a group with one or two of your biggest competitors, would you be as open when it comes to sharing ideas and strategies? Probably not. So, do your best to find members from different industries.

6. Commitment - For the group to be as effective as possible, individual members must be committed to it. If attendance is sporadic or inconsistent, there will be subpar results. Besides that, it’s not really fair to other members if one or two don’t attend regularly. The whole point is to have a collaboration of ideas. When people aren’t there, collaboration suffers.

7. Membership Dues One of the most effective ways to ensure group commitment is to charge membership dues. These can range from $25 up to $1,000 or more a month. There will be some costs involved in running a group such as food, beverages, handouts, printing costs, room rental, and marketing materials. Apart from having the funds to pay for these items, there is also a psychological reason for charging dues.

8. If someone is paying to be a part of your group, he or she is much more likely to stick with it and take it seriously. I currently charge $297 per month for members to join our Mastermind Group, and members rarely miss a meeting.

9. Charge whatever you want, but make sure it is enough to keep them committed.

10. Similar Situations - Although you should only have one person per industry in your group, you should also make sure that everyone is relatively similar in where they are in their business’s growth stage.

11. You don’t want a member who has a fifty-million-dollar, twenty-year-old company partnered with a company that has been in business for three years and is barely making five hundred thousand dollars annually.

12. Optimism and a Positive Attitude - It’s okay to plan for worst-case scenarios and create alternative plans, should your Plan A not work out, but there is no room for the eternal pessimist. Find members who have a generally positive outlook on life and business.

13. The pessimists of the world are fairly easy to spot, and you need to be on the lookout for them within your group. This is the guy (or gal) who complains about every little detail, from the venue to the food to the topics being presented.

14. Remember, one of the main benefits of the Mastermind Group is to be inspired and motivated by smart, sophisticated, passionate business owners. One bad apple can spoil the bunch, and nothing will make your group disintegrate faster than negativity.

15. If you encounter a pessimist in your group, you will need to take quick action to rectify the situation. I recommend first having a frank discussion with that person. If things do not improve, you may have to ask them to leave the group.

16. Absolute Discretion It is critically important that you instill a grave sense of discretion among your Mastermind members. This goes beyond the whole “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” concept. Your members (and you) are going to be sharing intimately personal details about themselves, their employees, their competitors, their business practices, and their trade secrets. It is absolutely imperative that the group members treat this with the utmost respect and care. Trust is mandatory.

17. My Mastermind members are required to sign nondisclosure agreements that have stiff violation penalties. Fortunately, I have never had to use any of the penalties against anyone, but the simple fact that I take it so seriously with my members goes a long way in fostering a culture of openness and trust. I strongly suggest you do something similar.

18. Finally, traditional Mastermind Groups consist of no more than six people, each from different industries.

19. Concentrate on keeping your group to a total of around four to six members, including you. Keep in mind that you can set up as many of these groups as you want, depending on the kind of time commitment you can make. My colleagues in other areas of the country are running anywhere from five to eight Mastermind meetings at once.

20. If you ask people to shell out $300 to $1,000 a month to attend your Mastermind Group, then you need to make it a GREAT event. Catered food is virtually mandatory.

21. The way you sell this thing to people is by making it an elite, exclusive club into which they are being invited. It’s not something just anyone can join. There is a screening process and possibly a waiting list. Reality is perception. Every little component—every little component—has to be congruent with this positioning, including the food. Maybe even especially the food.

22. There’s a time and a place for casual dining, but your Mastermind Group meeting is not one of those times or places.

23. Along with the food, make sure you provide plenty of drinks. I usually buy a few types of soda, juices, teas, and then also have plenty of bottled water on hand.

24. However, our traditional Mastermind Groups are held in a large conference room at a local credit union.

25. Venue layout is important to the overall flow of your meetings. For a smaller group (four to six members), a round-table-type layout tends to work well. You don’t want members sitting in rows where some sit behind others. For high group interaction, a layout like that is highly inconvenient. Members should sit in a circle or half circle where everyone is facing inward, towards everyone else, making group discussion much easier.

26. Any large room free from distractions will work. If in a large conference room, make sure you can close the doors to limit the amount of noise and distractions.

27. Other options for meeting rooms are hotel conference rooms, universities, public libraries, corporate offices, or executive suites. (Executive suites often provide a large conference room to its tenants, and these can sometimes be rented for less than one hundred dollars.) Look into various options, and you should be able to find an acceptable venue without too much trouble.

28. Depending on how many people are in the group, I will go over a marketing topic for the first thirty to forty-five minutes of the meeting. We then take a quick restroom break and start with the first group member. That group member then has about forty-five minutes to talk about three or four challenges they are having in their business. The whole group participates in making suggestions, giving ideas, or fleshing out concepts related to the particular challenges under discussion.

29. Someone, usually my assistant, will take notes of the interaction and create checklists, to-do lists, and action items for that member to complete during the next month. This gives that member something tangible to take home and implement in business during the next thirty days. These meetings are not just about theory or ideas. They are about action.

30. After the first member is finished, we move on to the second person and the cycle repeats itself.

31. A lot of the real growth in the group comes from hearing about a successful strategy in one business or industry and then applying it to another business or industry, with only minor modifications. In this way, we all get to have a chance at shortcutting the learning curve, and more importantly, we get to implement something in our own businesses that has already been proven in another business.

32. At the end of each meeting, I will usually take five to ten minutes to leave the group with a motivational or inspirational thought. This ends the meeting on a positive note and gets everyone excited to get back to work and start implementing their ideas through the next month until we meet again.

33. Every new member receives a copy of a welcome letter (a letter welcoming him or her to the group and providing the necessary contact information to get in touch with me), a copy of the nondisclosure agreement (which must be signed and turned in before the meeting starts), and a copy of the ground rules (which I will cover here).

34. Ground Rules for the Meeting:

• Attend Every Meeting - I am pretty firm about this one. If you can’t make a meeting, then you need to have a very good excuse. It’s just not fair to the rest of the group (or to you) to miss a meeting. I have actually instituted a “Two Strikes, You’re Out” policy, where if you miss two meetings during a calendar year, then you are gone.
• Stay for the Whole Meeting - The group is only as strong as the members’ willingness to give to one another.
• Silence/Turn Off Cell Phones - This is the one place where you give yourself permission not to be at the mercy of the daily distractions that plague you. The group needs everyone’s full attention, so turning off cell phones is a must.
• Actively Participate - If members just sit there without offering anything to the group, I will usually try to gently draw them into the discussion with a friendly, “Well we’ve heard from everyone so far except for you, Jack. What do you think about this problem?”
• Constructive Criticism Only/Be Positive
• Don’t Interrupt One Another
• Keep Your Comments Concise. Don’t Be a Time Hog.

35. A basic meeting agenda will look like this: 

• 9:00 a.m.–9:45 a.m. Presentation to Group 

• 9:45 a.m.–9:50 a.m. Break 

• 9:50 a.m.–10:30 a.m. Member 1 Speaks 

• 10:30 a.m.–11:10 a.m. Member 2 Speaks 

• 11:10 a.m.–11:15 a.m. Break 

• 11:15 a.m.–11:55 a.m. Member 3 Speaks 

• 11:55 a.m.–12:05 p.m. Lunch 

• 12:05 p.m.–12:45 p.m. Member 4 Speaks 

• 12:45 p.m.–1:00 p.m. Wrap Up/Q&A/Etc. 

36. This agenda assumes you have at least four members in your group. The times will have to be adjusted if there are more or fewer members.

37. Talk About During Their Allotted Time? The short answer is “whatever they want.”

38. In the event they need a little guidance to get started, ask them to come prepared with three challenges or opportunities they are facing right now.

39. Marketing generally isn’t sequential, but here is a basic process you can follow: identify, find, attract, and convert.

40. The biggest thing you want to look for are business owners who read a lot of self-help books, business books, and any other nonfiction works designed to help them improve their lives or business.

41. The second character trait you want to look for in a business owner is aggressive marketing. These entrepreneurs are the ones actively and aggressively trying to grow their business and aren’t afraid of spending money to do it.

42. Finally, you want to find those business owners who are somewhat established. Entrepreneurs involved with very young companies or startups are pinching every penny and may balk at spending money to join your group, even if it will benefit them.

43. Referrals: This is the best place to begin your efforts. Keep in mind that like attracts like. In other words, we tend to associate with and attract those who are similar to us. Even if you only have a few Mastermind members right now, you’ll want to start by getting them to refer their friends and colleagues to you.

44. Chances are, they are friends with and can positively influence potential members who would be a great fit for your group.

45. Members will come and members will go, so you will always need to keep your pipeline full of potential prospects.

46. Keep this in mind when recruiting members for your Mastermind Group. You want those individuals who have a great work ethic and will be master implementers. Their natural enthusiasm for work will spread to the other group members and everyone in turn will benefit.

2. If you plan a menu of limited courses, everything can be set out buffet style. That way you'll be able to enjoy the meal along with your guests, instead of running back and forth to serve.

3. Remember to keep non-alcoholic drinks- juices, soda, etc.-on hand for guests who don't drink alcohol.

4. An easy and pleasurable way to entertain is to invite friends to your home for a relaxing Sunday brunch.

5. Invite your friends to a make-a-pizza party and see how creative you all can be.

6. Don't try out a new recipe on guests. Prepare it first for family members or close friends.

7. Make your buffet convenient for you and your guests by wrapping place settings of silverware in napkins and placing them in a basket.

8. Ice will last longer for a party if you first freeze an inch of water in the bottom of the ice bucket.

9. Your guests will always remember your parties if you send them picture postcards of themselves. As each person enters the party, snap a photo. But only send flattering photographs.

10. For a festive holiday get-together, have a Christmas cookie exchange. Invite neighbors and friends and ask them to bring some of the favorite cookies.

11. Holiday shopping won't seem a hassle if you can schedule your shopping excursions at off hours: right after the stores open, in mid-afternoon (2:30-4:30 P.M.), or late enough in the evening to avoid the after-work crowd. Try to avoid the crowds on weekends and lunch hours.

12. You'll always have little gifts on hand if you remember to buy doubles of things you need yourself. Such items as jellies and preserves, correspondence notes, and toiletries make suitable gifts. You can also take advantage of sale items and specials that look like suitable standby gifts.

13. Make a loaf of bread and wrap it up along with a jar of homemade preserves as a delicious and practical gift.

1. Results, not effort, is the name of the game. You are rewarded in life by the results you produce, not the effort and time you put in.

2. It can be easy to focus on How, especially for high achievers who want to control what they can control, which is themselves. It takes vulnerability and trust to expand your efforts and build a winning team. It takes wisdom to recognize that 1) other people are more than capable enough to handle much of the Hows, and 2) that your efforts and contribution (your “Hows”) should be focused exclusively where your greatest passion and impact are. Your attention and energy should not be spread thin, but purposefully directed where you can experience extreme flow and creativity.

3. If you’re ready to realize a much bigger and more powerful future, then you must stop asking yourself, “How can I accomplish this?” That question, although common, leads to mediocre results, frustration, and a life of regrets. A much better question is: “Who can help me achieve this?”

4. That’s what real leadership is: Creating and clarifying the vision (the “what”), and giving that vision greater context and importance (the “why”) for all Whos involved. Once the “what” and “why” have clearly been established, the specified “Who” or “Whos” have all they need to go about executing the “How.” All the leader needs to do at that point is support and encourage the Who(s) through the process.

5. You don’t get preferential treatment with Hows, but with Whos who know what they’re doing.

6. It is critically important to understand that Who Not How goes both ways. Yes, Tucker, Reid, and I are Dan’s Whos on this book. But Dan is also a Who to each of us.

7. Ultimately, Who Not How is about teaching you how to focus on what you can do, and then finding other Whos to do what they can do.

8. In every “Who” relationship, you will have Whos, and you will also be a Who. No Who is viewed as better or more important than the other. All Whos are essential to getting the project done. There is love and respect among Whos. Each member of the team views the other as a collaborator on a shared mission, and each member wants to be a hero to the others.

9. Not only must the Who fully own the How, but they must have complete permission to do so.

10. If you’re going to apply higher levels of teamwork in your life, you’ll need to relinquish control over how things get done.

11. A core aspect of leadership is being explicit about the vision. The more explicit you are in what you want, the faster you’ll attract the right Whos to help you achieve that vision. The leader explains the “What” and “Why” and then allows the “Who” to execute the “How.”

12. “How” is linear and slow. “Who” is non-linear, instantaneous, and exponential.

13. TIME - Today Is My Everything.

14. Your Whos manage themselves; they aren’t managed by you. They have full responsibility for how they handle themselves because you’ve made the vision abundantly clear and exciting. You’ve then given them full ownership over executing and achieving the vision in whatever way suits them.

15. As it turns out, this isn’t just a fancy idea. Research shows that only 16 percent of creative insight happens while you’re at work. Instead, ideas generally come while you’re at home or in transit, or during recreational activity.

16. You need time and space, and most important, relaxation and recovery, to allow ideas and solutions to ferment and form.

17. The point here is, as you engage in relationships, you expand your efficacy as a person. Your efficacy is your ability to produce results, and it is based on the resources you have to put toward those results. Resources can be financial, but they can also be so much more than that. Encouragement, time, and focus are just as essential as monetary support. Resources not only expand your ability to produce results, but can have a transformational effect on you as a person—on your identity, worldview, and skill level.

18. For example, if you want to improve your health, you could simply get a gym membership. Or you could hire a personal trainer. Yes, this would be an investment, one you may not think you have the capacity to make. However, by hiring a personal trainer, your capabilities and potential in your health and fitness will expand. You’ll be able to produce better results because you’ll get the coaching and support you need. Additionally, by being invested, you’ll be more motivated and focused, not semi-committed.

19. Again, getting Whos is how you get committed.

20. Meta-analytic research shows that confidence is the by-product of recent performance or recent progress toward your goals. By growing your confidence, your imagination and future will simultaneously grow as well.

21. Procrastination doesn’t only stop your confidence from growing. You also limit your imagination, preventing you from seeking out bigger and bigger goals. Your identity or self-concept becomes limited. You stop believing you can achieve big goals, because your identity is largely shaped by your behavior. And this pattern will cause you to assume the same for your future. Thus, procrastination leads to a small self-image and an increasingly smaller future for yourself. You stop trusting in yourself. You stop believing in yourself.

22. Paradoxically, procrastination is actually a form of wisdom. Procrastination is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when you really want something more for yourself, but you lack the knowledge and capability to do it.

23. Procrastination is a very powerful signal telling you that it’s time to get another Who involved. You’re stuck. You need help.

24. Applying Who Not How, and thus killing procrastination, requires two essential steps: 

• Be radically explicit about your goals. 

• Ask yourself: Who can help me accomplish this goal?

25. Dan has created a tool that helps to define the vision, what successful completion of the project looks like, and why it is so important. He calls this tool the Impact Filter.

26. The Impact Filter, as a one-page document, solves this most pervasive leadership conundrum, and is comprised of the following questions: 

• What is the project? 

• Purpose: What do you want to accomplish? 

• Importance: What’s the biggest difference this will make? 

• Ideal Outcome: What does the completed project look like? 

• Best Result: If you do take action? 

• Worst Result: If you don’t take action? 

• Success Criteria: What has to be true when this project is finished?

27. Now that you’ve clarified and become explicit about your goal, you must refrain from trying to figure out “How” to accomplish it.

28. You’ll try to convince yourself why other people may not want to get involved. You may think you can’t afford the right Whos, or that you’re not a great leader. All sorts of limiting beliefs will flood through your mind, trying to get you to focus on the Hows, not the Whos. Without question, it takes courage to tell people your vision. It takes courage and leadership to get other people involved.

29. Dan often says, “The purpose of the Impact Filter is first to sell yourself on the vision, because you can’t sell other people unless you’re sold yourself.”

30. There are plenty of incredible and capable people who want to and will help you. All you need to do is tell them your vision. Spell it out for them. The Impact Filter actually does that for you. Then ask yourself: “Who can help me accomplish this goal?”

31. Once you’ve identified the needed person to help you accomplish your goal, it’s time to get that person engaged and executing the needed Hows. In order to do so, you’ll need to ensure your vision also matches their vision for themselves, and that you can clearly become a powerful Who to them. If you can, and if helping you achieve your vision will help them simultaneously become who they want to be, then you’ve got your Who.

32.  Unless you’re brilliant at finding Whos, you should probably find a Who to find your Whos.

33. You can start small. Each small win builds confidence and an increased sense that you can create the life you want. Start by simply eliminating all tasks or distractions that are unnecessary to your future self. Often, we engage in tasks simply out of habit. If it can be eliminated altogether, then eliminate it. Your future self will thank you.

34. Challenge: Add at least one Who to your goals in the next 90 days in whatever area of your life you choose. By adding a Who, your commitment will increase and your behavior will improve.

35. By investing in Whos you not only utilize their time and resources, but also free yourself up to focus your time and attention on your most high-value activities.

36. Some people don’t invest in Whos like Connie because they don’t view them as an investment, but as a cost. They worry about the amount of money they’ll have to pay their Who, rather than thinking about how that Who could elevate their vision and free up their time.

37. The time I spend writing books and recording podcasts is worth at least 10X or even 100X the time I spent scheduling podcasts.

38. Escalation of Commitment: Every time you invest yourself in something, you become more committed to it.

39. Our culture has brainwashed us into avoiding costs rather than making powerful investments in ourselves and our futures.

40. You’re either in the “Time and Effort Economy” or the “Results Economy.”

41. Whos, when selected properly to fit within your vision, are never a cost. Whos are an investment.

42. “You can survive without a community, but you can’t thrive without one.”

43. First and foremost, when it comes to connecting with someone, you should want to be connected with them. It shouldn’t be a chore. There shouldn’t be any desire to avoid contact or escape from them.

44. “I don’t want to work on a relationship. I just want a relationship that works,”

45. The moral to the story: Don’t reach out to someone unless you have something meaningful to offer them. That “something” needs to be real and relevant, not just a compliment or flattery. True and real value.

46. It’s a back-and-forth process. Rather than sitting by yourself, trying to perfect the idea without feedback, it’s far more effective to throw your ideas out there fast, get feedback from your team, and then adjust as you go. The faster you get at throwing out incomplete work, the faster it will transform into something great. Dan calls this the 80 percent rule. You can get to 80 percent of a project very quickly, such as writing a rough draft. However, going from 80 percent to 90 percent is exponentially more work than going from 0 to 80 percent. Going from 90 to 100 percent is a mountain.

47. It all starts by setting a goal, a new and bigger version of your own future. Then your next step is to ask, “Who can help me do this?”

1. The 10-Minute Toughness program is simply about identifying and utilizing a handful of mental tools that are proven to help people perform more consistently.

2. Athletes using 10-MT spend approximately four to five minutes after each practice and competition to focus on strengths and goal-related thinking. They also spend five minutes a day completing a five-step mental workout prior to the next day's training and/or competition to help develop a pinpoint focus on what they are trying to improve and what it takes to make it happen.

3. The field of sport psychology has identified self-efficacy (self-confidence) as the most influential mental variable in controlling performance. This means that if you have a strong belief in your ability to perform well, then the chances of your actually performing well greatly improve. This program is specifically designed to help athletes improve self-confidence. The two most effective ways to develop self-confidence are to perform well and to physically and mentally prepare to perform well.

4. The program works because it has two primary strengths. First, it forces athletes to identify the "process of success." The process of success is a clear and concise assessment of what it takes for the athlete to perform well. This assessment is done daily after training and competition. Second, a mental workout provides a vehicle for mentally training the identified process of success. In addition, athletes visualize success outcomes to enhance self-confidence. They identify the most beneficial thoughts to have and then condition their minds to be able to maintain those thoughts more fully throughout training sessions and competition. It is certainly not rocket science, but it absolutely works!

5. There are three essential phases in the 10-MT mental-training program. Phase 1 is what I refer to as the mental workout. This individualized mental-training plan helps athletes identify and focus on their "control points," or what it takes for success.

6. 10-Minute Toughness Mental Workout:

a. The Centering Breath. A fifteen-second deep breath designed to control arousal states. 

b. The Performance Statement. A specifically tailored self-statement useful for increasing training and competitive focus. 

c. The Personal Highlight Reel. An advanced form of visualization allowing athletes to increase skill refinement and consistency. 

d. The Identity Statement. A concrete self-statement proven to enhance self-image and performance confidence. 

e. The Centering Breath. As in step one, a biologically established relaxation technique used to increase the potential to perform well under pressure.

7. Phase 2 comprises developing and utilizing an effective goal-setting program:

Vision clarity: Ultimate goal accomplishment associated with sport. 

Product goal: A result-oriented goal that is clearly measurable and is usually most effective if it emphasizes accomplishments in the next twelve months. 

Process goal: The daily action needed to accomplish both product-and vision-level goals. 

Success Log: Questions that encourage the identification of personal strengths and specific desires for improvement.

Personal Rewards Program Questionnaire: Questionnaire that identifies the athlete's motivational preferences. 

Personal incentive style: The motivational preferences of athletes that enhance training and competition intensity.

8. Phase 3 teaches individuals how to develop a relentless focus on solutions. 

9. Athletes and coaches are able to realize the small difference between good and great by asking, What is one thing I can do that could make this better?

10. Centering Breath = Diaphragm Breathing - I have tried to simplify diaphragm breathing by qualifying a good centering breath as one that lasts fifteen seconds. The formula is 6-2-7: breathe in for six seconds, hold for two, and breathe out for seven seconds. Individuals under the age of twelve should try to have the centering breath last eleven seconds (4-2-5).

11. One core aspect of training is known as arousal control. The heart rate is a primary control of a person's arousal state. It is important to control heart rate because using the mind effectively becomes increasingly more difficult as the heart rate rises. Once the rate gets to 120 beats per minute, the mind will not be nearly as sharp (unless proper conditioning and mental training has occurred), and at about 150 beats per minute, the mind will essentially shut down and go into survival mode. (In this state, even the best athletes will lose the ability to maintain mental acuity.)

12. A performance statement is a specifically designed form of self-talk. Self-talk is the conversation that goes on in a person's head throughout the day. It is said that the average person has up to sixty thousand thoughts per day—that's a lot of self-talk. The unfortunate thing about those thoughts is that the majority tend to embody self-doubt or negativity. If we do not choose our thoughts carefully, they can (and many times do) have a negative impact on performance.

13. From a mental standpoint, the most tried-and-true way to increase performance is to improve confidence. Self-talk is one of the most influential agents for honing self-confidence.

14. Extensive research in the sport psychology world confirms that an athlete's internal dialogue significantly influences performance. Athletes who have negative self-talk will generally experience poor performance; conversely, when athletes keep their minds focused on positive performance cues, they are more likely to experience success.

15. A performance statement is a type of self-talk designed to help athletes zoom in on one specific thought to enhance performance consistency. It is a simple, yet concrete, thought that specifically identifies the process of success, or what it takes to perform at your best.

16. For the baseball player, there may be a performance statement to emphasize hitting (track the ball, smooth and easy) and defense (set, stay down, watch it into the glove). A basketball player may choose to combine both offense and defense into one performance statement (hustle every possession; attack every rebound; drive, drive, drive), while the gymnast may have a performance statement for every event she competes on (floor: quick hands, tight legs, squeeze; vault: top speed, feet in front; bars: hollow handstands and elbows locked).

17. In my opinion, the essence of mental toughness is the ability to replace negative thinking with thoughts that are centered on performance cues or that contribute to improved self-confidence.

18. The more often negative thoughts are replaced with positive self-talk, the more successful and mentally tough a person will be.

19. The most helpful method to stop self-doubt and negative thinking is thought replacement. Effective thought replacement occurs when you decide what you want to have happen and then think more often about what it will take to make it happen. Whenever unproductive thoughts ("don't" thinking or mental clutter) infringe, replace them with productive ones.

20. The performance statement serves two principal purposes. First, it is a way to avoid self-doubt, negativity, or mental clutter(thought replacement). Second, it helps you perform at your best by directing your thoughts toward targeted areas of strength.

21. A client trying to prioritize exercise had this as his performance statement: "Three days on, one day off; dedicated and committed; I clear my own path." His highlights aren't as much about the technical aspects of doing it right as they are about his desire and ability to be healthy.

22. The personal highlight reel is an advanced form of visualization in which you create your own mental "SportsCenter" highlight reel.

23. People learn faster by visualizing success rather than by watching it on tape. Of course, there is considerable value in watching success on tape. In fact, during film sessions, Bear Bryant, the famous football coach at Alabama, showed his players only footage of themselves playing well.

24. Coach Bryant contended that showing his players what they did well helped them repeat the performance, whereas showing them what they did wrong would only increase the likelihood of their exhibiting more poor play in the future.

25. According to some studies, in fact, every minute of visualization is worth seven minutes of physical practice.

26. Visualizing is the act of watching something in your mind before actually doing it.

27. There are eight essential guidelines for visualization success:

Choose One of Three Camera Angles - whether 1. as if the camera is in the stands recording someone other than you performing the skill; 2. you are watching the mental video as if the camera is in the stands filming as you perform the skill and 3. you watch the mental video as if your eyes are the camera lens (or as if you're wearing a helmet camera). From this perspective, you would see whatever you actually see while you are performing the skill.

Pay Attention to Detail - Try to pay attention to three of the five senses while performing the skill: sight (What do you see on the surrounding field, court, or arena?); sound (Do you hear crowd noise, coaches, teammates?); and feel (What does the ball, bat, racket, club, etc., feel like? Also, what does your body feel like as it performs successfully?).

Frequent and Brief Is the Ticket - Visualizing many times for short stints is far more effective than visualizing for extended periods.

Visualize from Beginning to End - Make sure to view the skill or action in its entirety. Creating a comprehensive mental video helps to reduce distraction and eliminate potential problems with emotional control.

Emotionally Feel the Way You Want to Feel - Be aware of how you want to feel before and during competition, and then train yourself to feel just that way.

Replay Until You Get It Right

Give Credit Where Credit Is Due - Upon finishing each successful visualization, take a brief time-out to congratulate yourself on a job well done. A mental pat on the back or a few kind words to yourself after visualizing success will help keep you on an even keel.

Operate at Game Speed - Finally, watch the mental clip at the desired speed. While it is helpful sometimes to slow the mental video down to figure out some of the more complex skills, you should always visualize at the desired speed prior to the physical performance, or else the timing of the action may be off.

28. Camera angle number three is the most beneficial, because with this approach, your muscles can actually get stronger and muscle memory can develop. Many athletes refer to muscle memory as the ability to perform successfully while on autopilot.

29. Although I just told you that all three camera angles are helpful, I do not want you to use more than one camera angle when you visualize. Pick one angle to employ, trusting your instincts on which of the three is most appropriate for you.

30. The personal highlight reel is made up of three parts. The first part emphasizes a successful performance from your past, and the second and third parts address how you want to perform in the future.

31. Part 1: Sixty-Second Mental Video Clip of Excellent Past Performance - There are two options to consider when creating the first part of your personal highlight reel. The first option is to identify the best performance or game you have had in the past (the more recent the better). Imagine that the entire performance was videotaped; select three to five personal highlights from the videotaped performance, each lasting from ten to twenty seconds. The second option is to identify a few of your best performances and choose a combination of your best highlights from those performances. Choose the three to five best personal highlights, each lasting between ten to twenty seconds.

32. Parts 2 and 3: Sixty-Second Mental Video Clips of Upcoming Big Games or Competitions - The second and third parts are also sixty-second mental video clips, but instead of re-creating the past, you imagine what you want to have happen in your future.

33. Be sure to really hone in on what it physically feels like to emphasize your performance statement and emotionally focus on your ideal arousal state as you go through parts two and three of your personal highlight reel. By doing so, you will dramatically increase the effectiveness of your visualization.

34. Sean Townsend's Personal Highlight Reel 

Part 1 (Successful Past Performance): World Championships '02  

Good training leading up to World Championships  

Felt calm and confident in warm-ups; everything was smooth and fluid  

Hit four solid routines on the first day of competition

Superhit P-bars to win the gold  

Personal greatest moment in sport: gold medal ceremony (freeze frame: standing at the top of the podium) 

Part 2 (Next Elevated-Pressure Competition): USA Championships '08  

Good, solid warm-up, feeling calm and confident and taking one skill at a time, one routine at a time  

Hit all six routines on day one while feeling calm and confident and taking one skill at a time, one routine at a time  

Hit all six routines in finals while feeling calm and confident and taking one skill at a time, one routine at a time

Part 3 (Next Competition): WOGA Invitational  

Good, solid warm-up, feeling calm and confident and taking one skill at a time, one routine at a time  

Hit all six routines on day one while feeling calm and confident and taking one skill at a time, one routine at a time 

 Hit all six routines in finals while feeling calm and confident and taking one skill at a time, one routine at a time

35. An identity statement is a self-statement designed to improve self-image. Your self-image is essentially how you view yourself—what strengths and weaknesses you believe you possess. It has been demonstrated that what people believe they are capable of accomplishing largely determines how much they will actually accomplish.

36. Self-image is a proven agent of behavior control.

37. The effect of self-image is one reason why 80 percent of lottery winners file for bankruptcy within five years of winning. Even though their financial situation has dramatically changed, typically the self-image hasn't. For people who see themselves as not good with money, no matter how much money is given to them, they will generally find a way to lose it.

38. As pointed out previously, largely what determines people's self-image is the things they continually say to themselves, and unfortunately, much of our inner dialogue regards what we can't do rather than what we can do.

39. The key is to create the self-image desired—decide who you want to be and how you want to live—and then continuously tell yourself that you have what it takes to be that person. The self-image will guide and direct actions and behaviors until the self-image becomes the reality.

40. In the words of Maxwell Maltz, "You will act like the sort of person you conceive yourself to be. More important, you literally cannot act otherwise, in spite of all your conscious efforts or willpower. This is why trying to achieve something difficult with teeth gritted is a losing battle. Willpower is not the answer. Self-image management is."

41. I encourage athletes to create a two-part identity statement. The first part indicates a strength you currently have or want to have. Be sure the strength you choose to accentuate makes achieving success more likely. For example, your strength might be that you are a really hard worker. Whether it is already true or is something that you want to be true, the first part of your identity statement might be "I am the hardest worker on the team."

42. The second part of your identity statement addresses what you want to accomplish. It is OK to stretch a bit here. According to research on affirmations, the more imposing the desired task, the more impact it will have on the self-image. Frame both parts of your identity statement as though the objectives have already been achieved.

43. My own personal identity statement is "I am more motivated than my competition; I am the most effective sport psychology consultant in the world."

44. Examples of Identity Statements  

Baseball. I am the hardest worker on the team; I am a dominant major-league hitter.  

Basketball. I am intelligent and I know this game better than anyone; I am the most prolific scorer on the court.

45. Remember: the centering breath is a deep breath used to physiologically control heart rate and arousal. Taking a centering breath at the end of the mental workout is necessary for athletes because completing the personal highlight reel may cause the heart rate and arousal state to elevate.

46. I tell athletes that doing the mental workout one time a day is great. Some clients prefer to do it a couple of times a day, and that is OK, but there is no need to do it more than twice a day.

47. Give it a try. Complete the mental workout for two weeks, and judge for yourself if it helps you to improve focus, ability, and consistency.

48. The three levels, or types, of goals that I discuss with clients are ultimate goals, product goals, and process goals

49. Ultimate goals. Ultimate goals are the culmination of what you want to accomplish and how you want to accomplish it. When identifying your ultimate goals, imagine being able to look into the future and witness your retirement dinner. What accomplishments do you want to hang on the wall, and what would you like the speaker to say about you regarding how you played the game and how you conducted yourself?

50. Product goals. Product goals are result-oriented goals. They are clearly measurable and usually are most effective if they emphasize accomplishments in the next twelve months. I have found that the best formula is to assign yourself up to three product goals for the next competitive season in which you will participate and, again, up to three product goals for the upcoming off-season. For example, a basketball player may have the following three product goals for the season:

1. Score at least ten points per game 

2. Have a free-throw percentage of 80 percent or better 

3. Grab at least six rebounds every game

51. Process goals. Process goals are the "what it takes" to achieve the product goals you set. Process goals also must be specific enough to be measurable. For example, the same basketball player may believe that two of the best ways for her to score ten points per game are by being mentally prepared for each game and by aggressively driving to the hoop (within five feet) at least four times per game.

52.It is important to write your goals down and let others know of your intentions. Writing and talking about your goals will also increase your accountability and motivation for achieving them.

53. "What does Coach Wooden say about excuses?" He replied, "Never make excuses. Your friends won't need them, and your foes won't believe them."

54. For goals to work, they must become a part of daily training.

55. After practices and games, you will take about three to four minutes to fill out a Success Log. The Success Logs ask athletes to answer the following questions:  

What three things did I do well today?  

Based on today's performance, what do I want to improve?  

What is one thing I can do differently that could lead to the desired improvement?

56. Just before doing your mental workout, you will take one minute to review your Success Log entries from the previous day.

57. In my experience, athletes who establish a "personal rewards" system find it easier and more enjoyable to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve their goals.

58. Research strongly suggests that pushing to reach a goal provides more happiness than actually reaching the goal.

59. It is also important to set new goals once a goal is achieved. Remember that you stand to experience more joy and satisfaction from striving to reach your goals than from actually achieving them. So, keep replacing achieved goals with bright, shiny new ones.

60. Edwin Locke and Gary Latham, discovered after years of research on thousands of people is that the most successful men and women in the world use goals as their primary method of motivation.

61. Being solution focused means keeping your thoughts centered on what you want from life and what it takes to achieve what you want, as opposed to allowing thoughts of self-doubt and concern to occupy the mind.

62. "Every time I catch myself feeling angry or scared or depressed it is because I am thinking about what I don't have in my life or about something that is wrong with me. The instant I catch myself feeling uncomfortable I ask, 'What is one thing I can do right now that could make my situation better?,'

63. Bolster yourself. Surround yourself with people who want to scale the same heights. If your training companions are always complaining and wallowing in their problems, your solution focus is sure to waver.

64. Attitudes are contagious; people tend to take on the attitudes and actions of the individuals in their circle. A good attitude is just as contractible as a bad one. If you habitually conduct yourself with a solution focus, those around you will start to follow your model.

65. I consider an individual to be mentally tough when the mind is in control of thoughts that help the body accomplish what is wanted.

66. Let's review how the three phases of 10-MT can help you choose the right mental attitude.

Phase 1: The Mental Workout

Step 1: Centering Breath The centering breath is a fifteen-second breath in which you breathe in for six seconds, hold for two, and then breathe out for seven.

Step 2: Performance Statement After taking your centering breath, repeat to yourself the statement that most effectively focuses you on what it takes for you to be successful in competition.

Step 3: Personal Highlight Reel After reciting your performance statement, spend about three minutes visualizing what it looks like to be successful.

Step 4: Identity Statement Upon completing your personal highlight reel, repeat to yourself your identity statement to help mold your self-image.

Step 5: Centering Breath The mental workout ends the way it begins, with a fifteen-second deep breath. This breath resets your heart rate to a level of controlled arousal and increased mental focus. Use success logs to keep your daily training focused and precise. As best as you can, try to identify just one thing you want to improve prior to each training day.

Phase 2: Goal Setting for Greatness - When you know what you want to accomplish, write it down, and spread the word. Talking about your goals will spring them from your subconscious into your consciousness.

Phase 3: Adopt a Relentless Solution Focus - Anytime you are in the presence of adversity ask yourself, "What is one thing I can do that could make this better?"

1. The main obstacle to achieving “the impossible” may be a self-limiting mind-set.

2. You can’t stay at the top if you aren’t comfortable in high-stress situations. Indeed, the ability to remain cool under fire is the one trait of elite performers that is most often thought of as inborn. But in fact you can learn to love the pressure—for driving you to perform better than you ever thought you could. To do that, however, you have to first make a choice to devote yourself passionately to self-improvement.

3. People who are as self-motivated as Jack or Darren Clarke rarely indulge in self-flagellation. That’s not to say that elite performers aren’t hard on themselves; they would not have gotten so far without being hard on themselves. But when things go awry, business and sports superstars dust themselves off and move on.

4. Much of star athletes’ ability to rebound from defeat comes from an intense focus on long-term goals and aspirations.

5. The trick here is to meticulously plan short-term goals so that performance will peak at major, rather than minor, events.

6. Use the Competition - It’s common in track-and-field sports for two elite athletes from different countries to train together.

7. If you hope to make it to the very top, like Murray, you too will need to make sure you “train” with the people who will push you the hardest.

8. Smart companies consciously create situations in which their elite performers push one another to levels they would never reach if they were working with less-accomplished colleagues. Talent development programs that bring together a company’s stars for intensive training often serve precisely such a purpose. If you want to become a world-class executive, getting into such a program should be one of your first goals.

9. Shotton had an insatiable appetite for feedback—a quality I have seen in all the top business performers I have worked with. They have a particularly strong need for instant, in the moment feedback.

10. Celebrate the Victories - Elite performers know how to party—indeed, they put almost as much effort into their celebrations as they do into their accomplishments.

11.  I once worked with a professional golfer who, as he worked his way up the ranks to the top of his sport, would reward himself with something he had prized as a young player—an expensive watch, a fancy car, a new home. These were reminders of his achievements and symbolized to him the hard work, commitment, and dedication he had put into golf for so many years.

12. Indeed, our recent research has led us to conclude that one of the most reliable indicators and predictors of true leadership is an individual’s ability to find meaning in negative events and to learn from even the most trying circumstances.

13. In the late 1960s I was part of the team that discovered “learned helplessness.” We found that dogs, rats, mice, and even cockroaches that experienced mildly painful shock over which they had no control would eventually just accept it, with no attempt to escape. It was next shown that human beings do the same thing.

14. Strangely, however, about a third of the animals and people who experience inescapable shocks or noise never become helpless. What is it about them that makes this so? Over 15 years of study, my colleagues and I discovered that the answer is optimism.

15. We discovered that people who don’t give up have a habit of interpreting setbacks as temporary, local, and changeable. (“It’s going away quickly; it’s just this one situation, and I can do something about it.”)

16. That suggested how we might immunize people against learned helplessness, against depression and anxiety, and against giving up after failure: by teaching them to think like optimists.

17. In the living laboratory of sports, we learned that the real enemy of high performance is not stress, which, paradoxical as it may seem, is actually the stimulus for growth. Rather, the problem is the absence of disciplined, intermittent recovery. Chronic stress without recovery depletes energy reserves, leads to burnout and breakdown, and ultimately undermines performance.

18. Body language also influences emotions. In one well-known experiment, actors were asked to portray anger and then were subjected to numerous physiological tests, including heart rate, blood pressure, core temperature, galvanic skin response, and hormone levels. Next, the actors were exposed to a situation that made them genuinely angry, and the same measurements were taken. There were virtually no differences in the two profiles. Effective acting produces precisely the same physiology that real emotions do.

19. All great athletes understand this instinctively. If they carry themselves confidently, they will eventually start to feel confident, even in highly stressful situations.

20. That’s why we train our corporate clients to “act as if”—consciously creating the look on the outside that they want to feel on the inside. “You are what you repeatedly do,” said Aristotle. “Excellence is not a singular act but a habit.”

21. We have found that individuals who adopt a “stress is enhancing” mind-set in their lives show greater work performance and fewer negative health symptoms than those who adopt a “stress-is-debilitating” lens.

22. We’ve identified four lenses through which managers can view adverse events to make this shift effectively.

23. Control. When a crisis hits, do you look for what you can improve now rather than trying to identify all the factors—even those beyond your control—that caused it in the first place? 

24. Impact. Can you sidestep the temptation to find the origins of the problem in yourself or others and focus instead on identifying what positive effects your personal actions might have? 

25. Breadth. Do you assume that the underlying cause of the crisis is specific and can be contained, or do you worry that it might cast a long shadow over all aspects of your life? 

26. Duration. How long do you believe that the crisis and its repercussions will last?

27. The first two lenses characterize an individual’s personal reaction to adversity, and the second two capture his or her impressions of the adversity’s magnitude.

28. Control Questions : 

• Specifying: What aspects of the situation can I directly influence to change the course of this adverse event? 
• Visualizing: What would the manager I most admire do in this situation? 
• Collaborating: Who on my team can help me, and what’s the best way to engage that person or those people?

29. Impact Questions:

• Specifying: How can I step up to make the most immediate, positive impact on this situation? 
• Visualizing: What positive effect might my efforts have on those around me? 
• Collaborating: How can I mobilize the efforts of those who are hanging back?

30. Breath Questions:

• Specifying: What can I do to reduce the potential downside of this adverse event—by even 10%? What can I do to maximize the potential upside—by even 10%? 
• Visualizing: What strengths and resources will my team and I develop by addressing this event?
• Collaborating: What can each of us do on our own, and what can we do collectively, to contain the damage and transform the situation into an opportunity?

31. Duration Question:

• Visualizing: What do I want life to look like on the other side of this adversity? 
• Specifying: What can I do in the next few minutes, or hours, to move in that direction? 
• Collaborating: What sequence of steps can we put together as a team, and what processes can we develop and adopt, to see us through to the other side of this hardship?

32. You won’t become more resilient simply because you’ve read this far and have made a mental note to pull out these questions the next time a destabilizing difficulty strikes. To strengthen your capacity for resilience, you need to internalize the questions by following two simple precepts:

33. Various studies on stress and coping with trauma demonstrate that the act of writing about difficult episodes can enhance an individual’s emotional and physical well-being. Indeed, writing offers people command over an adverse situation in a way that merely thinking about it does not. It’s best to treat the resilience regimen as a timed exercise: Give yourself at least 15 minutes, uninterrupted, to write down your responses to the 12 questions.

34. When you’re learning any new skill, repetition is critical. The resilience regimen is a long-term fitness plan, not a crash diet. You must ask and answer these questions daily if they are to become second nature.

1. So I sought out pain, fell in love with suffering, and eventually transformed myself from the weakest piece of shit on the planet into the hardest man God ever created, or so I tell myself.

2. That night, after taking a shower, I wiped the steam away from our corroded bathroom mirror and took a good look. I didn’t like who I saw staring back. I was a low-budget thug with no purpose and no future. I felt so disgusted I wanted to punch that motherfucker in the face and shatter glass. Instead, I lectured him. It was time to get real.

3. “Look at you,” I said. “Why do you think the Air Force wants your punk ass? You stand for nothing. You are an embarrassment.”

4. “You are one dumb motherfucker. You read like a third grader. You’re a fucking joke! You’ve never tried hard at anything in your life besides basketball, and you have goals? That’s fucking hilarious.”

5. “You don’t see people in the military sagging their pants. You need to stop talking like a wanna-be-gangster. None of this shit is gonna cut it! No more taking the easy way out! It’s time to grow the fuck up!”

6. The Accountability Mirror kept me on point from then on, and though I was still young when this strategy came through me, since then I’ve found it useful for people at any stage in life.

7. The Accountability Mirror kept me on point from then on, and though I was still young when this strategy came through me, since then I’ve found it useful for people at any stage in life.

8. From then on, I brainwashed myself into craving discomfort. If it was raining, I would go run. Whenever it started snowing, my mind would say, Get your fucking running shoes on. Sometimes I wussed out and had to deal with it at the Accountability Mirror. But facing that mirror, facing myself, motivated me to fight through uncomfortable experiences, and, as a result, I became tougher. And being tough and resilient helped me meet my goals.

9. That’s when I first realized that not all physical and mental limitations are real, and that I had a habit of giving up way too soon.

10. Everything in life is a mind game! Whenever we get swept under by life’s dramas, large and small, we are forgetting that no matter how bad the pain gets, no matter how harrowing the torture, all bad things end.

11. Taking someone’s soul means you’ve gained a tactical advantage. Life is all about looking for tactical advantages, which is why we stole the Hell Week schedule, why we nipped Psycho’s heels on that run, and why I made a show of myself in the surf, humming the Platoon theme song. Each of those incidents was an act of defiance that empowered us.

12. When the water was chest high I began humming Adagio in Strings once more. Louder this time. Loud enough for that motherfucker to hear me over the crash of the surf. That song gave me life!

13. Physical training is the perfect crucible to learn how to manage your thought process because when you’re working out, your focus is more likely to be single pointed, and your response to stress and pain is immediate and measurable. Do you hammer hard and snag that personal best like you said you would, or do you crumble? That decision rarely comes down to physical ability, it’s almost always a test of how well you are managing your own mind.

14. The reason it’s important to push hardest when you want to quit the most is because it helps you callous your mind. It’s the same reason why you have to do your best work when you are the least motivated. That’s why I loved PT in BUD/S and why I still love it today. Physical challenges strengthen my mind so I’m ready for whatever life throws at me, and it will do the same for you.

15. Failure is a part of life and now we all had to press on.

16. I felt it viscerally, and I used that concept to stuff a new kind of Cookie Jar. Inside it were all my past victories.

17. Like the time when I had to study three times as hard as anybody else during my senior year in high school just to graduate. That was a cookie. Or when I passed the ASVAB test as a senior and then again to get into BUD/S. Two more cookies. I remembered dropping over a hundred pounds in under three months, conquering my fear of water, graduating BUD/S at the top of my class, and being named Enlisted Honor Man in Army Ranger School (more on that soon). All those were cookies loaded with chocolate chunks.

18. I actually tapped into the emotional state I felt during those victories, and in so doing accessed my sympathetic nervous system once again. My adrenaline took over, the pain started to fade just enough, and my pace picked up. I began swinging my arms and lengthening my stride. My fractured feet were still a bloody mess, full of blisters, the toenails peeling off almost every toe, but I kept pounding, and soon it was me who was slaloming runners with pained expressions as I raced the clock.

19. The engine in a rocket ship does not fire without a small spark first. We all need small sparks, small accomplishments in our lives to fuel the big ones. Think of your small accomplishments as kindling. When you want a bonfire, you don’t start by lighting a big log. You collect some witch’s hair—a small pile of hay or some dry, dead grass. You light that, and then add small sticks and bigger sticks before you feed your tree stump into the blaze. Because it’s the small sparks, which start small fires, that eventually build enough heat to burn the whole fucking forest down.

20. I’m talking about utilizing past successes to fuel you to new and bigger ones. Because in the heat of battle, when shit gets real, we need to draw inspiration to push through our own exhaustion, depression, pain, and misery. We need to spark a bunch of small fires to become the motherfucking inferno.

21. By now, I’m sure you can tell that it doesn’t take much for me to become obsessed. Some criticize my level of passion, but I’m not down with the prevailing mentalities that tend to dominate American society these days; the ones that tell us to go with the flow or invite us to learn how to get more with less effort. Fuck that shortcut bullshit.

22. Sadly, most of us give up when we’ve only given around 40 percent of our maximum effort. Even when we feel like we’ve reached our absolute limit, we still have 60 percent more to give!

23. But nobody taps their reserve 60 percent right away or all at once. The first step is to remember that your initial blast of pain and fatigue is your governor talking. Once you do that, you are in control of the dialogue in your mind, and you can remind yourself that you are not as drained as you think. That you haven’t given it your all. Not even close. Buying into that will keep you in the fight, and that’s worth an extra 5 percent. Of course, that’s easier read than done.

24. Most of us are motivated as hell to do anything to pursue our dreams until those around us remind us of the danger, the downside, our own limitations, and all the people before us that didn’t make it. Sometimes the advice comes from a well-intentioned place. They really believe they are doing it for our own good but if you let them, these same people will talk you out of your dreams, and your governor will help them do it.

25. That’s one reason I invented the Cookie Jar. We must create a system that constantly reminds us who the fuck we are when we are at our best, because life is not going to pick us up when we fall.

26. From this point forward, accept the following as Goggins’s laws of nature: 

• You will be made fun of. 
• You will feel insecure. 
• You may not be the best all the time. 
• You may be the only black, white, Asian, Latino, female, male [fill in your identity here] in a given situation. 
• There will be times when you feel alone. 

Get over it!

27. In the military we always say we don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.

28. First, a quick reminder of how this process works. In 1999, when I weighed 297 pounds, my first run was a quarter mile. Fast forward to 2007, I ran 205 miles in thirty-nine hours, nonstop. I didn’t get there overnight, and I don’t expect you to either. Your job is to push past your normal stopping point.

29. Whether you are running on a treadmill or doing a set of push-ups, get to the point where you are so tired and in pain that your mind is begging you to stop. Then push just 5 to 10 percent further. If the most push-ups you have ever done is one hundred in a workout, do 105 or 110. If you normally run thirty miles each week, run 10 percent more next week.

30. This gradual ramp-up will help prevent injury and allow your body and mind to slowly adapt to your new workload. It also resets your baseline, which is important because you’re about to increase your workload another 5 to 10 percent the following week, and the week after that.

31. If you want to master the mind and remove your governor, you’ll have to become addicted to hard work. Because passion and obsession, even talent, are only useful tools if you have the work ethic to back them up.

32. For years I’ve lived like a monk. I don’t see or spend time with a lot of people. My circle is very tight. I post on social media once or twice a week and I never check anybody else’s feeds because I don’t follow anyone. That’s just me. I’m not saying you need to be that unforgiving, because you and I probably don’t share the same goals. But I know you have goals too, and room for improvement, or you wouldn’t be reading my book, and I guarantee that if you audited your schedule you’d find time for more work and less bullshit.

33. A lot of us surround ourselves with people who speak to our desire for comfort. People who would rather treat the pain of our wounds and prevent further injury than help us callous over them and try again. We need to surround ourselves with people who will tell us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear, but at the same time not make us feel we’re up against the impossible. My mother was my biggest fan. Whenever I failed in life she was always asking me when and where I would go after it again. She never said, Well, maybe it isn’t meant to be.

34. In life, there is no gift as overlooked or inevitable as failure. I’ve had quite a few and have learned to relish them, because if you do the forensics you’ll find clues about where to make adjustments and how to eventually accomplish your task.

35. If I was going to be the next athlete to smash popular perception, I’d need to stop listening to doubt, whether it streamed in from the outside or bubbled up from within, and the best way to do that was to decide that the pull-up record was already mine.

1.When psychologists isolate the personal qualities that predict “positive outcomes” in life, they consistently find two traits: intelligence and self-control. So far researchers still haven’t learned how to permanently increase intelligence. But they have discovered, or at least rediscovered, how to improve self-control.

2. As Charles Darwin wrote in The Descent of Man, “The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts.”

3. The researchers concluded that people spend at least a fifth of their waking hours resisting desires—between three and four hours per day.

4. To ward off temptation, people reported using various strategies. The most popular was to look for a distraction or to undertake a new activity, although sometimes they tried suppressing it directly or simply toughing their way through it.

5. Overall, they succumbed to about a sixth of the temptations. They were relatively good at avoiding naps, sex, and the urge to spend money, but only mediocre at passing up food and soft drinks.

6. When they tried resisting the lure of television the Web, and other media sirens, they failed nearly half the time.

7. When researchers compared students’ grades with nearly three dozen personality traits, self-control turned out to be the only trait that predicted a college student’s grade-point average better than chance. Self-control also proved to be a better predictor of college grades than the student’s IQ or SAT score.

8. Although raw intelligence was obviously an advantage, the study showed that self-control was more important because it helped the students show up more reliably for classes, start their homework earlier, and spend more time working and less time watching television.

9. Thus was born “ego depletion,” Baumeister’s term for describing people’s diminished capacity to regulate their thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

10. People can sometimes overcome mental fatigue, but Baumeister found that if they had used up energy by exerting willpower (or by making decisions, another form of ego depletion that we’ll discuss later), they would eventually succumb.

11. The results showed that ego depletion causes a slowdown in the anterior cingulate cortex, the brain area that’s crucial to self-control. As the brain slows down and its error-detection ability deteriorates, people have trouble controlling their reactions. They must struggle to accomplish tasks that would get done much more easily if the ego weren’t depleted.

12. In these experiments, while depleted persons (once again) didn’t show any single telltale emotion, they did react more strongly to all kinds of things. A sad movie made them extra sad. Joyous pictures made them happier, and disturbing pictures made them more frightened and upset. Ice-cold water felt more painful to them than it did to people who were not ego-depleted. Desires intensified along with feelings. After eating a cookie, the people reported a stronger craving to eat another cookie—and they did in fact eat more cookies when given a chance.

13. So if you’d like some advance warning of trouble, look not for a single symptom but rather for a change in the overall intensity of your feelings.

14. Ego depletion thus creates a double whammy: Your willpower is diminished and your cravings feel stronger than ever. The problem can be particularly acute for people struggling with addiction. Researchers have long noticed that cravings are especially strong during withdrawal.

15. What stress really does, though, is deplete willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions.

16. You have a finite amount of willpower that becomes depleted as you use it.

17. You use the same stock of willpower for all manner of tasks.

18. You might think you have one reservoir of self-control for work, another for dieting, another for exercise, and another for being nice to your family. But the radish experiment showed that two completely unrelated activities—resisting chocolate and working on geometry puzzles—drew on the same source of energy, and this phenomenon has been demonstrated over and over.

19. Ego depletion affects even your heartbeat. When people in laboratory experiments exercise mental self-control, their pulse becomes more erratic; conversely, people whose normal pulse is relatively variable seem to have more inner energy available for self-control, because they do better on laboratory tests of perseverance than do people with steadier heartbeats.

20. Focus on one project at a time. If you set more than one self-improvement goal, you may succeed for a while by drawing on reserves to power through, but that just leaves you more depleted and more prone to serious mistakes later.

21. The link between glucose and self-control appeared in studies of people with hypoglycemia, the tendency to have low blood sugar. Researchers noted that hypoglycemics were more likely than the average person to have trouble concentrating and controlling their negative emotions when provoked. Overall, they tended to be more anxious and less happy than average. Hypoglycemia was also reported to be unusually prevalent among criminals and other violent persons, and some creative defense attorneys brought the low-blood-sugar research into court.

22. No glucose, no willpower: The pattern showed up time and again as researchers tested more people in more situations.

23. When you’re tired, sleep. Adults routinely shortchange themselves on sleep, and the result is less self-control. By resting, we reduce the body’s demands for glucose, and we also improve its overall ability to make use of the glucose in the bloodstream.

24. For decades, psychologists have been debating the merits of proximal goals (which are short-term objectives) versus distal goals (which are long-term objectives).

25. The group with the proximal goals outperformed everyone else when the program was over and competence was tested. They succeeded, apparently, because meeting these daily goals gradually built their confidence and self-efficacy. With their focus on a specific goal for each session, they learned better and faster than the others. Even though they spent less time per session, they got more done, thus progressing through all the material faster.

26. It turned out that the distal goals were no better than having no goals at all. Only the proximal goals produced improvements in learning, self-efficacy, and performance.

27. Psychologists distinguish two main types of mental processes, automatic and controlled. Automatic processes, processes, like multiplying 4 times 7, can be done without exertion. If someone says “4 times 7,” 28 probably pops into your head whether you want it to or not—that’s why the process is called automatic. In contrast, computing 26 times 30 requires mental effort as you go through the steps of multiplying to come up with 780.

28. Once decision fatigue set in, people tended to settle for the recommended option.

29. A quick dose of glucose can counteract this short-term thinking, as researchers demonstrated by giving people a soft drink just before asking them to make choices between quick-but-small versus larger-but-later rewards.

30. Advertising agencies figured out long ago that men are more likely to splurge on a luxury product if it’s shown next to a beautiful woman.

31. I have never known a man who was too idle to attend to his affairs & accounts, who did not get into difficulties; & he who habitually is in money difficulties, very rarely keeps scrupulously honourable, & God forbid that this should ever be your fate. —Charles Darwin, in a letter to his son accompanying a check to pay off the young man’s debts

32. Those who focused on what they had already done did not seem eager to move on to more difficult and challenging tasks. They were reasonably content with where they were and what they were currently doing. For contentment, apparently, it pays to look at how far you’ve come. To stoke motivation and ambition, focus instead on the road ahead.

33. Exercising self-control in one area seemed to improve all areas of life.

34. We’ve said that willpower is humans’ greatest strength, but the best strategy is not to rely on it in all situations. Save it for emergencies. As Stanley discovered, there are mental tricks that enable you to conserve willpower for those moments when it’s indispensable.

35. Precommitment. The essence of this strategy is to lock yourself into a virtuous path. You recognize that you’ll face terrible temptations to stray from the path, and that your willpower will weaken. So you make it impossible—or somehow unthinkably disgraceful or sinful—to leave the path. Precommitment is what Odysseus and his men used to get past the deadly songs of the Sirens. He had himself lashed to the mast with orders not to be untied no matter how much he pleaded to be freed to go to the Sirens. His men used a different form of precommitment by plugging their ears so they couldn’t hear the Sirens’ songs. They prevented themselves from being tempted at all, which is generally the safer of the two approaches.

36. What began as a precommitment turned into something permanent and more valuable: a habit.

37. The behaviors they had coded as automatic tended to be linked to habits, whereas the more controlled sorts of behaviors tended to be unusual or one-time-only actions. Self-control turned out to be most effective when people used it to establish good habits and break bad ones.

38. Some would collect information until they were ready and then write a manuscript in a burst of intense energy, over perhaps a week or two, possibly including some long days and very late nights. Others plodded along at a steadier pace, trying to write a page or two every day. Others were in between. When Boice followed up on the group some years later, he found that their paths had diverged sharply. The page-a-day folks had done well and generally gotten tenure. The so-called “binge writers” fared far less well, and many had had their careers cut short. The clear implication was that the best advice for young writers and aspiring professors is: Write every day. Use your self-control to form a daily habit, and you’ll produce more with less effort in the long run.

39. We know that self-control starts with setting standards or goals, and we can see that AA helps people set a clear and attainable goal: Do not have a drink today. (AA’s mantra is “One day at a time.”)

40. Self-control depends on monitoring, and AA offers help there, too. Members get chips for remaining sober for certain numbers of consecutive days, and when they get up to speak, they often start by saying how many days they have been sober. Members also choose a sponsor, with whom they are supposed to remain in regular, even daily, contact—and that, too, is a powerful boost for monitoring.

41. “bright lines,” a term that Ainslie borrows from lawyers. These are clear, simple, unambiguous rules. You can’t help but notice when you cross a bright line.

42. Zero tolerance is a bright line: total abstinence with no exceptions anytime. It’s not practical for all self-control problems—a dieter cannot stop eating all food—but it works well in many situations. Once you’re committed to following a bright-line rule, your present self can feel confident that your future self will observe it, too.

43. Mischel found some support for the ethnic stereotypes, but in the process he stumbled on a much bigger and more meaningful effect. Children who had a father in the home were far more willing than others to choose the delayed reward. Most of the racial and ethnic variation could be explained by this difference, because the Indian children generally lived with both parents, whereas a fair number of the African children lived with a single mother. The value of fatherhood was also evident when Mischel analyzed just the African homes: About half of the children living with fathers chose the delayed reward, but none of the children in fatherless homes were willing to wait. Similarly, none of the Indian children living without a father were willing to wait.

44. Even after researchers control for socioeconomic factors and other variables, it turns out that children from two-parent homes get better grades in school. They’re healthier and better-adjusted emotionally. They have more satisfying social lives and engage in less antisocial behavior. They’re more likely to attend an elite university and less likely to go to prison.

45. Lack of adult supervision during the teenage years turned out to be one of the strongest predictors of criminal behavior.

46. A simple commitment strategy for avoiding late-night snacking is to brush your teeth early in the evening, while you’re still full from dinner and before the late-night-snacking temptation sets in. Although it won’t physically prevent you from eating, brushing your teeth is such an ingrained pre-bedtime habit that it unconsciously cues you not to eat anymore.

47. You can also try a strategy that psychologists call an “implementation intention,” which is a way to reduce the amount of time and effort you spend controlling your thoughts. Instead of making general plans to reduce calories, you make highly specific plans for automatic behavior in certain situations, like what to do when you’re tempted by fattening food at a party. An implementation intention takes the form of if-then: If x happens, I will do y. The more you use this technique to transfer the control of your behavior to automatic processes, the less effort you will expend.

48. Successful people don’t use their willpower as a last-ditch defense to stop themselves from disaster, at least not as a regular strategy, as Baumeister and his colleagues have observed recently on both sides of the Atlantic.

49. The researchers were surprised to find that people with strong self-control spent less time resisting desires than other people did.

50. These people have less need to use willpower because they’re beset by fewer temptations and inner conflicts. They’re better at arranging their lives so that they avoid problem situations.

51. Baumeister, showing that people with good self-control mainly use it not for rescue in emergencies but rather to develop effective habits and routines in school and at work.

52. “The secret of my incredible energy and efficiency in getting work done is a simple one,” Benchley wrote. “The psychological principle is this: anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” 

53. Benchley recognized a phenomenon that Baumeister and Tice also documented in their term-paper study: Procrastinators typically avoid one task by doing something else, and rarely do they sit there doing nothing at all. But there’s a better way to exploit that tendency, as Raymond Chandler recognized.

1. This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others. Although people may differ in every which way—in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments—everyone can change and grow through application and experience.

2. The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.

3. The fixed mindset makes you concerned with how you’ll be judged; the growth mindset makes you concerned with improving.

4. Not long ago I was interested to read about Marina Semyonova, a great Russian dancer and teacher, who devised a novel way of selecting her students. It was a clever test for mindset. As a former student tells it, “Her students first have to survive a trial period while she watches to see how you react to praise and to correction. Those more responsive to the correction are deemed worthy.”

5. Is there another way to judge potential? NASA thought so. When they were soliciting applications for astronauts, they rejected people with pure histories of success and instead selected people who had had significant failures and bounced back from them.

6. As a New York Times article points out, failure has been transformed from an action (I failed) to an identity (I am a failure). This is especially true in the fixed mindset.

7. Even in the growth mindset, failure can be a painful experience. But it doesn’t define you. It’s a problem to be faced, dealt with, and learned from.

8. John Wooden, the legendary basketball coach, says you aren’t a failure until you start to blame. What he means is that you can still be in the process of learning from your mistakes until you deny them.

9. People with the fixed mindset tell us, “If you have to work at something, you must not be good at it.” They add, “Things come easily to people who are true geniuses.”

10. It’s also important to realize that even if people have a fixed mindset, they’re not always in that mindset. In fact, in many of our studies, we put people into a growth mindset. We tell them that an ability can be learned and that the task will give them a chance to do that.

11. These experiences make our research participants into growth-minded thinkers, at least for the moment—and they act like growth-minded thinkers, too.

12. Since this was a kind of IQ test, you might say that praising ability lowered the students’ IQs. And that praising their effort raised them.

13. Andrew Carnegie once said, “I wish to have as my epitaph: ‘Here lies a man who was wise enough to bring into his service men who knew more than he.’ ”

14. Jack Welch, Lou Gerstner, and Anne Mulcahy are also fascinating because they transformed their companies. They did this by rooting out the fixed mindset and putting a culture of growth and teamwork in its place.

15. First, it means that our best bet is not simply to hire the most talented managers we can find and turn them loose, but to look for managers who also embody a growth mindset: a zest for teaching and learning, an openness to giving and receiving feedback, and an ability to confront and surmount obstacles.

16. One problem is that people with the fixed mindset expect everything good to happen automatically.

17. Remember the fixed-mindset idea that if you have ability, you shouldn’t have to work hard? This is the same belief applied to relationships: If you’re compatible, everything should just come naturally.

18. When people with a fixed mindset talk about their conflicts, they assign blame. Sometimes they blame themselves, but often they blame their partner. And they assign blame to a trait—a character flaw.

19. Many educators think that lowering their standards will give students success experiences, boost their self-esteem, and raise their achievement. It comes from the same philosophy as the overpraising of students’ intelligence. Well, it doesn’t work. Lowering standards just leads to poorly educated students who feel entitled to easy work and lavish praise.

20. He didn’t ask for mistake-free games. He didn’t demand that his players never lose. He asked for full preparation and full effort from them. “Did I win? Did I lose? Those are the wrong questions. The correct question is: Did I make my best effort?” If so, he says, “You may be outscored but you will never lose.”

21. A growth mindset is about believing people can develop their abilities.

22. These concrete plans—plans you can visualize—about when, where, and how you are going to do something lead to really high levels of follow-through, which, of course, ups the chances of success. So the idea is not only to make a growth-mindset plan, but also to visualize, in a concrete way, how you’re going to carry it out.

1. If something requires a large investment of time—or looks like it will—it’s less likely to be used.

2. If something is usable—whether it’s a Web site, a remote control, or a revolving door—it means that A person of average (or even below average) ability and experience can figure out how to use the thing to accomplish something without it being more trouble than it’s worth.

3. As far as is humanly possible, when I look at a Web page it should be self-evident. Obvious. Self-explanatory. Don't make me think.

4. All kinds of things on a Web page can make us stop and think unnecessarily. Take names, for example. Typical culprits are cute or clever names, marketing-induced names, company-specific names, and unfamiliar technical names.

5. FACT OF LIFE #1: We don’t read pages. We scan them. One of the very few well-documented facts about Web use is that people tend to spend very little time reading most Web pages. Instead, we scan (or skim) them, looking for words or phrases that catch our eye.

6. FACT OF LIFE #2: We don’t make optimal choices. We satisfice. In reality, though, most of the time we don’t choose the best option—we choose the first reasonable option, a strategy known as satisficing.

7. FACT OF LIFE #3: We don’t figure out how things work. We muddle through. Faced with any sort of technology, very few people take the time to read instructions. Instead, we forge ahead and muddle through, making up our own vaguely plausible stories about what we’re doing and why it works.

8. Design for scanning :

• Take advantage of conventions  - One of the best ways to make almost anything easier to grasp in a hurry is to follow the existing conventions 
• Create effective visual hierarchies  - A good visual hierarchy saves us work by preprocessing the page for us, organizing and prioritizing its contents in a way that we can grasp almost instantly.
• Break pages up into clearly defined areas  - Dividing the page into clearly defined areas is important because it allows users to decide quickly which areas of the page to focus on and which areas they can safely ignore.
• Make it obvious what’s clickable  
• Eliminate distractions  
• Format content to support scanning - Use plenty of headings. Keep paragraphs short. Use bulleted lists.  Highlight key terms.

9. Don’t make me think! KRUG’S FIRST LAW OF USABILITY

10. It doesn’t matter how many times I have to click, as long as each click is a mindless, unambiguous choice. —KRUG’S SECOND LAW OF USABILITY

11. Get rid of half the words on each page, then get rid of half of what’s left. —KRUG’S THIRD LAW OF USABILITY

12. The one thing you can’t afford to lose in the shuffle—and the thing that most often gets lost—is conveying the big picture. As quickly and clearly as possible, the Home page needs to answer the four questions I have in my head when I enter a new site for the first time:

• What is this?
• What do they have here?
• What can I do here?
• Why should I be here and not somewhere else?

13. Nothing beats a good tagline!™ A tagline is a pithy phrase that characterizes the whole enterprise, summing up what it is and what makes it great.

14. Usability tests are about watching one person at a time try to use something (whether it’s a Web site, a prototype, or some sketches of a new design) to do typical tasks so you can detect and fix the things that confuse or frustrate them.

15. Do-It-Yourself Testing:

• Primary purpose is to identify the most serious issues. You can find more problems in half a day than you can fix in a month.
• One morning a month includes testing, debriefing and deciding what to fix 
• Three participants - And three users are very likely to encounter many of the most significant problems related to the tasks that you’re testing.
• Recruit loosely, if necessary. Doing frequent testing is more important than testing actual users
• A 1-2 page summarising decisions made during team's debriefing.

16. After each test session, list the three most serious usability problems you noticed.

17. What happens during a typical one-hour testing:

• Welcome (4 mins) - You begin by explaining how the test work so the participants knows what to expect.
• The questions (2 mins). Next you ask the participant a few questions about themselves. This helps put them at ease and gives an idea of how computer-savvy they are.
• The Home page tour (3 mins). Then you open the Home page of the site you’re testing and ask the participant to look around and tell you what they make of it. This will give you an idea of how easy it is to understand your Home page and how much the participant already knows your domain.
• The tasks (35 mins). This is the heart of the test: watching the participant try to perform a series of tasks (or in some cases, just one long task). Again, your job is to make sure the participant stays focused on the tasks and keeps thinking aloud. If the participant stops saying what they’re thinking, prompt them by saying—wait for it—“What are you thinking?” (For variety, you can also say things like “What are you looking at?” and “What are you doing now?”)
• Probing (5 mins). After the tasks, you can ask the participant questions
• Wrapping up (5 mins). Finally, you thank them for their help, pay them, and show them to the door.

1. We aim to shift the conversation with a radical reinterpretation of what the actual benefits of meditation are—and are not—and what the true aim of practice has always been

2. We had a big idea: beyond the pleasant states meditation can produce, the real payoffs are the lasting traits that can result. An altered trait—a new characteristic that arises from a meditation practice —endures apart from meditation itself. Altered traits shape how we behave in our daily lives, not just during or immediately after we meditate

3. Meditation is a catch-all word for myriad varieties of contemplative practice, just as sports refers to a wide range of athletic activities. For both sports and meditation, the end results vary depending on what you actually do.

4. Some practical advice: for those about to start a meditation practice, or who have been grazing among several, keep in mind that as with gaining skill in a given sport, finding a meditation practice that appeals to you and sticking with it will have the greatest benefits. Just find one to try, decide on the amount of time each day you can realistically practice daily—even as short as a few minutes— try it for a month, and see how you feel after those thirty days.

5. Just as regular workouts give you better physical fitness, most any type of meditation will enhance mental fitness to some degree.

6. We offer a clear-eyed view based on hard science, sifting out results that are not nearly as compelling as the claims made for them.

7. With mindfulness, the meditator simply notes without reactivity whatever comes into mind, such as thoughts or sensory impressions like sounds—and lets them go. The operative word here is go. If we think much of anything about what just arose, or let it trigger any reactivity at all, we have lost our mindful stance—unless that reaction or thought in turn becomes the object of mindfulness.

8. Neuroplasticity, he explained, shows that repeated experience can change the brain, shaping it. We don’t have to choose between nature or nurture. They interact, each molding the other.

9. Try this. Look straight ahead and hold up a finger with your arm outstretched. Still looking straight ahead, slowly shift that finger until it is about two feet to the right of your nose. When you move your finger far to the right, but stay focused straight ahead, it lands in your peripheral vision, the outer edge of what your visual system takes in.  

10.Most people lose sight of their finger as it moves to the far right or left of their nose. But one group does not: people who are deaf. While this unusual visual advantage in the deaf has long been known, the brain basis has only recently been shown. And the mechanism is, again, neuroplasticity.

11. The chunk of neural real estate that usually operates as the primary auditory cortex (known as Heschl’s gyrus) receives no sensory inputs in deaf people. The brains of deaf people, Neville discovered, had morphed so that what is ordinarily a part of the auditory system was now working with the visual circuitry.

12. Such findings illustrate how radically the brain can rewire itself in response to repeated experiences.

13. Altered traits map along a spectrum starting at the negative end, with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a case in point. The amygdala acts as the neural radar for threat. Overwhelming trauma resets to a hair trigger the amygdala’s threshold for hijacking the rest of the brain to respond to what it perceives as an emergency.

14. Moving along the trait spectrum toward the positive range, there are the beneficial neural impacts of being a secure child, whose brain gets molded by empathic, concerned, and nurturing parenting. This childhood brain shaping builds in adulthood, for example, into being able to calm down well when upset.

15. Our interest in altered traits looks beyond the merely healthy spectrum to an.even more beneficial range, wholesome traits of being. These extremely positive altered traits, like equanimity and compassion, are a goal of mind training in contemplative traditions. We use the term altered trait as shorthand for this highly positive range.

16. Viktor Frankl has written about how a sense of meaning and purpose allowed him and select others to survive years in a Nazi concentration camp while thousands were dying around them. For Frankl, continuing his work as a psychotherapist with other prisoners in the camp lent purpose to his life; for another man there, it was having a child who was on the outside; yet another found purpose in the book he wanted to write.

17. Frankl’s sentiment resonates with a finding that after a three-month meditation retreat (about 540 hours total), those practitioners who had strengthened a sense of purpose in life during that time also showed a simultaneous increase in the activity of telomerase in their immune cells, even five months later. 24 This enzyme protects the length of telomeres, the caps at the ends of DNA strands that reflect how long a cell will live.

18. Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Leipzig, Germany, had novices practice daily for a few months three different types of meditation: focusing on breathing; generating loving-kindness; and monitoring thoughts without getting swept away by them. 

19. Breath focus, they found, was calming—seeming to confirm a widespread assumption about meditation’s usefulness as a means to relax. But in contradiction to that stereotype, neither the loving-kindness practice nor monitoring thoughts made the body more relaxed, apparently because each demands mental effort:

20. The loving-kindness practice, where you wish yourself and others well, understandably created a positive mood, while the other two methods did not.

21. So, differing types of meditation produce unique results—a fact that should make it a routine move to identify the specific type being studied.

22. In sum, “meditation” is not a single activity but a wide range of practices, all acting in their own particular ways in the mind and brain.

23. As we will see, there sometimes is a dose-response relationship when it comes to the brain and behavioral benefits from meditation: the more you do it, the better the payoff.

24. Richie and his colleagues developed a Health Enhancement Program (HEP) as a comparison condition for studies of mindfulness-based stress reduction. HEP consists of music therapy with relaxation; nutritional education; and movement exercises like posture improvement, balance, core strengthening, stretching, and walking or jogging.

25. In the labs’ studies, the instructors who taught HEP believed it would help, just as much as did those who taught meditation. Such an “active control” can neutralize factors like enthusiasm, and so better identify the unique benefits of any intervention—in this case, meditation—to see what it adds over and above the Hawthorne edge.

26. Richie’s group randomly assigned volunteers to either HEP or mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) and then before and after the training had them fill out questionnaires that in earlier research had reflected improvements from meditation. But in this study, both groups reported comparable improvement on these subjective measures of general distress, anxiety, and medical symptoms. 

27. This led Richie’s group to conclude that much of the stress relief improvements beginners credit to meditation do not seem to be that unique.  Moreover, on a questionnaire that was specifically developed to measure mindfulness, absolutely no difference was found in the level of improvement from MBSR or HEP.

28. This led Richie’s lab to conclude that for this variety of mindfulness, and likely for any other meditation, many of the reported benefits in the early stages of practice can be chalked up to expectation, social bonding in the group, instructor enthusiasm, or other “demand characteristics.” Rather than being from meditation per se, any reported benefits may simply be signs that people have positive hopes and expectations. 

29. Such data are a warning to anyone looking for a meditation practice to be wary of exaggerated claims about its benefits. 

30. As these stressful thoughts were presented, the patients used either of two different attentional stances: mindful awareness of their breath or distraction by doing mental arithmetic. Only mindfulness of their breath both lowered activity in the amygdala—mainly via a faster recovery—and strengthened it in the brain’s attentional networks, while the patients reported less stress reactivity. The same beneficial pattern emerged when the patients who had done MBSR were compared with some who had trained in aerobics.

31. About the same time as Alan’s findings that mindfulness calms the amygdala, other researchers had volunteers who had never meditated before practice mindfulness for just twenty minutes a day over one week, and then have an fMRI scan. During the scan they saw images ranging from gruesome burn victims to cute bunnies. They watched these images in their everyday state of mind, and then while practicing mindfulness. 

32. During mindful attention their amygdala response was significantly lower (compared to nonmeditators) to all the images. This sign of being less disturbed, tellingly, was greatest in the amygdala on the brain’s right side (there are amygdalae in both right and left hemispheres), which often has a stronger response to whatever upsets us than the one on the left.

33. If you give the back of your hand a hard pinch, different brain systems mobilize, some for the pure sensation of pain and others for our dislike of that pain. The brain unifies them into a visceral, instant Ouch! But that unity falls apart when we practice mindfulness of the body, spending hours noticing our bodily sensations in great detail. As we sustain this focus, our awareness morphs.

34. What had been a painful pinch transforms, breaking down into its constituents: the intensity of the pinch and the painful sensation, and the emotional feeling tone—we don’t want the pain; we urgently want the pain to stop.

35. The more experienced among the Zen students not only were able to bear more pain than could controls, they also displayed little activity in executive, evaluative, and emotion areas during the pain—all regions that ordinarily flare into activity when we are under such intense stress.

36. In short, the Zen meditators seemed to respond to pain as though it was a more neutral sensation. In more technical language, their brains showed a “functional decoupling” of the higher and lower brain regions that register pain —while their sensory circuitry felt the pain, their thoughts and emotions did not react to it.

37. The ability to manage distress (which depends upon the connectivity between the prefrontal cortex and amygdala) will be greater in long-term meditators compared to those who have only done the MBSR training.

38. Technically, “loving-kindness” refers to wishing that other people be happy; its near cousin “compassion” entails the wish that people be relieved of suffering.

39. In the format for loving-kindness that Sharon helped bring to the West, you silently repeat phrases like “May I be safe,” “May I be healthy,” and “May my life unfold with ease,” first wishing this for yourself, then for people you love, then for neutral people, and finally for all beings—even those whom you find difficult or who have harmed you. In one version or another, this has become the most well-studied format of compassion meditation.

40. How soon? Maybe in mere minutes—at least when it comes to mood. One study found that just seven minutes of loving-kindness practice boosts a person’s good feelings and sense of social connection, if only temporarily.

41. And the Davidson group had found that after eight or so hours of training in loving kindness, volunteers showed strong echoes of those brain patterns found in more experienced meditators.

42. These various mind training methods drive the brain in different ways. During compassion practice, the amygdala is turned up in volume, while in focused attention on something like the breath, the amygdala is turned down. focused attention on something like the breath, the amygdala is turned down. Meditators are learning how to change their relationship to their emotions with different practices.

43. The neural changes from loving-kindness practice (the emerging signs of which are found even among beginners) align with those found in the brains of the super-Samaritan kidney donors.

44. Whatever specific form it takes, most every kind of meditation entails retraining attention.

45. Science now tells us the concept refers not just to one ability but to many. Among them: 

• Selective attention, the capacity to focus on one element and ignore others. 
• Vigilance, maintaining a constant level of attention as time goes on. 
• Allocating attention so we notice small or rapid shifts in what we experience. 
• Goal focus, or “cognitive control,” keeping a specific goal or task in mind despite distractions.
•  Meta-awareness, being able to track the quality of one’s own awareness—for example, noticing when your mind wanders or you’ve made a mistake.

46. A strengthening of selective attention was found in vipassana meditators at the Insight Meditation Society who were tested before and after a three-month retreat.  After three months the retreatants’ selective attention was markedly more accurate, showing more than a 20 percent gain.

47. A surprise: mindfulness also improved working memory—the holding in mind of information so it can transfer into long-term memory. Attention is crucial for working memory; if we aren’t paying attention, those digits won’t register in the first place. This training in mindfulness occurred while the students in the study were still in school. 

48. The boost to their attention and working memory may help account for the even bigger surprise: mindfulness upped their scores by more than 30 percent on the GRE, the entrance exam for grad school. 

49. About ten hours of mindfulness over a two-week period strengthened attention and working memory—and led to substantial improved scores on the graduate school entrance exam. While meditation boosts many aspects of attention, these are short-term gains; more lasting benefits no doubt require ongoing practice.

50. The brain, it seems, stays just as busy when we are relaxed as when we are under some mental strain.

51. Raichle identified a swath of areas, mainly the mPFC (short for midline of the prefrontal cortex) and the PCC (postcingulate cortex), a node connecting to the limbic system. He dubbed this circuitry the brain’s “default mode network.”

52. While the brain engages in an active task, whether math or meditating, the default areas calm down as those essential for that task gear up, and ramp up again when that mental task finishes. This solved the problem of how the brain could maintain its activity level while “nothing” was going on

53. The default mode turns on while we chill out, not doing anything that requires focus and effort; it blossoms during the mind’s downtime. Conversely, as we focus on some challenge, like grappling with what’s happened to your Wi-Fi signal, the default mode quiets.

54. With nothing much else to capture our attention, our mind wanders, very often to what’s troubling us—a root cause of everyday angst. “A wandering mind is an unhappy mind.”

55. One of the great appeals of high-risk sports like rock climbing seems to be just that— the danger of the sport demands a full focus on where to put your hand or foot next. More mundane worries take backstage in the mind. 

56. The same applies to “flow,” the state where people perform at their best. Paying full attention to what’s at hand, flow research tells us, rates high on the list of what puts us into—and sustains—a joyous state. The self, in its form as mind-wandering, becomes a distraction, suppressed for the time being.

57. A basic instruction in almost all forms of meditation urges us to notice when our mind has wandered and then return our focus to the chosen target, say, a mantra or our breathing. This moment has universal familiarity on contemplative paths. 

58. This simple mental move has a neural correlate: activating the connection between the dorsolateral PFC and the default mode—a connection found to be stronger in long-term meditators than in beginners. The stronger this connection, the more likely regulatory circuits in the prefrontal cortex inhibit the default areas, quieting the monkey mind—the incessant self-focused chatter that so often fills our minds when nothing else is pressing.

59. Those who engaged in their MBSR practices for thirty-five minutes or more at home daily, compared to those doing HEP, showed a greater decrease in pro-inflammatory cytokines, the proteins that trigger the red patch. 

60. This, intriguingly, supports an early finding by Jon Kabat-Zinn and some skin specialists that MBSR can help speed healing from psoriasis, a condition worsened by inflammatory cytokines (but some thirty years on, this remains a study not yet replicated by dermatology researchers).

61. To get a better idea of how meditation practice might heal such inflammatory conditions, Richie’s lab repeated the stress study using highly experienced (around 9,000 lifetime hours of practice) vipassana meditators. Result: the meditators not only found the dreaded Trier test less stressful than did a matched cohort of novices (as we saw in chapter five), but they also had smaller patches of inflammation afterward. Most significant, their levels of the stress hormone cortisol were 13 percent lower than in the controls, a substantial difference that is likely clinically meaningful. Important: these seasoned practitioners were not meditating when these measures were taken—this was a trait effect.

62. Take, for example, a well-designed study of African American men, who are at particularly high risk for hypertension, cardiac and kidney disease. Just fourteen minutes of mindfulness practice in a group who already suffered from kidney disease lowered the metabolic patterns that, if sustained year after year, lead to these diseases.

63.  After genetic scientists mapped the entire human genome, they realized it wasn’t enough to just know if we had a given gene or not. The real questions: Is that gene expressed? Is it manufacturing the protein for which it is designed? And how much? Where is the “volume control” on the gene set?

64. This meant there was another important step: finding what turns our genes on or off. If we’ve inherited a gene that gives us a susceptibility to a disease like diabetes, we may never develop the malady if, for example, we have a lifelong habit of getting regular exercise and not eating sugar.

65. Sugar turns on the genes for diabetes; exercise turns them off. Sugar and exercise are “epigenetic” influencers, among the many, many factors that control whether or not a gene expresses itself.

66. And Richie thought meditation just might have epigenetic impacts, “down-regulating” the genes responsible for the inflammatory response. As we’ve seen, meditation seems to do this—but the genetic mechanism for the effect was a complete mystery.

67. Undeterred by the skeptics, his lab went ahead, assaying changes in the expression of key genes before and after a day of meditation in a group of long-term vipassana practitioners (average of about 6,000 lifetime hours). They followed a fixed eight-hour schedule of practice sessions throughout the day, and listened to tapes of some inspiring talks and guided practices by Joseph Goldstein.

68. After the day of practice the meditators had a marked “down-regulation” of inflammatory genes—something that had never been seen before in response to inflammatory genes—something that had never been seen before in response to a purely mental practice. Such a drop, if sustained over a lifetime, might help combat diseases with onsets marked by chronic low-grade inflammation. As we’ve said, these include many of the world’s major health problems, ranging from cardiovascular disorders, arthritis, and diabetes to cancer.

69. Though these were pilot studies, an epigenetic boost was found in research with two other meditation methods. One is Herb Benson’s “relaxation response,” which has a person silently repeat a chosen word like peace as if it were a mantra. 16 The other is “yogic meditation,” where the meditator recites a Sanskrit mantra, at first aloud and then in a whisper, and finally silently, ending with a short deep-breathing relaxation technique

70. The sounder studies, we found, focus on lessening our psychological distress rather than on curing medical syndromes or looking for underlying biological mechanisms. So, when it comes to a better quality of life for those with chronic diseases, yes to meditation. Such palliative care gets ignored too often in medicine, but it matters enormously to patients.

71. All the yogis had elevated gamma oscillations, not just during the meditation practice periods for open presence and compassion but also during the very first measurement, before any meditation was performed. This electrifying pattern was in the EEG frequency known as “high-amplitude” gamma, the strongest, most intense form. These waves lasted the full minute of the baseline measurement before they started the meditation

72. Gamma, the very fastest brain wave, occurs during moments when differing brain regions fire in harmony, like moments of insight when different elements of a mental puzzle “click” together. 

73.To get a sense of this “click,” try this: What single word can turn each of these into a compound word: sauce, pine, crab?*

74. The instant your mind comes up with the answer, your brain signal momentarily produces that distinctive gamma flare. 

75. In the yogis, gamma oscillations are a far more prominent feature of their brain activity than in other people. Our usual gamma waves are not nearly as strong as that seen by Richie’s team in yogis like Mingyur. The contrast between the yogis and controls in the intensity of gamma was immense: on average the yogis had twenty-five times greater amplitude gamma oscillations during baseline compared with the control group.

76. But there’s another surprise here: the yogis’ remarkable talent at entering a specific meditative state on cue, within a second or two, itself signals an altered trait. This mental feat stands in stark contrast to most of us meditators who, relative to the yogis, are more like beginners: when we meditate, it takes us a while to settle our minds, let go of distracting thoughts that overwhelm our focus, and get some momentum in our meditation.

77. In contemplative science, an “altered state” refers to changes that occur only during meditation. An altered trait indicates that the practice of meditation transformed the brain and biology so that meditation-induced changes are seen before beginning to meditate.

78. Among meditators with the greatest amount of lifetime practice hours—an average of 44,000 lifetime hours (the equivalent of twelve hours a day for ten years) the amygdala hardly responded to the emotional sounds. But for those with less practice, (though still a high number—19,000 hours) the amygdala also showed a robust response. There was a staggering 400 percent difference in the size of the amygdala response between these groups!

79. What’s more, this means traits continue to alter even at the highest level of practice. The dose-response relationship does not seem to end even up to 50,000 hours of practice.

80. The studies of beginners typically look at the impacts from under 100 total hours of practice—and as few as 7. The long-term group, mainly vipassana meditators, had a mean of 9,000 lifetime hours (the range ran from 1,000 to 10,000 hours and more). And the yogis studied in Richie’s lab, had all done at least one Tibetan-style three-year retreat, with lifetime hours up to Mingyur’s 62,000. Yogis, on average had three times more lifetime hours than did long-term meditators—9,000 hours versus 27,000

81. Compassion meditation shows stronger benefits from the get-go; as few as seven total hours over the course of two weeks leads to increased connectivity in circuits important for empathy and positive feelings, strong enough to show up outside the meditation state per se.

82. Beginners also find improvements in attention very early on, including less mind-wandering after just eight minutes of mindfulness practice—a short-lived benefit, to be sure. But even as little as two weeks of practice is sufficient to produce less mind-wandering and better focus and working memory, enough for a significant boost in scores on the GRE, the entrance exam for graduate school.

83. Loving-kindness and compassion practice over the long term(1000hrs -10,000hrs) enhance neural resonance with another person’s suffering, along with concern and a greater likelihood of actually helping. Attention, too, strengthens in many aspects with long-term practice: selective attention sharpens, the attentional blink diminishes, sustained attention becomes easier, and an alert readiness to respond increases

84. Shifts in very basic biological processes, such as a slower breath rate, occur only after several thousand hours of practice. Some of these impacts seem more strongly enhanced by intensive practice on retreat than by daily practice.

85. At this world-class level (roughly 12,000 to 62,000 lifetime hours of practice, including many years in deep retreat), truly remarkable effects emerge. Practice in part revolves around converting meditative states to traits—the Tibetan term for this translates as “getting familiar” with the meditative mind-set. Meditation states merge with daily activities, as altered states stabilize into altered traits and become enduring characteristic.

86.  Perhaps the strongest evidence comes from the yogis’ response to physical pain during simple mindfulness-type practice: a sharp “inverted V,” with little brain activity during anticipation of the pain, an intense but very short peak during the pain, followed by very rapid recovery

87. Several labs—including Richie’s and Judson Brewer’s—have noticed that more advanced meditators can show a brain pattern while merely resting that resembles that of a meditative state like mindfulness or loving-kindness, while beginners do not. 2 That comparison of the expert meditator’s baseline with someone new to practice stands as a hallmark of the way altered traits show up in research, though it offers just a snapshot.

88. For now, as the Brewer group conjectured, meditation seems to transform the resting state—the brain’s default mode—to resemble the meditative state.

*Answer : apple 

1. I teach and preach the system based on “no,” which in a negotiation simply means maintaining the status quo.

2. My “No” system is a set of clear principles and practices that you follow step by step by step. My system is for Mom, Dad, the kids, the entrepreneur, the professional corporate negotiator, the CEO, the teacher, the realtor, the banker, the politician, the carpenter, and the diplomat.

3. As adults, however, we’ve been conditioned and trained to fear the word, so with audiences and clients I slowly and carefully go about proving that the practice of politely saying no, calmly hearing no, and just inviting no has a beneficial impact on any negotiation. In fact, the invitation for the other side to say no has an amazing power to bring down barriers and allow for solid beneficial communication.

4. I want to be very clear: The “no” principle is not about intransigence. Just the opposite. It’s about openness and honesty. The invitation to “no” tells everyone at the table that we’re all adults here, so let’s talk rationally. Let’s slow things down. Let’s take away the fear of failure. “No” allows everyone involved to put away the need to be right, to be the smartest, to be the strongest, or to be the toughest. It prevents you from making weak—and worse, bad—decisions because of your need to feel safe and secure and liked by the other side.

5. The “No” system also makes you understand the dangers of neediness. Simply put, you do not need this deal, because neediness leads inexorably to unnecessary compromise.

6. I still use checklists in negotiations just as diligently as I did as a pilot.

7. Negotiation is a complex beast. There’s a lot going on. Checklists keep it all under control. They give us such a tremendous advantage, such ease of mind. I will use them throughout this book, and I will teach you how to use them in your negotiations. 

8. You must learn to progress from raw, unexamined emotions, which never produce good agreements, to the careful decisions that eventually do.

9. But it’s hard not to get trapped in the emotional realm, especially because of one particular emotion that dominates all others in negotiations: neediness.

10. Like it or not, we are predators by nature, and the first instinct of predators is to take advantage of the fear-racked, the distressed, the vulnerable—in one word, the needy. We humans, at least, are also capable of wonderful altruism, but we don’t see much altruism in the world of business and negotiation, despite all the sweet talk of cagey practitioners.

11.  Every time you leave a long-winded message on an answering machine providing all kinds of information, you put yourself at a disadvantage. How? You’re too anxious and therefore seem needy. Each time you answer a question with much more information than is really called for, you are showing neediness and putting yourself at risk.

12. By cutting your price without being asked to and then explaining why you felt it important to cut the price, you are showing neediness and reinforcing a bad habit.

13. Many business negotiators are expert in creating neediness by feeding the hopes and expectations of the other side.

14. When you slip and allow yourself to appear needy you are in danger and your negotiation is in big trouble.

15. Test Drive Take ten minutes at the end of the day and assess your actions and your conversations, looking for signs of neediness.

16. Honest appraisal will uncover it. Did you talk too much or too fast in a conversation, negotiation, or interview, maybe to make just the right impression? Jot this neediness down.

• Did you leave long-winded messages? Jot it down.
• Did you make the direct statement “I need this or that”? Jot it down.
• Did you get excited and start looking ahead at the thought of some success, great or small? Jot it down.
• When you’re finished making your list, think carefully about the real motivation behind each item—not the apparent motivation or the rationalized motivation, motivation, but the real one. See if you can identify the neediness.

17. In negotiation, neediness is a killer. People who understand this—who see the big ways and little ways people express neediness—use this understanding to great advantage.

18. Test Drive After you have identified your own signs of neediness on a given day, look around your world and find the signs in others: the people who talked too much in an effort to please you, who needed to be right all the time, who needed to win at all costs, who needed to be the center of attention. If you look, you’ll find the neediness.

19. The next time you watch one of the predator-prey nature shows on public television or one of the wildlife channels, watch the chase scenes carefully. There are always one or two in which the lion or the cheetah is not successful, and each time the scenario is the same: The predator gets closer to the antelope…closer…closer, then slips back slightly—and immediately gives up. On the spot. When the distance to the prey begins to widen, the hunter quits. She will never waste energy on what’s shaping up as a losing cause. She saunters off, because it doesn’t matter. There are other wildebeest, other gazelles.

20. The rule could not be simpler: If there is any need in this negotiation, it has to be theirs, not yours.

21. Talking is often an overt showing of need. Therefore this rule: No talking.

22. I exaggerate, of course, in order to make the point that talking and neediness often go hand in hand. Many people have an apparently insatiable desire to make sure their voice is heard.

23. Why? In the very worst business environment, if you can successfully cold-call, you can always get a job. More important, however—more basic—is that cold-calling is a great training ground for negotiation, period, and it can be surprisingly effective because your neediness is under control. You have no great expectations, that’s for sure, and your discipline is keen.

24. The high-pitched voice is a sure sign of need. The rushed delivery is another sure sign. While needy negotiators raise their voices, negotiators under control lower their voices. So lower your voice in times of inner turmoil. Take it easy. You do not need this deal.

25. Many people live in fear of rejection, and what is this fear, bottom line? It’s the need to be liked. If you don’t need to be liked, you have no fear of rejection. If you have no fear of rejection, you can say no when it’s called for. When you negotiate, it is imperative to understand just what rejection is and who can reject you—and who cannot.

26. The people on the other side of the table cannot reject you. Why not? Because you don’t need anything from them.

27. You must understand that you cannot go out into the world spending emotional energy in the effort to be liked, to be smart, or to be important. This is all just wasteful and dangerous neediness, often enough because of a fear of being rejected.

28. As a negotiator aspiring to excellence, you must, at all costs, avoid showing need. In order to avoid showing need, you must never feel it. I cannot say this enough: You do not need this deal.

29. You only want this deal. “Need” is death; “want” is life. Believe me, this different attitude will make all the difference in your negotiating life. It will be instantly perceived and sensed by the folks on the other side of the table. Confidence and trust go up across the board. Control and discipline go up for you.

30. Sometimes, however, the need is real. Usually it is exaggerated, but not always. Quite often, the best strategy may be to reveal this neediness to the other party. That’s right. Put it on an agenda to be discussed.

31. Turning the situation around, have you noticed how we humans tend to feel okay when we see someone who’s not-okay? You feel okay when you see someone who doesn’t quite measure up in some way.

32. Remember the old TV series Columbo? He always presents himself as a little less competent than whomever he is interviewing and a little less than perfect—or, usually, a lot less than perfect. He could get his witnesses and even suspects to talk to him because he made them feel superior and therefore comfortable. And it was all an act on his part.

33. The wise negotiator knows that only one person in a negotiation absolutely must feel okay. That person is not you.

34. Let me repeat that point: I am not suggesting that you appear unprofessional. I’m simply asking you not to be afraid of honesty—not to be afraid of being less than perfect. Do you enjoy being around the perfect person? Most of us don’t.

35. Letting other people help you is an excellent way to help them feel more okay. It also says to them, “What you see is what you get.”

36. If you want to be a successful negotiator in any field—the most successful salesperson you can be—you must not set quantitative targets, quotas, numbers, or percentages. No such “performance goals” whatsoever. None of that. Never! Those are results over which you have absolutely no final control.

37. Goals to improve your actions and behavior are the only valid goals, because they are the only ones you can control, and achieving those goals will see you through any negotiation and lead to all the “results” you desire. But concentrating on the numerical results as your goal is a terrible waste of time and energy. Think behavior. Forget results.

38. One of the characteristics of really successful negotiators is how swiftly and efficiently they shift from nonpayside activity to payside activity when the opportunity presents itself.

39. When you have the habit of setting as a goal only activity that you can accomplish and that is genuinely productive, you’ve taken an enormous step in your career.

40. Beware the seductions of nonpayside activity.

41. In the real world, the negotiation does not end when the papers are signed. In fact, tough corporate negotiators work under the presumption that contracts are easily broken, that this is just part of business.

42. I ask my students to make a commitment to daily, active self-examination and assessment and to monitor their behavior and emotions as they affect the negotiating process.

43. A negotiation is simply the effort to bring about agreement between two or more parties, with all parties having the right to veto.

44. In negotiation, “maybe” will bury you with wasted time, energy, money, and, the real killer, emotion.

45. The “yes” doesn’t really mean anything. It’s not written in blood. It’s just another word to deploy at the right time.

46. The quick “yes” may be designed by the other party to set you up, to build your neediness, to undermine your decision-making. Then it’s followed by the subtle “if,” “but,” “however,” “when,” or some other dangerous qualifier.

47. Offering an early “yes” is a reliable “tiger trick,” as I call it, used by polished negotiators taking advantage of weak win-win negotiators. It traps you in their cage. Shrewd negotiators use the “yes” trick all the time.

48. “Sure, Frank, we’re on board. We want to place the biggest order ever with Acme—50, 000 widgets.”

49. Then, one or two calls later, “I didn’t even bring it up, Frank. It seemed unnecessary. I’m assuming about a twenty percent discount at that volume. Is that what you have in mind?” Never fall for the quick “yes.” Assume nothing. Avoid the emotional roller coaster. Don’t get needy. Don’t “chase the results” that seem to be shimmering so invitingly right in front of your eyes.

50. Never take responsibility for the other side’s decisions. Never “save the relationship.”

51. The classic compromise mindset dilemma is this one: What can I give in order to gain or maintain this friendly relationship?

52. The impulse to think and act in any such save-the-relationship fashion is wrongheaded not only because it’s bad negotiating but also because the people across the table do not want to be your friend. They could not care less. They have not even thought about it.

53. For businesspeople and negotiators in any field, much more important than friendliness are effectiveness and respect. Nothing more.

54. Have you ever wondered how the jerks of the world get along? How some even get ahead? How more than a few even get to the very top? These people don’t get away with their boorish, offensive behavior for any good reason. They get away with it because they’re effective in their work and bring benefit to their business relationships, in one way or another.

55. What does friendship have to do with making good business and negotiation decisions? Not a thing.

56. Another reason people are afraid to say no is that they fear making the wrong decision. This fear of the wrong decision is one of the most debilitating emotions of all, burrowing deep beneath all aspects of decisionmaking, because it strikes a chord with our fear of failing.

57. How do you get rid of this fear? I’ll answer this question with another one: What really happens when you make a bad decision? There is a common saying among pilots: “Flying is a continuous string of decisions, most of them bad ones that must be corrected.” In training, pilots are told to just keep making decisions and pretty soon they will get it right.

58. To be effective decision-makers we must simply make the next decision, and then the next one, and then the next one. A negotiation is a series of decisions.

59.  Embrace “no” at every opportunity in a negotiation. Don’t fear the word— invite it. You do not take it as a personal rejection, because you are not needy. You understand that every “no” is reversible.

60. In any negotiation, your mission and purpose must be rooted in the world of the other side.

61. If you’re a salesperson, your mission and purpose is not about selling 10, 000 widgets and making $5 million. That’s in your world. It doesn’t benefit your customers at all. It’s also just chasing results.

62. In the broadest terms, a valid MP(mission and purpose) will effectively guide your decisions. It might well be about providing your customers with a dependable widget (if not the best widget in the world) that can sustain their company’s profitability well into the future, assuring their staying power and market share.

63. See the difference? The perspective in this statement is their world. You’re not chasing the results of your world, results you can’t even control, but you do have total control over the quality of your widget. You do have control over its pricing. You do have control over your mission and purpose. It belongs to you. It is yours to change as you see fit.

64. The process of building your own mission and purpose is straightforward. It requires dedication, but it is not rocket science. The key throughout the process is to think creatively, clearly, and completely about your business and your negotiation.

65. Pull out a sheet of paper or open a new document on your computerand list the features of what your company, your product, or your service does—or what you do. If you sell widgets, you will list their salient features regarding quality, durability, serviceability, industry reputation, and the like. Be creative. List anything and everything. If you’re the buyer of the widget, you are broadening the supplier’s market, increasing its sales, perhaps helping it unload inventory at certain times of the year. Keep going.

66. Take your time with this process. Work on your list for a while, put it down, and come back another day. When you’re reasonably confident that the list of features is complete, proceed.

67. Across from every feature on your list, write down the benefits of that feature for the other party.

68. The key here is to see clearly what you provide. What benefits are you offering that solve their problems and empower them for the future?

69. Every negotiation has more going on than immediately meets the eye. The idea here is to end up with a complete description and vision of the value for the other party that you’re bringing to the table.

70. Prioritize your list of features and benefits. What benefits do you see are most important for the other party in this negotiation? Again, immerse yourself in their world.

71. Now you’re ready to write your MP from the features and benefits on your final, prioritized list. Think in terms of your continuing task or responsibility (what you’re going to do, provide, supply, or create for the benefit of the other side) and your long-term aim (what you’re going to be, develop, or grow into long-term for the benefit of the other side).

72. My mission and purpose for this book is to provide you the opportunity to discover that if you engage in training and coaching of the “No” system, you can elevate your success in negotiation to very high levels. This will be accomplished by means of clear, concise writing that is easy to read and thought-provoking. The key word here is opportunity. My purpose is not to elevate your success regardless. That would be a performance goal over which I do not have control. I can’t be certain you’ll think about the principles in my system and apply them diligently, or that you will embrace training and coaching. I can only provide you with the opportunity to do so.

73. As you develop your own mission-and-purpose statement, keep in mind that all good MP statements are concise. All must be written.

74. In complicated, high-stakes negotiations, my clients write an MP for almost every phone call to anyone on the other side. No kidding.

75. Your mission and purpose can and perhaps should change. At first blush, this may sound completely contradictory to every previous point here, but features and benefits change, markets change, customers change, and when they do, your mission and purpose should change accordingly.

76. Perhaps the most powerful product of a mission and a purpose is the insulation it provides from debilitating emotions, especially neediness.

77. As a coach, I see people waste a great deal of energy and time on issues and questions that just don’t matter. “Did I get as much as I could?”

“Should I have done better?”

“How much did I leave on the table?”

“I hope I wasn’t too strong.”

“I hope I wasn’t too easy.”

78. Could that 18 percent discount have been 19 percent? As the buyer, you’ll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. Seventeen percent? As the seller, you’ll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. All you want to know is that the 18 percent, given or received, satisfies your mission and purpose.

79. The people on the other side are negotiating for their benefit, not for yours. This is self-evident but often overlooked, and it’s the reason your mission and purpose must be rooted in the world of the other side and bring benefits that solve their problems.

80.Mission and purpose creates, guides, and enhances vision. The vision of the other side drives the effective decision-making that leads to agreements.

81. In fact, vision drives just about everything you do. Before you decide to buy anything, sell anything, or sign anything, you have to have a vision. No vision, no decision.

82. Make no mistake about it. The most gullible shopaholics won’t buy a tencent trinket without some kind of vision of themselves or their children playing with this trinket, wearing this trinket, using this trinket, or appearing to be special because of this trinket.

83. No vision, no action. No vision, no decision. No vision, no agreement.

84. A VISION OF WHAT? In negotiations, you must have a vision of a current or future problem to be solved. It’s just that simple.

85. In every negotiation, the vision of the problem and the solution is what brings the negotiators to agreements.

86. Many people make the fatal mistake of thinking they can use their gift of gab or their nifty PowerPoint presentation or both to convince the other party with facts and figures to make the rational decision.

87. The intellectual information just throws a wet blanket on vision. It puts people into an analytical mode. You would be better off not talking at all than pounding away with all your facts and figures.

88. There is a crucial difference between seeing and understanding, and seeing must come first. We must see in a visceral way before we can understand in a rational way.

89. Since that day, Roger has understood completely the power of asking questions as a way of painting the vision for the other side, helping them see the issues for themselves.

90. You have to paint the picture that builds a vision that the other side can clearly see. A key way to do this—the simplest, safest way to do this—is to ask good questions.

91. The clearer the vision of the problem, the easier the decision-making process.

92. Plenty of healthy young people simply cannot be seduced into seeing their need for health insurance—it might be time to offer a friendly handshake and say farewell. Vision is that important. If you just can’t build it, you’re wasting your time in the negotiation.

93. Asking questions is a science and an art. The science is found in how you construct your question. The art is found in your tone of voice, your body language, and your remarks before asking your questions.

94. The good ones are led by an interrogative, not by a verb. “Who,” “what,” “when,” “where,” “why,” “how,” and “which”: These famous interrogatives are the safest questions in a negotiation.

95. The interrogative-led questions will paint vision that will move the negotiation forward without the pitfalls of verb-led questions. They don’t challenge the other party. They don’t put them on the defensive. They elicit information and build vision.

96. Consider the following set of verb-led questions juxtaposed with a corresponding set of interrogative-led questions. In every case, which is better?

• “Is this the biggest issue we face?” versus “What is the biggest issue we face?”
• “Is this proposal tight enough for you?” versus “How can I tighten this proposal for you?”
• “Can we work on delivery dates tomorrow?” versus “When can we work on delivery dates?” or “How important are delivery dates?” or “Where do delivery dates fit in?”
• “Do you think we should bring Mary into the loop now?” versus “Where does Mary fit in?” or “When should we bring Mary into the loop?” or “How does Mary fit into the picture?” “Is there anything else you need?” versus “What else do you need?”
• “Do you like what you see?” versus “What are your thoughts?”
• “Does it fit into your needs?” versus “How do you see it? How does it fit for you?”
• “Can you stay competitive without this machine?” versus “How can you stay competitive without this machine?”

97. Keep your questions short. Anytime a question has more than eight or nine words, you risk complication.

98. Another key is to ask one question at a time. Simple question by simple question, answer by answer, you will help the other side build their own picture of the issue.

99. “3+”(or “three-plus”), another important tool of the trade, is the ability to remain with a question until it is answered at least three times, or to repeat a statement at least three times. This is not an original idea. Anyone who’s ever taken a speech class knows the old rule: Tell them what you’re going to tell them, then tell them, and then tell them what you told them. One, two, three times. I first heard the equivalent of this rule many years ago from a friend in sales and quickly learned that his advice was good.

100. The pendulum needs to be near the middle—not too positive, not too negative. This is where the good agreements are found.

101. When the excitement builds, consider tapping the brake with a positive strip line. It can only help.

102.  When a negative mood sets in, consider acknowledging the fact with a negative strip line. Join the negativity and thereby invite the other party to join you, step back, and take a second look.

103. Be a blank slate. Work with the best possible facts and information, not with assumptions and expectations that are so often dead wrong.

104. If there is one classic maneuver played by many companies and shrewd negotiators in many businesses, this is it: Build positive expectations with pie-in-the-sky numbers, then start in with the ifs, ands, and buts. This gambit is extraordinarily effective when the customer is a big company and the supplier a smaller one.

105. Neither positive nor negative expectations have any place in your work. You blank-slate and you negotiate, that’s all.

106. Take great notes. In seminars, meetings, and negotiations, I can quickly identify the most successful people around the table. They are the ones listening closely and taking notes, effectively silencing their own thoughts and learning as much as they can about everyone else.

107. One of your best ways to blank-slate and control your own emotions, first, and then perhaps influence their emotions, by your example, is with the simple tool of taking notes. 

108. Throughout this book you’ve seen how negotiators use hints of big purchases, permanent alliances, and the like to set up naïve negotiators with neediness and positive expectations.

109. The failure to find the decision-maker is a mistake I have seen committed umpteen times in all sorts of negotiations. At best, it means a waste of time, energy, and money. At worst, it means a failed negotiation, perhaps unnecessarily.

110. You can get around your basic blocker in several ways. One way is simply to start at the top. What happens if you start at the top? The top boots you down the ladder to a blocker, but this is fine, because, presumably, you’ve been introduced into the blocker’s territory with a stamp of approval.

111. Start at the top and you will be in a position to report to the top.

112. Each and every communication in a negotiation requires an agenda—and not just meetings where you’re sitting across the table from the other side.

113. You have some kind of purpose for every phone call and e-mail to anyone on the other side, right? I hope so. Well, what is it? The agenda makes this clear. The preparation of each agenda helps you see the negotiation clearly and assign

114. A good agenda will tell what to do next, how to keep your negotiation on track, how to continue making effective decisions, and how to keep your emotions at a calm, normal level.

115. A valid agenda has the following five basic categories.

• Problems - For purposes of agenda, a problem is anything you believe needs addressing —anything you see that is holding you back or blocking you from a successful conclusion.

• Our baggage - My guess is you’ve never made an agenda that included baggage, the collected life experiences and observations that all of us carry around in our lives and that may affect a given negotiation. Your Baggage Your baggage is some attitude you carry around that plays on your emotions and disrupts your decision-making. Say your company has recently acquired a reputation within the field, or within the community, for spotty bad service. This is nasty baggage. It must be addressed in an early agenda. That’s right. You bring it up, with two instant benefits. First, they’ll be surprised and impressed that you haven’t tried to hide the fact. Second, if unaddressed, that baggage puts you on the defensive for the entire negotiation.

• Their baggage - Their baggage is an educated guess on your part. You’ll be making an assumption dealing with baggage, and this is the only time an assumption is warranted. Maybe you’re wrong, but past history gives you good reason to bring it up.

• What we want - Too often people go into meetings not sure exactly what they want out of them. Your agenda solves that problem for you, because every agenda for every meeting, every phone call, every e-mail must have at least one “want.” No exceptions. The “want” requirement for every agenda requires you to think clearly about the whole negotiation—where it stands and what you want to happen next in order to move things along.

• What happens next - You must learn very quickly to take care of business by carefully negotiating “what happens next.” It protects you against assumptions. It’s a leg up on the next agenda. It’s simply mandatory.

116. Of all the issues in the negotiation that should be placed on an agenda but often are not, “wants” are supreme.

117. In the “No” system, the budget is much more than your normal itemization of projected financial costs, because the real price and the real costs in any negotiation go way beyond dollars and cents. Money is certainly part of the equation, but your budget must also take into account expenditures of time, energy, and emotion.

118. Along with money, they are the elements of a comprehensive budget that becomes another powerful tool for maintaining control and making good decisions in negotiation.

119. Here is the formula: “Time” has a value of 1x, “energy” 2x, “money” 3x, and “emotion” 4x. As important as time is, it is not as important as energy in negotiation, which is less important than money, which is less important than emotion.

120. As you monitor your own budget expenditure, you also monitor the expenditures of the other side. You want to keep your own budgets as low as possible while reaping the benefit of higher budgets on the other side.

121. Practically speaking, how do you drive up the other side’s budget and guard yours? Some budget-building ploys are transparent. The greater the investment in budget—time, energy, money, and emotion—the greater the commitment to stay the course and salvage something.

122. Protecting your time while pushing theirs can be in acts as mundane as adhering to a schedule that fits your calendar and not theirs.

123. In negotiation, the physically stronger, more energetic side definitely has the advantage. It’s a fact of life in this world. Know your own endurance level and conserve your energy.

124. Budget is yet another way for you to maintain control in negotiation. If your budget gets out of control, you cannot blame the other side.

125. A rock-solid faith in mission and purpose will be required in order to hold the line, but even then you simply may not have the budget to back you up in this negotiation. Know your actual dollars-and-cents budget, and have at least some sense of theirs. If you don’t have enough cash reserves for the long haul, your negotiation is, for all intents and purposes, over with before it even gets going, and you’ll lose not only the money but the time, energy, and emotion you have invested in a doomed cause. So don’t even get going. Seek your deals elsewhere. Say no right now.

126. If I were reading this book for the first time, I’d be asking one question right now: How do I bring together the principles of the “No” system? The answer is Checklists and Logs.

127. You prepare a Checklist before any meeting in any negotiation, any significant phone call, and any significant e-mail. After that meeting, phone call, or exchange of e-mails, you record all the significant information in your Log. You then use that Log to prepare for the next Checklist before the next encounter.

128. The basic Checklist for any negotiation includes:

• Your mission and purpose for the negotiation  
• Your agenda items for the specific meeting
• Your behavior goals
• Your activity goals
• Any critical research that needs to be done

129. The Log prepared after any negotiation includes:

• Statement of the problem from the other side’s point of view 
• Estimate of the other side’s budget (time, energy, money, and emotion)
• Identification of the decision-makers and assessment of when their decision will be reached
• Negotiation summary

130. With the Checklist before the meeting, you set up the structure with which to build vision on the other side. With the Log after the meeting, you gather together the vision that exists at the end of the meeting, lay everything out, look at it, and find ways to build more vision and move ahead.